[frommars]

there's something wrong with my mom, but she won't ever go get diagnosed or find any kind of help.

she has no friends. nobody in the family speaks with her besides me. she has these delusions almost that people are out to get her/think bad things about her. i spent so long trying to help her but she won't see clearly about it.

she's been with awful men her whole life. my father was abusive before they divorced (before i was born thankfully). her current husband is emotionally abusive.

she has turned on me before for pushing back against these men and has even gone as far as accusing me of being the abusive one, not them.

she can not hold down a job because she seeks drama at work, and then thinks her coworkers are out to get her.

in general she craves emotional rollercoasters and drama in relationships and life, is constantly exhausted, and has a strong need for everyone to pity her.

My relationship with her is very draining but I do not ever foresee myself cutting her out.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you experience that challenge with your mother. Unfortunately, if she won’t reach out for help she may not get better. It’s not your responsibility to fix your mother.

Are you able to distance from her?

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry about your mother being that way, and that she refuses to try to find help. It definitely sounds like she needs help. She does not sound at all self aware. How wrong of her to turn on you and accuse you of being the abusive one, and not the men who have abused her. That says a lot about her level of dysfunction.

I think I read in another post that you've moved away and are living in another city. That's excellent self care.

Thinking of you and sending gentle hugs

[Embracingtruth]

Its often been said we date and marry the people we think we deserve. If we use that premise as the foundation for looking at this situation, you can see where her past experiences reinforce this need to be with people who give her a prescribed outcome. Unfortunately you can not do anything to change that. There are so many variables that play into that situation and I would be willing to bet they go all the way back to her formative years as a child. So its really up to her to step outside her situation and see she is stuck in a pattern that will always give her what she expects. Whether or not that is what she really wants is another question. But for her, that is the nature of her reasoning and what allows her to justify her life choices. All you can really do is just be there in a supportive capacity when its possible. My deepest sympathy.

[*Beth*]

Your mom sounds strikingly like my own mom was. You didn't mention violence or outright abuse; I did experience those things from my mom, who was clearly mentally ill.

My suggestion is to limit the time you spend with or speak to your mom. Set healthy, solid boundaries.

I'm wary of the "no contact" trend because I don't see that it truly helps anyone heal, ultimately.

[poshgirl]

There are so many similarities here with my life.

You cannot force a parent to seek medical advice unless it reaches a situation where they are a danger to themselves and others.

As in my situation, looking back at their history and current behaviour often provides a pattern for understanding why they are how they are. Unfortunately, it rarely provides a solution.

I'm not going to hijack your thread. I came on site this morning to post my latest problem, but decided to catch up instead.

I wish you well with whatever decision you make