To make a (very) long story short, my brother (well, half-brother, but I just say brother) and his wife have a 6 year old (almost 7) son. My brother has recently been put in jail for crimes he committed against me when he was my guardian, and it's going to be safe to say he will be in jail for a while.

Normally the kid would stay with his mum, but his mum just passed away and now he is left an orphan. Now I've always been close to the kid, he's a brilliant kid. He knows his mum and dad won't be coming back, and now he says he wants to stay with me.

But I'm 19, I've got two very young kids as it is, and I've got a lot on my plate lately: I'm scared I can't do it. Legally, on his papers, if his parents were to be unable to take care of him, he goes to my girlfriend and I. I've taken care of him on numerous occasions, and he's even asked me if I'm going to be his new daddy.

I feel bad because he seems to think of me as a father figure, but I've always considered myself his fun uncle, not as a responsible guardian.

Just wanted everyone's two cents on the situation.

[sabby]

Oh ((((( Ledgewood & Nephew )))))) what a difficult thing to have to go through....both of you

Is there anyone else in your family that could give your nephew a stable environment while you still give him your love and attention without the responsibilities of raising him in your home?

It's not the end of the world if you cannot take him in. I know it will break your heart, but you have responsibilities to yourself, your g/f and your own children and that's a lot in and of itself.

Is it possible that if he has to go into foster care you could still have a close relationship with him? Is it possible to have him in your home for a short time until other suitable arrangements are made? Wow, so many questions isn't there?

Take your time and breathe....ask questions, do research, search your heart and your gut and talk with your g/f. See if there is some kind of plan you can make. I'm sure others here will have other ideas for you to think about too.

I don't envy your situation as this is so difficult for all concerned. I do so hope you are able to come up with a workable plan for everyone. Know that my thoughts are with you and I'll keep you all in my prayers.


sabby

[AAAAA]

(((((Ledgewood))))) I am so proud of you! You did it!!!! You do have a lot going on right now, but if it is possible take him in! He already looks up to you, you can still be a fun uncle and a dad! I wish you the very best of luck!

my concern would be if your brother molested his own son too. in which case this boy may have a lot of his own problems, and may not be safe to have around your children until he gets therapy.

either way...this child is going to need a lot of help to deal with the loss of his parents.

[Perna]

Go for it! You've got both of you wanting one another as a positive. It would be harder on him (and you I think) if he had to go into foster care at this time. You can start with him in your household, see how it goes, get extra money for him and support for him, etc. in his father's name and just see how it all goes. Later when he understands more and/or isn't so fond of you or you are having a hard time with him, then adjustments can be made?

((((( Everyone ))))) for the replies.

There is no family left that could take care of him, just my girlfriend and myself. I could put him in foster care, but I'm not very trusting of foster care and child services, and I think it would be too much for him.

As for what my brother did to him, it looks like he had been beaten up a couple of times. He's told me about it but social services are doing their best to make sure nothing else happened.

I talked with the social services today and they said they want to talk with me again tomorrow morning, they spent most of today talking with my nephew. I'm very proud of him for handling all of this so well. Tomorrow is his Birthday and once I get back from social services we will celebrate. Thank you for the continued support everyone!

[Soidhonia]

(((LEDGEWOOD))). I am sorry you are struggling at this time with al lof these dilemas. I am only suggesting this because I know you are trying to be responsible and make the Right decisions in this case with your nephew living with you. PLESE let your therapist help you make the decisions you need to make in this case, since all this is very sensitive and traumatizing to you since it involves your life as well. There is going to be numerous decisions to be made in the future, and I hope you will let your therapists and social services help you make the right deicisions regarding your family and your nephew if possible. Take care Ledgewood. I will try to catch up with you Tuesday in chat in the afternoon. I am off on Monday due to the holiday. Soidhonia

[Abby]

Just wondering how things are.

Take care!!!

[curley]

Ledgewood, you really have a difficult decision to make. You have two infant sons to think about and I know you are. You say there is no other family to take care of the boy and that puts even more pressure on you and your girlfriend I am sure. If you do not think you can take on another responsibility then you probably should not. You certainly dont want to make your nephew feel that he is a burden. And I am sure if you put him in foster care he will be hurt and that will make you feel worse. But if that is your choice it is important for him to know that you have not forgotten him. I would make sure you have scheduled visitation with him. This way he will know that on this weekend or this Saturday he will be with his family, - you! It may be wise to get him into some type of counseling also. He will have many feelings to vent I am sure. I do not envy your position. But I am so proud of you for many changes that you are trying to make. You have taken on many responsibilites for a man your age. I hope you are able to make a decision that will be the best for everyone involved. Good luck my best thoughts and prayers are with you

[Ocean13]

You can do anything you put your mind to! You have a chance to love and mold the life of this young person who looks up to you! That's the biggest compliment you can get. You can help this little man become a better person than his father was to you. God is entrusting these lives to you because he believes in you. Talk to someone in your church. See if you can find more support for families. Support groups, family groups, .....

Best Of Luck***

OcEaN

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ledgewood said:
To make a (very) long story short, my brother (well, half-brother, but I just say brother) and his wife have a 6 year old (almost 7) son. My brother has recently been put in jail for crimes he committed against me when he was my guardian, and it's going to be safe to say he will be in jail for a while.

Normally the kid would stay with his mum, but his mum just passed away and now he is left an orphan. Now I've always been close to the kid, he's a brilliant kid. He knows his mum and dad won't be coming back, and now he says he wants to stay with me.

But I'm 19, I've got two very young kids as it is, and I've got a lot on my plate lately: I'm scared I can't do it. Legally, on his papers, if his parents were to be unable to take care of him, he goes to my girlfriend and I. I've taken care of him on numerous occasions, and he's even asked me if I'm going to be his new daddy.

I feel bad because he seems to think of me as a father figure, but I've always considered myself his fun uncle, not as a responsible guardian.

Just wanted everyone's two cents on the situation.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[nightbird]

you know, sometimes the least wanted child brings one the most blessings.

something to consider.

it could also be a great healing journey for both you and the child - going it together, kinda of.

just my thoughts on it.

do what you feel is right or as someone wise told me once - do whatever it takes to make this right.