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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#61
TW: Now my husband is talking about suicide. He told me he is writing his will and told me where it will be found in case anyone needs it. I told him to speak with his therapist and get help, but he got mad because I pushed him off and didn't rush to be by his side. He also is upset that I seem fine when he is a total wreck. He knows nothing about the new guy, Jay, and I will not be divulging to him that I am dating someone. I told him yesterday it's not healthy for us to be in close communication and that we both need to move on.
I don't know how to remain cordial and on good terms, while also going little to no contact. I am trying..... I don't want to block him again because I want to end on cordial terms. I don't want it to be awful when we DO run into each other at a concert, which is inevitable. I want things to be cordial and friendly. I don't know how to do this. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
TishaBuv
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Legendary
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#62
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People who are divorcing are normally not rushing to each other’s sides and are not cordial and on good terms. I’m going through similar atm too so I sure understand __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Samicat
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#63
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He has done this before... he is very melodramatic about all things. One time, he called to say goodbye in case his plane went down. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Samicat
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TishaBuv
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Legendary
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#64
People who are divorcing are removing each other from their Wills. Wth is he talking about that you should know where to find his? Is he thinking he is going to get you back because you feel scared that he is suicidal? You did the right thing telling him to get mental health help.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
Samicat
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Legendary
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#65
My h also threatened sui as manipulation same as yours- not me, the one allegedly with mental health issues, I never did, he did. I never believed he would, yet there was fear that I may be wrong and then I’d be sorry for having not taken him seriously. But, no, he never would. He was just being manipulative and that was absolutely horrible of him to do.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
ArmorPlate108, Samicat
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ArmorPlate108
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,125
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#66
Quote:
I asked him if I could contact his therapist regarding my concerns over his safety and well being. He doesn't want me contacting anyone, including the police, his family or the therapist. I told him there are hotlines he can use. He is basically trying every angle to get my attention and to keep communications open. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#67
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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ArmorPlate108, TishaBuv
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Legendary
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#68
Quote:
Shall we watch the video again with the lion? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#69
Quote:
That was a great video! I had never seen that before. It's very applicable to your own situation... and to mine. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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TishaBuv
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#70
Hopefully he doesn’t have you listed as executor of his will. That would be a cruel joke. Dealing with closing out an estate is time consuming and can be expensive depending on the estate. Honestly might check on that. You can file with the court to refuse, but again, that puts the burden on you to do so.
Otherwise, there is no reason for continuing contact. You know you cannot be friendly without him pulling you back in again. He’s very good at that. No contact is your clear boundary for your future sanity. You don’t have to ever speak again. |
Have Hope
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#71
Quote:
I better not be the executor on the will. Ugh. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#72
He has family. It’s inappropriate to have exes in the will. Doesn’t he have a brother and nieces and nephews to leave money to? Or any family? It’s asinine to keep ex in the will if you have any family. What does he even have in his will? He’s broke, has no property and no savings so what’s he leaving you? His mom’s money? It doesn’t belong to his ex wife
I had an ex who faked cancer and dying so I know how it goes. He went on like this for over a year. He only stopped after I contacted his family and they were embarrassed he behaved that way. Contact his brother and tell him that his brother is suicidal. Let them intervene. If he doesn’t want you to contact anyone, he shouldn’t tell you he’s suicidal. They have rights to know that he’s suicidal even if we think it’s a lie. |
Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,125
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6 3,640 hugs
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#73
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Samicat
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#74
You can go against his wishes. You aren’t his therapist. You have no obligation of confidentiality. Call him in it. If he’s playing a game, he’ll be held accountable by his family. It’s not like he’s kept your private matters particularly private. I mean, I’d just claim concern over his safety and let him deal with the consequences.
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divine1966, Have Hope, Samicat, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#75
Quote:
He knows he has control over you. You aren’t even together and he still controls you. You are now worried about him and speculating about his will. And worry about how you’ll run into him at concerts (why does it even matter?). So much mental energy goes to figure out what to do about your ex like you have nothing else to do. And now you are afraid to go against his wishes. Why? What do you mean “you cannot”. Yes you can. He threatens suicide. All bets are off. Time to get family involved. What can he do to you? He has such unnatural hold over you. |
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Have Hope
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ArtleyWilkins, Samicat, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: US
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#76
I just thought about him saying “where to find his will.” You aren’t next of kin. You’ll have no access to his place or his belongings. Even if you had access, you can’t go rummage in ex’s belongings after their death. His brother will be in charge of it. Not you. In fact if something happens and you start talking about knowing where is his will, they won’t appreciate it. Even when people leave something to friends or not immediately family, they don’t give them instruction on where the will is at. You have no authority on what happens in case of ex’s death
Id tell your husband (or ex husband) to stop this nonsense. |
Have Hope, Samicat
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ArtleyWilkins, Samicat, unaluna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,125
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#77
He knows I am empathetic, so yes, he still has a bit of a hold on me. I don't like it necessarily, but I don't know how to change it, given how I am and the fact that I want a more amicable breakup.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: US
Posts: 22,470
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#78
Quote:
And you could have amicable break up and still maintain healthy boundaries and self respect. Having boundaries doesn’t make one not an empathetic person at all. Also amicable divorce doesn’t require listening to exes talking nonsense for months and believing everything they say even if they make zero sense I am not judging as I often didn’t have good boundaries myself, but does it make you feel good that he keeps pursuing you in such gross manner (implying you would literally do anything for money) ? You can’t say you went out with him last time only out of pity. Also you said he abused you and he continues disrespecting you now and you still focus on how to have good relationship with him NOW. Pleasing your abuser is still your priority and you are already almost divorced and dating someone else. It’s not healthy Last edited by divine1966; Mar 30, 2023 at 01:31 PM.. |
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ArtleyWilkins, mote.of.soul, Samicat, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
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#79
^^^^This^^^^
And if he was just being manipulative, I bet he won’t try that particular tactic again. |
Samicat
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,470
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9 1,279 hugs
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#80
Oh yeah ex who lied about dying and cancer, stoped all that when I contacted his family. I believed he was dying, but he didn’t even have cancer. His family put him in his place. It didn’t make me unemphatic. I believed he was sick!
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Samicat
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Samicat
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Closed Thread |
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