I'm struggling with something.


I'm taking a non-violent communication course. The classroom is through zoom and a forum and we have homework and a book to read. I think the content is pretty great and I always leave there feeling happy and glad I went, though I am finding myself wondering about some things, presented by some of my fellow students in particular, and may ask for some clarity from the teacher privately at some point.


To make the experience of class even more immersive, we have been assigned "buddies." Class partners, much like a lab partner. I meet with my partner usually once a week by phone. She lives in another state. We have practices we need to do together.


I like her, but I also find that I feel drained after our conversations, and I rarely look forward to meeting with her. I don't know if it's her, or just having a buddy in general for this class that is not working for me.


I have been finding myself, every week, like since the beginning, thinking about saying "I apologize but I am going through some things at this time and don't feel able to keep up with the buddy work for this class." I'd blame it on me. And then bow out. However, I think this might be hurtful to her, having put like...7 weeks in already with me. The thing is, sometimes things don't work out. And I am not responsible for her feelings nor do I have to stay and have a buddy. I'm doing this for my own enrichment. It is optional for this class to have a buddy. And I see on the forum, people are still looking for buddies, so its not like she would be completely left high.


She has also expressed that she wants to continue talking with me after class ends. I guess I'm not 100% on board. I was somewhat onboard. But not 100%. And we are supposed to meet via zoom for the first time next week, and she is looking forward to it, she said. I feel guilty.


On top this, she criticized me about something sensitive and still tender to me last time we met. I was surprised and hurt and taken off guard. I didn't say anything. In my head, I said "ouch!" though.


This may seem small, or knit picky, and I may be wishing for more friends, but...don't we get to choose who we are friends with?


I've been questioning in my head: do I just not like criticism? Would I really end a classmate buddy situation over this? Or I am just not being validating to myself? I just don't know what's the normal thing to do. Does it matter?


I guess I'm just trying to decide what to do. I know what I want to do, but I guess I'm scared to do it.

[unaluna]

I would say, like about the sensitive topic, that you wanted to bring something up from last time (or whenever). Tell her you were taken aback, or you were surprised at her bluntness, and see how she responds. If her response is still off-putting, just say "this isnt working for me" and end the buddy relationship.

[*Beth*]

I feel for you. I was in a communications class once and I found the class exciting and inspiring. A few weeks into the class we were assigned buddies. The idea was to go to certain places and write about the experience. The woman who was my buddy was a nurse and seemed super nice.
I felt lucky to be her buddy. Sooo...one evening we chose to go to a restaurant. When we were at the restaurant I was surprised at how comfortable I felt. Suddenly, near the end of our time at the restaurant my buddy suddenly went into a rant that was racist. I was horrified. I was quite young and too embarrassed to tell her how I felt about her racism. If it was today, at my age, I would have let her know.

Anyway, I have no memory of what happened with my buddy after that. It was sad, because up until her rant I was enjoying her company.

I wish I had some advice for you. All I can think of is if your buddy gives you a bad feeling, go with it. I know it's really challenging to tell someone that you don't think the situation is working out. But if you do say what's on your mind I think you'll feel good about being genuine.

Thank you both for your replies.

I did contact her and ended it in as kind a way I could think of.

Some of this...was me feeling like I needed to stay with something because in my past I've not stuck with stuff. I have grown though, and I made a list of things I have stuck with, and people I have stuck by. Its a good list.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for this thread, it's helpful to me!