[morosecupcake]

ive known my friend with bipolar for a few years now, we dated off and on, but with both of our mental health issues it wasnt working out because we couldnt communicate right through issues.

i told him that i think his bipolar was getting worse (hes not on meds or in therapy rn) and he exploded on me and said that he knows coping skills and has a support group, but ive known him for years and i've seen it get worse with his mania, rage, and depression. he told me hates me and doesnt want anything to do with me.

is this it then forever? have i lost one of my best friends, or is there something i can do? despite all the rage they gave me i never gave any rage back and just kept telling them i care about them and want them in my life as a friend and that i hope in the future we can be friends still.

i dont know if theyve had a healthy friendship that didnt have rage and huge blow outs on both sides, from the ones ive seen he's either cut them out cause they did one thing they think was bad or would say all his exes are terrible people. part of me is scared that im going to just be that to him, a crazy, terrible person.

ive made mistakes in our years of friendship but ive apologized and did my best to make things right, im in therapy for myself since i have depression and ive always done my best to see things from his perspective but hes never apologized for the hurtful mean things hes said or done to me, but i dont hold it against him because i care about him and i know a lot of is just his bipolar.

has anyone gone through something similar with a friend? is there any advice you could give me?

[CANDC]

Hi @morosecupcake - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you have challenges with your friend.

Angry people are very difficult to deal with. People with mental health issues that refuse treatment can often find themselves in patient when they lose touch with reality.

I think one question to ask yourself is if you feel safe with them. If not keeping out of their sphere of influence may be advisable because in my experience when I am there with them, I am an object of their rage. It is not fun or comfortable.

Being in a relationship with someone that does not want to be with me has proven to rarely work. Even if we do stay associated, the allure of that person and the relationship changes forever. I cannot speak for what you need to do, but I think without them accepting treatment, having a relationship with them will be unsettling and very one sided.

Boundaries not only protect me physically, they also prevent emotional and verbal abuse. I have to maintain them and enforce them in order to not become another abused person. I actually had to reinvent who and how I thought of myself.

Have you considered having a therapist so you can talk this out with them. They could have more details and their professional opinion might serve you well.

[morosecupcake]

i do have a therapist, she mentioned that from what it sounds like it's that he "split" on me and painted me black just based on the information i gave her.

i didn't mean to invalidate his feelings, he's been in patient before and has had a lot of struggles. i'm just worried about him. he said any issues he's having is because of me because i'm a terrible person.

i do feel safe with him, he means a lot to me. but he said i ****ed up and ruined any chances of a friendship with him, and it just doesn't make any sense to me. friends fight sometimes, i don't believe that friendships should be based off of chances. i know it's just his bipolar, i just want to support him.

i asked one of my other friends with bipolar what she would do after a fight and she said she is quick to anger and feel betrayed and will after time reach out to address what happened, but i know everyone is different.

i'm trying my best to keep up with my own treatment and help myself but this is consuming me and i just feel so terrible. i'm starting to regret ever telling him i think he should get therapy again. i'm just so sad.

[Rive.]

There is nothing you can do if he does not want to get his issues under control (e.g. therapy, meds, taking your feedback in consideration).

He says and does mean and hurtful things, he rages, has blow outs - all directed AT you. Plus, he never owns up to it or apologises. These are major red flags. He seems out of control and even abusive. This is not a healthy relationship.

[morosecupcake]

You’re right ): I just care so much, I’m just so sad and heartbroken and a part of me believes him that it is all my fault but I know he just need to work all this out on his own because I can’t do anything now.

Thank you for the help everyone I’m gonna do my best to just heal on my own and try to leave him in my past even though it hurts