Chronic interrupters

What's the best way to deal with someone who frequently interrupts and talks over you?

Both my husband and my daughter seem to think that anything they have to say is more important than what I'm already in the middle of saying. Hubby, by the way, will not tolerate being interrupted himself, even if I'm trying to give him a vital piece of information that will render his whole conversation moot. For example, he's venting frustration because he found a button missing on his uniform, but I saw it first, and I've already mended it. I try to tell him so, and I can't get a word in. "Let me finish! Let me finish! Let me finish!" (Yes, he says it three times.) This from the same guy who thinks nothing of cutting me off and talking over me. If I point out that he interrupted me, he'll swear up and down, "I thought you were finished," even if I was obviously still talking. How could he think I was finished? Did I sound finished? Do most people abruptly end their conversations in the middle of a syllab...?

My daughter is even more habitual. I can scarcely ever finish a whole sentence when she's around. She does have bipolar disorder. When she's gearing up to a manic, I don't have a chance, and neither does anybody else. She WILL dominate ALL conversation. That's often how I can tell a manic is building up.

By the way, my husband is not my daughter's father. He's her step-father. But her father, my ex-husband--worst of all. Once, after he cut me off several times in rapid succession and I finally got annoyed about him not letting me talk, he told me he was doing it on purpose because I was trying to bring up a subject he didn't want to discuss.

It seems to happen to me a lot. Just makes me wonder if maybe I'm not valuable enough to be listened to.

That is not a nice way for people to treat you. It must be so frustrating and it is disrespectful towards you.

Something like this used to happen to me but then this person stopped being part of my life and so the problem sort of solved itself. I never really found a good solution to the problem and it really drove me crazy.

I did an internet search "how to stop people from interrupting you" and found some good advice there. Don't know if it would work for you. Sure hope you find a solution. You deserve to be heard without interruption. That is common courtesy. I hope you will not let this affect your self-esteem since you are the victim here.

So sorry I don't know how to be helpful to you.

This happens to me a LOT too. It DOES send the message that what I'm saying isn't important.

They often give some bs like "I thought you were done" too or "I didn't hear you still talking".

What I do is smile and hold up my hand, saying "I'm still talking." That shuts them up FAST. Depending on the person, I also smile and say, "Hey it's not nice to talk over people" or "Let me finish and I'll tell you."

It happens with acquaintances, people in customer service, etc. EVERYBODY. And my voice isn't even loud, esp. with a mask, so it takes extra effort to be heard. And add all the ambient noise in the world to that.........

I'm gonna get real... your daughter having bipolar disorder should never be an excuse for her to be upright rude to you no matter what. I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but you as the parent should inform her each time she interrupts you that shes being rude, and that is not going to be tolerated in the house.. Your husband should know better then to do that... hes an adult. I would privately speak with him about this ongoing occurrence... his behavior maybe influencing your daughter... after all if he can get away with it... why can't she?

Be assertive and don't let them disrespect you like that... If it comes to the point where you need to buy an air horn, and use it on them each time they interrupt you so be it.


You may need to evaluate about the relationship that you have with your husband if he is disrespecting you this much by continuously interrupting you when you try to speak.

Unfortunately, this is a learned habit and a terrible habit. I have a friend who does exactly the same to me. I can hardly speak, she speaks over me when I am talking and constantly interrupts. I have brought it to her attention, telling her exactly how it makes me feel, ie, .that what I have to say is not valued by her, and she STILL does this to me.

What's really wrong here in your situation is that your husband doesn't like it done to HIM, yet he still does this to YOU, even when you bring it to his attention. Now that is really off.... since he knows how it feels and dislikes it, he is completely disrespecting you and is disregarding how YOU feel, placing a far higher priority on HIMSELF and how HE FEELS. I mean, it's one thing when they don't realize they are doing this, and then try to modify the behavior when it's brought to their attention. But when it's brought up and there's NO CHANGE in the behavior? That means they are blatantly disregarding and disrespecting you. He did not think you were finished - he knows you were not and he does this anyways.

I would not tolerate that for one second. I would put my foot down and tell him that it's UNACCEPTABLE behavior. AND to your daughter. Your daughter has learned a very bad habit from her bio father and is repeating what she has learned. She will turn a LOT of people away and will have a hard time with relationships if she does not stop the behavior. And you should not be accepting of this behavior from your own husband.

That's my two cents!

Easy: remove yourself from the room.

If he can't give you the courtesy to let you finish, you need to implement your boundaries so people *do* show you the same respect they expect from you. 'You won't hear me out and let me finish? Okay then, bye'. If they actually want to have a conversation, then you come back.

It's not enough *telling* people to let you finish if they keep cutting you off. *Show* them that you mean business. No need for anger or blame, just calmly remove yourself.

Good posts Have Hope and Rive. I was thinking the same thing about leaving the room, if this is happening in person. If it's on the phone, I'd say unless they are going to listen to me, I'm hanging up. Then do it if they don't respect me and cut that OUT.

I was taught it's rude to interrupt people or talk over them. It implies that what I'm saying is more important. Maybe this isn't taught anymore. I don't know. I have a casual "friend" who did this a LOT when I first met her, and after I repeatedly asked her to stop doing that she finally stopped.

I haven't spoken to her in months, though that's not the reason. It just seems the friendship isn't as deep as I thought it was. And I don't even miss her. Another "friend" is even worse with her interruptions and domination of the "conversation", being loud and overbearing. I don't miss her either. If I can't talk to them in a real back and forth way, it's not a conversation.

Arbie I hope things get better and you get through to their THICK skulls........

This is very annoying and I deal with this constantly from my husband because of his ADHD.

I've definitely dealt with the type before. Some are just loud, oblivious extroverts. Others are like your family, domineering and obnoxious. Can't stand the conversation not centered around them.

It might be a bit childish, but going broken record on people seems to work for me. If I'm cut off mid sentence for no good- good- good- good- Sounding like a malfunctioning robot puts most of those people off their game and I can pick up right where I left off. Repeat as needed.

The other route I got is like the others. If you can't get them to work with you, walk away. Don't even say a word. If they want to cut you off mid-sentence, walk away mid-sentence. If they whine about rudeness, remind them "tit for tat."

Thank you, everyone, for your support here. In addition to my daughter having bipolar disorder, my husband does think he may be on the autism spectrum. It could help explain why he may not realize I wasn't finished talking yet. He has improved a lot, but it's still difficult with my daughter. She overtalks not only me but pretty much everybody. We've been considering going into family therapy together. If we do, that's one thing I would definitely like addressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arbie Thank you, everyone, for your support here. In addition to my daughter having bipolar disorder, my husband does think he may be on the autism spectrum. It could help explain why he may not realize I wasn't finished talking yet. He has improved a lot, but it's still difficult with my daughter. She overtalks not only me but pretty much everybody. We've been considering going into family therapy together. If we do, that's one thing I would definitely like addressed.

I used to have it happen a lot living around dysfunctional people all my life (including my ex) but even just in normal conversations outside of home.

I found that sometimes my answers (or what I was trying to say) wasn't direct & to the point & I tended to ramble with my part of the conversation.... .but I also realized that they weren't listening anyway.

Example you could just say in a loud voice, "your button is fixed" instead of making it part of the conversation.

For me, it was a really strange feeling once I left my bad marriage & moved totally away from the area, the people in my new community actually stopped to hear what I was saying. It surprised me so much at first I actually forgot what I was trying to say until I focused of being more precise with my part of the conversation & got used to what it was like really being around people who were not dysfunctional. 15 years later, I have much better communication skills & am a part of conversations instead of being talked over (or ignored)