[Borderline Female]

I’m 35, and I’m this deep personal turmoil on if I want children.
I guess my biggest thing is if I’m doing it for the right reasons.….here are some of the things I think about when it comes to this topic….

My mental health. It’s so poor and children isn’t a cure. But I’m so lost in my life right now and I NEED CHANGE so badly I want to crawl out of my skin some days.

Is it because I’m getting older? Is it “me” that wants kids or the inner biological need as a woman? That drive?

I don’t have a partner, and I’m content being single. but is this choice going to be because there are some days I struggle? A void filler? Because children cannot be void fillers! I am “seeing” someone but it’s never going to end in a commitment. And my disorder prevents me from going out and meeting someone else

Identity and sense of belonging. My BPD.
It’s hard to fit in this world some days. And it’s nice to have something to call our own. But again is this what I need? Would being a mother give me purpose or destroy me?

I feel like it’s one of those “damned if I do but damned if I don’t situations” and I can’t tell if how I’m feeling is me or the BPD

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[Open Eyes]

Having a child is a huge commitment. A child needs a lot of attention and a very stable environment and parent in order to develop healthy self esteem.

[Have Hope]

Having a child is not done due to our own needs, or to fulfill anything that is missing in our lives.... it's done because we really want to be able to give all of ourselves to a child. Children require sacrifice and 24/7 caring. You have to be ready to give up aspects of yourself along with your freedom. I would not advise having a child when your mental health is so poor... that could end up seriously harming the child.

[VeronicaDavis10]

It sounds like you have a lot of valid concerns and questions about whether or not you want children. It's important to take the time to really explore and understand your motivations and desires before making such a significant decision. Consider seeking out therapy to help you work through your thoughts and feelings around this issue. A mental health professional can provide you with tools to help manage your BPD symptoms and also help you gain clarity around your decision-making process. Remember that there's no right or wrong answer when it comes to having children, and it's ultimately up to you to decide what's best for your life and well-being.