Contacted an ex online after 13 years, need advice

I looked up an ex on Facebook after 13 years of breakup back in mid November and sent an email. She contacted me within 90 minutes and we real timed emailed back and forth for about 30 minutes catching up etc.

By the end of November, we had emailed 2 more times, but not in real time. At the end of November, I emailed if she would like to talk on the phone instead and she emailed back to give her my phone number.

A few days later, beginning of December, on a Saturday morning, she emailed me to see if I was going to be around for the weekend and what would be a good time to call. I emailed back on Sunday morning to call me any time early Sunday evening.

I didn't hear back, so 11 days later, I emailed saying just checking in didn't hear from you. She emailed me 3 days later apologizing stating that her uncle and nephew had Covid and she was also busy with XMAS stuff and asked how I was doing. I emailed back I was home if she wanted to call me and then never heard from her again.

What happened? I was hoping to be friends or just talk. Why email me then never follow up. Now I feel like a fool and an idiot. Would appreciate any feedback.

Thanks

I don't know. It could be a multitude of reasons. Perhaps she was confused herself. I'm sorry she left you hanging / vanished. Maybe exes are exes for a reason though.

After 13 years and in the absence of mutual kids I’d say let it go. If you were going to be friends you’d already be friends. I think perhaps she thought of calling but then it didn’t seem wise. Time to move on. If you want to make friends, exes aren’t aren’t the best people for that

You do not have her phone number?

Anyway, this stuff sounds like to me like - just a thought of mine - you'd maybe benefit from looking into your own motives here. Ask yourself, why you'd like to be friends with an old ex. Maybe there is something you'd like to emotionally process about the relationship. There is no need to talk with the ex about that however, if that's the motive. Also ask yourself, what makes you want to get in contact with her now and not earlier? Only you can know the motives and reasons, and then if you thought about all this, you can decide better what actions to take or not take.

I was thinking along the same lines. She is an ex for a reason *and* 13 years is a long time. Anyway, what is done is done.

I would take her not getting back to you as pretty clear, and move on.

I think that with any online friendship/relationship, there is always the possibility that the connection will end suddenly, at any time, seemingly inconsistently or at random, without any reason being given.

Yeah, pretty much there is too little information about the other person's real life stuff. That coupled with less inhibition online, and less access to emotional attunement nonverbally from the face, body language and tone and so on, can make things plenty messy and unnatural.

The phase of hoping to be friends or "just talking" would be more realistic if already naturally talking over some coffee IRL and stuff like that.

hello, your post title rings true.
can't answer it as looking for that answer too.
my story somewhat different but it was 13 years and we did meet.
but that communication blackout hurts. with no real answers.
I could say that's women for you! as I would never had left it like that.

Good post. I had similar thoughts.

I'm sorry she vanished (/left you hanging)

Naa its men for you! I'm a woman, Ive had that issue with men, I'd never treat a man or woman like that. Like, disrespecting them about a serious issue with not bothering to do any communication about the issue....no I don't do that.