Husband is an annoying nag who repeats himself.

Ho can I get him to stop nagging & lecturing me? He repeats himself like a broken record to do things too. It’s extremely annoying!

And he’s very condescending too! I hate him. Does anyone ekse have this problem?

Ok, so you say you hate your husband and that he is condescending and also appears to be controlling. I don't know the history with your husband and haven't checked your past threads yet, but if you hate him, why don't you think about leaving him? I hated mine after a while, who was also controlling and condescending (and abusive) so I left him, we separated, and now we are divorced and I am beyond happy I made that decision. So, what is keeping you in the relationship at this point?

You hate him? Sadly, am sure there are other people who hate their spouses. Does he hate you too? Going by how he treats he likely doesn’t have warm and fuzzy feelings about you either. How sad that you two stuck in unhappy marriage.

Has he always been this way? Or just started recently? You can’t really change people. You can only change yourself.

Start to plan your exit unless you want to spend another 30 years hating him as he isn’t going to change. I understand you can’t leave today but if you start planning, you might be ready at some point.

Since you never work, you’ll be entitled to alimony until you get on your feet or maybe until SS age and you’ll get half of the cost of the house. So you will be able to start fresh.

Sounds like you married another version of your father.

Can we please focus on his nagging issue? Thanks.

You can’t change people. If he just occasionally nags, then you could have a discussion with him and ask to please stop and ask him to address issues without bagging, but if it’s ongoing issue, you can’t make him stop because that’s who he is. What you see is what you get

What’s he nagging about?

Just walk away is my advice. Tell him to stop it, you're not listening to his lectures OR nagging and walk away. Leave the room.

This sounds like his personality. Not sure you can do much to change that.

As angry or annoyed as I might have ever been at my husband, I never would have called it “hate.”

We had some serious issues, mainly around communication and boundaries, but we both were motivated to work on ourselves individually in therapy (and occasionally in couple’s sessions). We were able to figure out better boundaries and communication strategies that helped us tremendously.

It takes both partners in a marriage to be willing to work through their individual issues and marriage issues to reset the relationship to a healthier one. I haven’t gathered that either of you are really that motivated to do that kind of work.

Hate is a strong word. Perhaps there is much more going on here than nagging? If so, is remaining in such an unhealthy relationship worth it? Seems so damaging.

You're not responsible for his happiness, contentment or entertainment! Whatever he's unhappy about is HIS problem, not yours.


Is he idle? Needs a hobby? What is the nagging about? Is it discontentment with something that's being directed at you or just bitterness in general from something he can't control?


OFF TOPIC...or maybe not? idk how old your husband is, but could it be testosterone decline? That will make them naggy and grumpy like mine.

Unfortunately he nags often. That’s to bad. He nags about me butung ‘to much food’, using ‘to much toilet paper’ sometimes, cleaning, ‘spending to much money’, stuff like that.

That’s what I usually do.

That’s good that your husband & you were able to work in your issues in therapy. He refuses to go to therapy. He doesn’t trust doctors at all. He refuses to listen to anything that I say as he’s always right

His problem is that he has a type A alpha make personality. He has a gifh stress job & no real hobbies unless yoi count smoking, watching videos & the same movies over & over again, lol. He doesn’t hang out with friends usually as he’s very introverted

He’ll talk to his friends & family on the phone l, but that not see them that often. He doesn’t know how to deal with stress & negative emotions. He smokes & eats to much when he’s stressed out which is often.

What were you hoping to get from starting this thread?

The same thing as most people I guess, support & advice?

It sounds like the things he is nagging about show him to be overly thrifty with money. “Too much toilet paper” tells me it is his problem and not that you are truly being overly wasteful. Unless, maybe you are buying a crazy amount of toilet paper in bulk and hoarding it, I can’t see it is you.

You need to have honest communication with him. Discuss if you are buying too much or if he is being overly thrifty and controlling. There is really no right or wrong answer to this. It is just something you both need to agree on.

Tell him you don’t like his harping on you like this in a nagging, annoying way. If you feel you are buying the right amount, tell him that is what you are going to do. Draw a boundary. You don’t need to keep arguing about it. He can either accept it, just keep antagonizing you, or end the relationship. What do you think he would do if you asserted yourself like this?

You have mentioned a lot of issues with him. This nagging is just one small part of a much bigger problem it sounds like you have with him.

I’m not hoarding anything. He is definitely a control freak. He thinks that everyone should think & act like him. He is just a nit picky person who doesn’t know how to handke atress, so sometimes he takes things out on me which isn’t OK.

I tried to set boundaries with him. It doesn’t work, ugh. He refuses to kisten to me. I can’t just leave him. I’d end up homeless, literally. Maybe not right away, but eventually after finances run out.

You cannot leave him without risking homelessness. He will not change. He is a handful to say the least, but you cannot leave him. So it is a dead end. What otherwise would be reasonable words or support and advice would all lean towards "leave him", as people tried in the beginning of your thread, but you cannot because of financial dependency. There is nothing anyone can say that would make him into a different person.

Agreed. I think he sounds abusive, and abusers do not change. If leaving is not an option, the only other options are to gray rock him and to not let him get to you, as best as possible. Avoid lengthy conversations, and avoid him. What an awful situation to be in. I am sorry.

If your boundaries didn't work, you were probably doing them wrong

Boundaries aren't about making him understand or listen to you. They're not to make him respect you or stop nagging, or treat you differently.

One of the doctors I follow on YouTube defines boundaries as 'living into who you are. And defining for yourself what you will listen to/tolerate or not.' I like that definition of boundaries better than the idea of boundaries being something you enforce on another person. That doesn't work, so you just have to do your own thing.

I'm a bit like you in that I have limited resources and options, so have to bloom where I'm planted, at least for now.

If he nags that you're spending too much on food, and your gut tells you he's going to get on a rant, acknowledge it politely and unemotionally - "Okay, noted. I'll think about it." And then remove yourself to another area to do something else more constructive for yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could focus on? If you don't, it would be good to find some.

I always have a list of chores or projects that allow me to move to a different area and be busy in case I need to remove myself. Mine's go-to is stonewalling, so more often than not, it's going elsewhere to not be in his presence being actively ignored. Whether it's folding a load of laundry, working on a craft project, writing emails, scrubbing a shower surround, etc. Just refocusing your energy on something more productive sends a message to both your brain, and to him as well. It decentralizes his status in a way that's good for you.

Hope you get some peace.

Well put. I think I might have shared this quote here once before, but it is a very good statement about boundaries.

"The thing about having a boundary is not that you push and push and explain and explain until people say, 'I totally understand and respect that!' You just do what works for you and don’t debate it."