just got into a screaming fight with my mother...

Sorry, last reply for now, I should have bunched all of these into the same single post... She is not meek at all with my father, on the contrary, she doesn't listen to him at all. She tries to bully him on everything and his solution is to tune her out (he told me this a while ago, that he just lets her talk but "tunes her out"). He also hides things from her until the last minute, like business trips she'll object to. And he has given up on various things that require accord between them, like renovating the house.

Did your mother work?

For a while, once my brother and I were older. No longer.

I was just wondering what her work was and if she had an education for a certain kind of career.

So it sounds that she is a bully all around. Equal opportunity offender.

It must be hard on your dad! At least you don’t live near by…

I am sorry. It’s tough

I am sure she takes no responsibility for her behaviors but just looks at what’s wrong with other people. She must be miserable deep inside. No way someone like her is happy. What a shame. I am sure therapy wouldn’t be helpful if she isn’t insightful. She’ll just talk about how others do her wrong and how her kids are too sensitive and how everyone should be like her. Sad situation

Thanks everyone for your advice, support and engagement. I guess I'm over it. I was super upset at the time, probably because I was really stressed about unrelated things and it was just too much at that moment. I'm so thankful I can come here at those times to just get it out and receive some feedback.

My mom is an extremely difficult person to deal with, but I still love her and want to be a good daughter to her. She was a great parent to me and my brother when we were young. Sometimes I see pictures of her when she was a kid or a teenager and I feel really sad. I understand a lot of the difficulties she's gone through in her life: coming to a new country, raising her family under financial pressure, finding herself without purpose once her kids were older, struggling to find work after being home for so long, etc. She was also someone who took great pride in her good looks and I know how hard it's been for her to see those looks fade in recent years. Every time I interact with her, it's a fine balance (that I often fail at) of protecting myself while still trying to treat her with compassion.

Thanks again everyone! Best wishes to you all.

There is a lot of things you just shared that are important. I was thinking about her saying she was maintaining the home as if it’s ready in case you or your brother need it. Glad you shared that she is an immigrant as I think that a persons origins and customs play a key role in how they view things.

Yes, you are right in that a lot of aging happens in ones 60s and it’s hard to see yourself changing so much. So it’s good that you are considering that about her. I ask for the age a lot because a person goes through changes that can contribute to their sense of self and how they behave and view the world.

I frequented a market at the bottom of my road and that market was owned by a couple that had immigrated from Africa yet they had certain customs from India I was going through some really bad things and one day she politely asked me how I was doing and I broke down into tears. She reacted with so much caring and compassion. I was not expecting that so cried even harder. Yet she continued to be caring and compassionate and I really needed that kind of presence.

I became friends with her and learned her marriage was arranged and her husband never even called her by her name but instead would just say hey you. Her husband did not have much of a personality. It was an inconvenience for him to to make change. He talked about how where they lived, if they had a store they had workers and never did the work he was doing here. He tended to expect his wife to do most of the work. She was going through the change of life and having a hard time and lonely with it. That gave me a chance to return the favor of listening with a caring understanding ear. I learned a lot from this woman. She worked hard in that market they had two children a boy and a girl and they worked but also went to school/college.

It’s good that you have taken time to see the bigger picture when it comes to your mother. There are important things that go into how someone sees things and can be motivated to react based on their age, history and culture.

I think you are recognizing that, yet at the same time you are allowed to experience your own feelings and work through them. ❤️


This couple talked about how the US is so much safer to live in verses other countries. In other countries people think nothing of robbing you or attacking you on the street. So hearing where they lived and the dangers they experienced, made me appreciate things I had taken for granted.