i hurt someone else?

Someone recently has been bugging on private chats (not on here obviously). Despite me trying to give some hints, they didn't seem to understand that they were writing a bit too often for my taste and that i wasn't really that interested in conversation with them as i felt like he/she didn't really respect me. After he7she took a break and came back, i've decided to be straight and honest and that they either had to change some of their behavior or stop the conversation altogether. This person seemed really hurt and although i tried to make sure to be nice and that i didn't want to hurt them, it doesn't seem to have worked out although he/she denied it. Also he/she deleted the chat and i also have no way to contact them back to apologize as i don't remember his/her handle unfortunately. i feel a bit bad about this as i feel like an awful person and i even wonder if they may have done something bad because of me, like suicide. i don't feel like i have handled this well at all!

This sounds to me like they are doing emotional blackmail, which is when someone inflicts emotional pain when you don’t act as they wish.

You offered a reasonable choice, which was that either they treat you with respect or the conversation stops. Good job! They chose to stop the conversation rather than to treat you with respect.

I'm sorry you went through this, Mickey. It sounds like you stood up for yourself and were assertive about your needs and how you want to be treated, and respectful of them as well. Unfortunately, we can't predict or control how other people act in response to us, even if we are as nice as can be. Theres a saying floating around the internet that goes something like "you will know who doesn't respect your boundaries (and who benefits from you not having them) when you assert yourself."

In the world of words we sometimes take what someone is saying out of context, so while they may not have been trying to be disrespectful it is important to verbalize that you were not appreciative of their behavior. I agree with Bill3, it sounds like emotional blackmail. They should have applauded you for voicing your concerns and then apologized for their behavior. Do not feel bad that you stood up for yourself

I think its also important to acknowledge that you are / were worried about them. Considering how kind and respectful you are, I doubt that your words "made" this person do something hurtful to themselves. Also while every one of us affects our environment and those around us, we don't have as much influence on people as we sometimes think we do. There is a thought distortion that over emphasizes the effect one has on another. I'm not saying you are experiencing this but at the same time it's a possibility. Lastly, this is where this person is at (they are not open to hearing feedback about their behavior, possibly take it as criticism, possibly don't respect your requests and needs, may be struggling themselves). This is where you are at (caring about this other person, sticking up for yourself, worrying about this other person). I understand your fear in having forgotten their name / handle. Its something I might worry about too. But this is something you can't control. I would also suggest you do not need to apologize to them. I understand you may want to express you care. I'm sorry you can't, with this person. Hugs. When you're ready, focus on what you can control: do something nice for yourself. Do something nice for someone else. Spend time with people you love. Do something you enjoy. When I'm struggling, I tell myself that it won't always be like this. Emotions and situations are like waves. They come, and they go.

@MickeyCheeky:

I feel you behaved in a manner i admire and aspire to! You tried to NEGOTIATE the relationship with the troubling person. I so wish i could be this strong! When a relationship is not to my liking, i just abandon it, just dump the person. This results in a lot of regret when i later miss the person.

So bravo for your excellent efforts! You behaved admirably and if the other person didn't, that's on them.

Good for you for being assertive, though I can understand your emotional dilemma. I’ve been on both sides of this fence, I’m kind of ashamed to say… I learned from it, though, and an apology from the other person (who was in your position) probably wouldn’t have improved the situation at the time. Sometimes consequences are the best teacher.
It’s understandable that you’d worry about what they might have done afterwards, but like others said, you can’t control their reactions. You can only be mindful of other’s feelings so much before you find you’re putting your needs below everyone else’s.
I think each time you enforce boundaries it will feel a bit better, too.

Honestly since you only know them through online chat and apparently don’t even know their name and phone number, you have no idea who they are and what they think and what’s really going on and who is hurt or not.

I’m sorry that your friend has treated you horribly. It wasn’t wrong to put a healthy boundaries.