Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

I've had to be SO strong through this last year through SO much turmoil, upheaval, loss, and change. My father dying, then my separation, then my job loss, then my divorce, and now trying to get back on my feet again in my career, within myself, and in my life. It's all a bit too much for me to handle.

Every day I wake up, with an intention of pushing through, of getting things done and of forging ahead to accomplish my goals, however, the past few weeks have been especially difficult.

I find myself wanting time to myself to regroup, to relax, and to take a break/vacation from my problems. Then, I get down on myself for not being productive enough.

Like yesterday, I wasted most of the day on God knows what, I took a drive for an hour in the afternoon, then didn't even start my course until 3:30 PM. Originally, I meant to spend all day on my course, but I didn't.

I am tired of having to be so strong. I am tired of the struggle. I just want a break...

And I find myself wishing I still had a partner around to help support me through my difficulties. I am alone, and right now in this moment, it's hard for me to be alone. I know I don't NEED a man to live my life or to be strong, but I am missing being able to get moral and cheerleader support from a partner.

On a similar note, I spoke with Jay by phone this morning, for the first time in several weeks and since we broke things off. His married best friend has been hitting on me this last week, it makes me very uncomfortable, so I reached out to Jay about it over text, which prompted a call from him. We actually had a really nice conversation! I told him how I felt about his friend hitting on me. And then it just kind of evolved into more conversation from there. We talked about us briefly. He said that I am looking for "serious serious" and he says maybe he is meant to be a single gypsy. In response, I told him I am NOT looking for "serious serious", but that I did want things to develop. What I meant by that is I am not looking to get hitched right away again or even move in with someone again any time soon. Eventually, I may want to get married again, or at least be in a lifelong committed relationship. I don't need marriage necessarily, but commitment, I would eventually want, yes. Anyways, we talked and it was really good to talk to him again, but as friends. I do. miss his company. I told him I miss kissing him, lol, and said that he is a very good kisser. I think I made him blush. He told me I looked "amazing" and "very hot" the other night.... a part of me hopes or wishes that he still wants me... or feels desire for me.

I think it's natural to want a break given what you've gone through. You could at least give yourself a day off now and then.


And it's normal to want support as well. Friends are good, and then hopefully you will meet the right guy.

Ugh, that's awful that his married friend was hitting on you. I'm glad you were able to discuss it. And as for Jay, well, it's understandable there are still feelings there. At least you can be friendly which is good.

Thank you.

I've been feeling guilty for taking breaks. I've been taking more breaks than I would like, but I have to also honor my need for down time, and I seem to need a lot of it lately.

The sunny and gorgeous weather lately has propelled me to want to be outside a lot, so I've been doing that - taking drives to sit and walk in nature, going to the beach, and sitting by my mother's outdoor pool. It's been very healing for me and necessary.

Yes, it is terrible, isn't it? I told him I was uncomfortable with him hitting on me, so I told him to stop. He did. Hopefully he will continue to respect my boundaries.

Yes, I do have feelings for Jay, and they crept up again after seeing him. I've had to process this quite a bit. I feel emotionally compelled towards him, even though he is not available to me. I've been wondering if this is because of my childhood conditioning and relationship with my father, or whether it's simply because I find Jay attractive and because we enjoy the same passions, which was missing from my marriage, especially when it comes to outdoor activities. And, I want Jay to want me still, which distresses me. I am trying to figure out what this is all about within me.

But yes, at least we can be friendly and talk to each other easily, and be around each other comfortably.

I had SO much fun last night! Went to see a band by myself out of state about 45 minutes away. Ran into some people I know and a guy I had met once before. We started talking and hanging out again and we really hit it off. I felt a connection with him. He took me back to his home and we slept together. First one since Jay. It was nice! I am going to see him again next Tuesday when he is in my neck of the woods for work. I don't know him very well, but I thought he is super cute looking. Just my type. I am so glad I went!

It’s good you had fun. That’s awesome.

Be careful for it not to develop into the same thing as with Jay. It already starts with a premise for casual. Be careful with you starting to want more, but him being obvious from the get go that it’s going to be casual. You might feel you are ok with casual as you thought you were ok last time, but you weren’t ok and in a long run will not be ok with casual.

You wanted to go slow next time. It might be a better course of action to protect your heart. But just having fun is perfectly fine. Just thinking of ways to protect you from future suffering

I hope work search is going ok. As well as life coaching class.

Work search has come to a dead stop. I’m applying but no interviews in weeks. I’m getting nervous. My course is very good but slow going.

And thanks.. I think I’m bucketing this guy in the casual spot and won’t even think about actually dating him. I can be casual as long as I don’t keep hanging out with the person on a regular basis like I was with Jay. I’ll protect my heart.

I declined a hike today with 3 other women. I was all set to go and backed out the last minute. It's cloudy, cold, and drizzly rain, so the last thing I feel like doing in this weather is taking a 6 hour hike. I am partially regretting saying no because it was a great opportunity to meet new women & to potentially forge new friendships. I told the group leader to keep my fee and to let me know when the next hike will be. She leads these groups regularly.

I also feel a lot of pressure to dig much more into my projects today, to apply to new jobs, and to make more headway on my course. I am starting to feel the pressure of limited time. I am calling the unemployment office this morning to ask about the possibility of an extension. I now have 2.5 months of unemployment benefits left.

As far as I've read, there are major hiring freezes going on across the country, especially in tech. I have not had a single interview or reply to an application in weeks. Not even for freelance work. UGH.

Unemployment office says they only extend benefits during periods of high unemployment, per state. My state has a relatively low or normal unemployment rate. UGH!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that. It doesn't seem like you've been on unemployment that long. It lasts for 11 months here (45 weeks). Anyway, I hope you are able to find something soon because that is stressful. And hope you can find a roommate too in case you need to take something that doesn't pay as well as you'd like.

@Samicat, thanks so much. Right now, it's not looking good on either front. I haven't had any luck finding a suitable roommate either.

Canada gives you 11 months???? We only have 8 at the moment, and that's an extension from the normal 6 months.

So, I had one particular guy I was talking to on Facebook whom I thought was interesting.. we had had a good conversation a couple weeks back. Well, he saw me out Sat night kanoodling with a guy... anyways, he said to me over Facebook that he wasn't sure if it was me or not, but that the woman he saw he assumes must be full of herself because she is good looking, and that the kanoodling didn't seem my style. After I told him that it in fact WAS me, he turns around and tells me that we are on totally different planets, but doesn't explain himself. I asked, and he didn't reply. I posed the question again to him this morning, and he didn't reply. So I unfriended him.

I don't need this garbage in my life. Like I've stated before, I have no tolerance for people who do not reply.

OMG what a toxic Incel. Good for you for unfriending him. "Full of herself" because you are attractive and were having fun. Screw that. He should look in the mirror and see that he is deeply hostile to women like a lot of Incels. I wish they did have their own planet lol.

LOL.

Yeah, he was clearly just another jerk. Making all sorts of false assumptions about me. Screw that. He can go to hell.

Ok, so next this dude writes me back after I rejected him, telling me that his ex g'friend is better looking than me. I blocked him and posted his post on FB to let other women friends know what a creep he is. lol. A few females have spoken up saying he is creeping on them, too. WOW. I am no longer accepting friend requests from single males who are friends of my own friends.

"My ex-gf is better looking than you"

Translation: I'm mad that you rejected me. How dare you have standards!


lol

Lol, YES! That’s exactly it!!!

That guy rubbed me SO the wrong way that I have felt off balance all day as a result of our exchange and his nastiness. I couldn't shake it off today. It really got to me and it really bothered me. What is wrong with some people? I rejected him, so he had to lash out at me, and try to demean and insult me? What a sick man... boy I should say. It was really immature.