[Mtrman]

My wife suffers from bi polar disorder she has always had her ups and downs but lately it seemed to get much worse she was always crying or upset then last week I found out she has been having an affair with her ex she says she loves me but she's not in love with me anymore and he's the only one who makes her feel sane I don't know what to do or if there's anything I can do she's been gone for 5 days and I feel so alone

[Werewoman]

Do you think she would come back, and if she did, would you take her back?

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[Mtrman]

I don't know it's the second time it's happened the last time she was drinking heavily this time she's sober I feel like I tried she wouldn't except my help I really don't know anything right now especially with this other man in the picture

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Mtrman

I don't know it's the second time it's happened the last time she was drinking heavily this time she's sober I feel like I tried she wouldn't except my help I really don't know anything right now especially with this other man in the picture

I really don't know what to think about your wife, but I think you need to focus on yourself more. You can't control what she says and does but you can control your response.
Regardless, this will not be over for some time, so start doing things that make you feel good about yourself.

I'm in the process of walking away from a 30 year marriage. It's very surreal and frightening. I don't know at what point everything changed. We've always been tight up until about three years ago.

[Mtrman]

She came and got her stuff today she got really upset I was to but I kept my mouth shut I feel like she really doesn't want to leave but feels like she has to she's always been very easily manipulated it just feels like this guy is using her emotions against her she say he's the only one who can help her I offered to do counseling therapy what ever it took but she believes he's the only way

[Mtrman]

I'm trying to get through this its so hard I miss her everyday I have to pretend I'm ok for my boys but I'm dying inside I spent 20 years loving her I'm lost right now I don't see how everything can change so fast I know bi polar effects a lot of her way of thinking but I don't know how she could just walk away from her family our kids a devastated they don't even understand it

[Rive.]

Get support by all means - from objective people such as a mental health professional. And do what is best for you. Always.

Unfortunately, your wife is suffering from a mental illness. She does not get a free pass but at the same time, she is not the devil incarnate.

[Mtrman]

Thank you I am talking to a therapist. Just helps to vent somewhere else sometimes I'm worried about what might happen to her and missing her at the same time trying to comfort my kids and be strong is hard as hell have to hide my emotions most days and not knowing where things went wrong is almost to much

[Molinit]

Okay, she isn't worried about you so why are you worrying about her? Your children need to be #1 priority here and they should be taking all the energy you are wasting on her.

Please explore in therapy why you are so enmeshed in that relationship.

[Aviza]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wish I had a man who loved me like you love your wife. She's so lucky. And she's throwing it away. She'll wake up and regret her decision. Than you will have moved on. I'm sad reading this.

[Mtrman]

Im doing everything I can for my kids I'm worried about her because I've always been there when things get bad in her head I know I shouldn't but it's hard to shut off how you feel I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis so after an 8 to 12 hour work day I'm struggling to move and I still have to cook get kids to and from school and do chores at home so I don't have time for friends or anything else and if I did I'm In to much pain anyway that's not a sympathy plea I've learned to live with that when she is good she the sweetest person on earth I still can't get her smile out of my head she could talk for hours about nothing but when she was bad she slept most of the day and would cry the restive held her many nights trying to make things better

[Mtrman]

Guess it doesn't matter know she's filing for divorce

[Open Eyes]

When it comes to mental illness often even the individual suffering struggles to understand.

[Mtrman]

I think a lot of our struggles are from communication I work a lot and struggle to get around when I'm home and she felt like she couldn't talk to me

[hvert]

I don't know what you can do if her mind is made up. Would she go to a couple's counseling session with you to work on anything? It sucks, I'm sorry this is happening.

[Werewoman]

Wait, SHE cheated on you and had a kid with another guy and she's divorcing YOU? Sweetheart, your life is about to get a whole lot better, even though it probably doesn't seem that way now.

I wish you all the best. You deserve to be happy without her.

[Mtrman]

She cheated didn't have another kid though the kids are mine and they stayed with me and I don't know what she's willing or not willing to do right now I've never seen her like this her bp episodes are usually spaced out once or twice a year it seems like she bouncing back and forth through episodes over a matter of days she's depressed and angry one day and bouncing off the walls the next I need to get her help but this other guy is blocking my every attempt I'm afraid if it goes on to long there will be nothing anyone can do

[Molinit]

You don't need to do anything for her. Make sure she is ordered to pay child support. You have children to take care of and they should be taking all of your energy. Please get therapy - your fixation on "helping" her is not healthy. She isn't caring about dumping children with you.

[Mtrman]

I don't give up on people that easily especially someone I love she is there mother and in my mind helping her is helping them regardless of her actions they need her I can only see it hurting them if she's not ok

[Mtrman]

Well now her aunt has convinced her she isn't bipolar so she's quitting her meds

[Molinit]

No contact except for child health or transportation. Don’t ask her anything regarding her. She is an adult.

[divine1966]

It’s her responsibility to seek help from her psychiatrist snd her doctor and her therapist. It’s not your job to fix her especially since she is the one left to be with another man. What can you do here? Nothing. At this point it is your responsibility to take care of your kids. Not worry about your ex. And I agree with the other poster. File for child support. She must contribute.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Mtrman

I'm trying to get through this its so hard I miss her everyday I have to pretend I'm ok for my boys but I'm dying inside I spent 20 years loving her I'm lost right now I don't see how everything can change so fast I know bi polar effects a lot of her way of thinking but I don't know how she could just walk away from her family our kids a devastated they don't even understand it

I have bipolar and I have been married and faithful for over 27 years. I think bipolar affects alot and during mania- sure risk taking behaviors take place but I dont think its typical of someone with bipolar to cheat.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Mtrman

Im doing everything I can for my kids I'm worried about her because I've always been there when things get bad in her head I know I shouldn't but it's hard to shut off how you feel I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis so after an 8 to 12 hour work day I'm struggling to move and I still have to cook get kids to and from school and do chores at home so I don't have time for friends or anything else and if I did I'm In to much pain anyway that's not a sympathy plea I've learned to live with that when she is good she the sweetest person on earth I still can't get her smile out of my head she could talk for hours about nothing but when she was bad she slept most of the day and would cry the restive held her many nights trying to make things better

Have you heard of codependence?
What It’s Like to be in a Codependent Relationship with a Bipolar Partner | by Nikola Grace Radley | Fearless She Wrote | Medium This is a very good article to check out.

[Mtrman]

I'm not saying it's just bipolar I think this guy just got to her at a vulnerable point she has been depressed for a couple months he told her he had training in helping those suffering from depression so she talked to him while I was working I didn't know until after when I found their messages he eventually told her he had feelings for her kicker is he has training as a 911 dispatcher