When she has something happen, she freaks out and floods my emails

My phone is barely clinging to WiFi now, if I respond to her 30 or more emails it will cause WiFi to kick me off again, I have to keep manually connecting my phone back to WiFi

This is not a tech question, what I'm asking is reassuring her is not working

What can I do to help?

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @willowtigger, you can google what I'm about to tell you & probably find the answer to your problem with your friend. David D. Burns, M.D. has written several books. One of them, "Feeling Good", teaches about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT.) It explains things we think & do that cause depression, anxiety, etc. And it teaches us how to talk to ourselves to change our feelings & habits. It gives examples of maladaptive habits that various people end up adopting. One of the habits that some people might adopt is called "yes-but...". You can go ahead & google some articles about this. Maybe even find a book?

I'm up to almost 40 emails now from her, its overwhelming

This is just in the 8 hours that i was at work

even on my laptop i have no idea if i will get caught up before the next load from her

had to use the calculator to work out that 40 divided by 8 is , turns out its 5 emails a hour from her

i told her i have wifi problems on my phone at work and have previously asked her to only ask a question once then wait for me to respond, i get that she's distressed, am i wrong to feel that 40 emails (yes - 4 with a 0 on the end) is too many for one day?

i'm feeling too overwhelmed with the emails to be able to wade through them just now

Another 15 emails from her just while I was sleeping

Overwhelmed with it and won't have time to go through them all today

Is this bad? Some of her emails, gmail is flagging as being spams cause she emailed that much she got gmail worried her account turned into spams?

42 emails again since i went to work earlier, 15 of them was from overnight

is gmail going to flag me as a spams just for answering some of her emails?

[Have Hope]

@willowtigger, in my humble opinion the 42 emails at a time is borderline harassment. This person is clearly not altogether there and does need help, but to read AND answer over 40 individual emails? That's absurd. This person is bombarding you, with absolutely no boundaries or respect for you. I personally would not even reply and would block the person. It is insane what you are dealing with, and I think this individual is off their rocker crazy. That's my two cents!!

I did answer a couple of her emails to try and answer what she was asking me in the 42+ emails, i probably missed some questions that she asked idk, will gmail flag me as a spams for less than a handful of emails? sorry gmail deciding to get worried that she's a spams has got me afraid of gmail calling me a spams

[EagleTears]

There is no reason why this woman needs to bombard you with so many emails whenever she gets upset... 40 emails is quite excessive. I agree that it's borderline harassment. I would suggest that you send her a message about reducing the amount of emails that she sends to you.. You need to express yourself to her that whenever she sends you this many emails you become overwhelmed by the amount that she throws at you. If she doesn't care or respects this request... then you may need to start thinking about blocking her... add her account as spam so Gmail can start putting all of her emails in the spam folder.

[AzulOscuro]

I’m gonna be very harsh but I would give her no response.
The best way to help her is giving her the choice to realise that there are boundaries and that it’s not fair to to put herself before your own wellbeing. She has to understand that everybody has their problems. You are not her therapist, you are her friend and she need to learn that you also have your life and your worries.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I’m gonna be very harsh but I would give her no response.
The best way to help her is giving her the choice to realise that there are boundaries and that it’s not fair to to put herself before your own wellbeing. She has to understand that everybody has their problems. You are not her therapist, you are her friend and she need to learn that you also have your life and your worries.

I agree with this.

[RockyRoad007]

I know your heart is in the right place, but she is disrespecting you big time. She is dumping her problems onto you.

You've gotten some good advice from others here.

If this were me, I would have a hard time simply cutting off a friend in need.
Why don't you send her an email stating that all her emails are beginning to have a negative effect on you, but you still want to be there for her and are willing to read and answer one email a day.

Then send all her emails to spam, and at the end of the day after you have taken care of all your needs such as eating, doing dishes, showering or whatever, go into your spam folder and without reading them, cherry pick exactly one email to respond to. And keep it to one.

And also suggest she gets counselling. Tell her they are more prepared to help her than you are.

[Bill3]

You could tell her that you will read (for example) one email an hour (whatever number works for you in trying to support and have compassion for her without being overwhelmed) and that you will respond to that one email. Other emails you just don't have time to read.

I'm overwhelmed with my own stuff today, and once again she been sending several emails, less emails but really long ones with very few paragraphs and it's impossible to read through all of what she's said

Idk whether to tell her she needs to focus on her current relationship, not hanker (idk if that's a word or if I just made it up) after someone she used to know

[ShadowGX]

Oof. You need to set clear boundaries for sure. If you don't, she's going to lose you the hard way (you'll get so burnt out you just stop existing in her life) and she might honestly have no idea how much this spamming you affects you. If she cares about you at all, she will hear you out and try to be receptive.

If she doesn't care about you and thus can't accept a healthy boundary, then she's toxic and you do need to consider cutting her off. She expects you to read and respond to everything, no breaks, etc... What the heck? That is not even close to reasonable.

Hoping the best for ya. Kudos to you for putting up with it at all, let alone as long as you have, but at some point your mental health needs to be considered.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I'm overwhelmed with my own stuff today, and once again she been sending several emails, less emails but really long ones with very few paragraphs and it's impossible to read through all of what she's said

Idk whether to tell her she needs to focus on her current relationship, not hanker (idk if that's a word or if I just made it up) after someone she used to know

Are you still feeling overwhelmed, @willowtigger??

[mamarika]

There is no reason why this woman needs to bombard you with so many emails whenever she gets upset... 40 emails is quite excessive. I agree that it's borderline harassment. I would suggest that you send her a message about reducing the amount of emails that she sends to you.. You need to express yourself to her that whenever she sends you this many emails you become overwhelmed by the amount that she throws at you. If she doesn't care or respects this request... then you may need to start thinking about blocking her... add her account as spam so Gmail can start putting all of her emails in the spam folder.