My Wife Prefers Weed

I have been married for 25 years and it looks like it may be coming to an end.

Now that weed is legal in Michigan, my wife thinks it's wonderful and loves her "gummies". I resent drugs because I know what addiction can do to a person / family but my wife insists she can handle it and will only do it on a "responsible" basis. Well, knowing my wife, I know she can't do it in moderation. She has overindulged more times than I care to remember which has led to more embarrassing situations than anyone should ever have to endure. The final straw was last night when she was obviously stoned after I came home and she told me she bought "gummies" hoping I wouldn't find out (after denying it at first). If you can't trust your spouse, who CAN you trust?

I was young and, yes, I smoked weed and drank with the best of them. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over 20 years and it has been longer than that since I smoked anything. Does that make me a better person? Probably not. Does it make me more responsible? Absolutely. I'm quite proud of my "goody-two-shoes" approach in life. I may not be the most exciting guy on the planet but I'll argue I'm one of the more responsible ones and for that I am grateful.

I will be talking to an attorney next week to see what I'm in for. I know the joke is divorce is expensive but so worth it. Well, I'm about to live it.

@Revenge Tour I am sorry you find yourself in opposite corners of your wife's opinions about self medicating with MJ. I do not believe long term use of intoxicants in place of medication is sustainable. There are studies that show depression is a possible side effect.

I wonder if rather than talk to an attorney, you might consider a therapist. I think there could be other difficulties in the relationship and this may be what put you over the edge. A professional can guide you better as an objective witness. A lawyer is not what I would choose for the first step.

If you have spent this long with someone, that is a big part of your life. Just to close the door and walk away could be very hurtful. I have experienced friends with similar situations and what they needed was to stop self medicating and get medication that is clinically proven to help. I do not know your situation but I also think leaving is a reaction rather than a response that is well thought out and considerate of what the person would do if you left.

From a practical standpoint, nowadays it is expensive for two people to live separately.

I agree that sobriety is the best policy, but I am also concerned about what my actions today will affect my self concept tomorrow. @CANDC

Going through therapy may or may not help you depending on the quality of therapist you end up with....not all therapists are created equal!!!!.

I went through therapy when I was having problems & it became obvious my then husband of 25+ years was a huge part of the problem. It was financial issues & him being an irresponsible immature person still at 54 years old.

I finally just walked out & moved 2100 miles away because he made the divorce process in the mental state I ended up in....IMPOSSIBLE. Finally got divorced 11 years later because of the financial messes he made.

Best thing I ever did was walk out because he was (& never did) going to change. Leaving was the only way I could have ever healed from all I had gone through & I did find a quality therapist in my new location which was a real blessing & I was no longer living with the problem 24/7.

Each situation is different & you need to do what you feel is the right thing. I initially thought that leaving would knock some sense into him & he would change since nothing else ever got through to him....it didn't & after 33 years of being married & living with him, I have never been happier than the day I left. Wishing you the best with this. I know the struggle but only you know what solution will work for you. You have to look out for your own mental wellness first. It is her responsibility to fix what is broken in her because no ine else can

I appreciate your feedback, CANDC. We had a wonderful day yesterday.. We went to a ball game and she had only one drink (no weed or gummies) and was a COMPLETELY different person. She was alert and didn't sleep / pass out on the way home and we were in the sun all day. Even more amazing than that, when we got home, WE took the dog for a walk (which is rare).

There's hope, I guess.

See my above response to CANDC. The last thing I want to do is call it quits and after my wife acted responsibly, I hope she sees how good life really is without putting junk in her body. Time will tell.

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Originally Posted by Revenge Tour See my above response to CANDC. The last thing I want to do is call it quits and after my wife acted responsibly, I hope she sees how good life really is without putting junk in her body. Time will tell.

Yes, time will tell. Hope this is your turning point. Know how many chances I gave mine hoping it would be a turning point too....without giving those chances you never know if change will happen or not so glad you are giving it a chance. Usually addiction doesn't change without professional help however so it might be worthwhile trying to find that help just in case

I am so glad that you had a better day with your wife. I would still recommend therapy though, maybe couples therapy, to help you two set boundaries around alcohol/weed.

It's totally reasonable that you do not want to do either, and it's totally reasonable that your wife enjoys these things. As a couple, for you to continue, there have to be agreements on what's acceptable and what's not. What can you tolerate and what can't you?

I wouldn't leave it to chance that she "sees how good life really is without putting junk in her body." If you two have different beliefs/values around drinking/recreational drug use, then the best way to stay together is have a clear understanding of boundaries. It seems you don't mind her having a drink, but you mind her being drunk. In terms of gummies, perhaps this is something she can do on a girl's night, but not around you. But it should be clear what you two agree on.

I hope it continues to work out for you.

Hey Revenge great to hear that your wife enjoyed her time with you without getting stoned. There’s hope. I’d sit down and have in depth meaningful conversation with her. I wonder if she could explain what’s in her opinion makes her want to escape reality on a daily basis.

Revenge, I do not know about marijuana, but with alcohol addiction there are now medications that can help. It is worth finding out about her pharmaceutical options.

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Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam Revenge, I do not know about marijuana, but with alcohol addiction there are now medications that can help. It is worth finding out about her pharmaceutical options.

& those medications have side effects that make people who need them not want to take them for long. From my personal observation of this unless changing is in your heart & desire a drug is just a bandaid to the REAL problem

That’s very true

Words of wisdom. Thanks, seesaw.

Thanks, divine. We have had a better past several days. She is a different person without any substances.

I'm actually talking to the doctor tomorrow about this so, yea, we'll see. Thanks, though.

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Originally Posted by Revenge Tour I appreciate your feedback, CANDC. We had a wonderful day yesterday.. We went to a ball game and she had only one drink (no weed or gummies) and was a COMPLETELY different person. She was alert and didn't sleep / pass out on the way home and we were in the sun all day. Even more amazing than that, when we got home, WE took the dog for a walk (which is rare). There's hope, I guess.

Revenge Tour,
I am so glad you had a good day. That indicates to me from a non-professional view that she still has the will to remain sober. That is a good starting point but as seesaw mentions couple's therapy may help set up and enforce boundaries.

My impression is this could be a mental health challenge on her end and so your acceptance of that might help the situation to be dealt with with patience and understanding and hopefully at some point she may be open to diagnosis and treatment. But that cannot be forced. I have seen that in friends. The couple's therapist may be able to guide that situation better than her husband. My experience is that the more I insist on things the more my friend rebels and digs their heels in and says "NO!"

I respectfully disagree. One such medication is Gabapentin, which alcoholics in remission now take for life. It is one of the most benign medications in terms of the side effects profile that many people on this forum take for other uses. It does not interact with other medications.

I have taken it for many years to ameliorate the EPS side effects of antipsychotics, with great success. As a side bonus, it has been shown to improve sleep architecture.

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Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam I respectfully disagree. One such medication is Gabapentin, which alcoholics in remission now take for life. It is one of the most benign medications in terms of the side effects profile that many people on this forum take for other uses. It does not interact with other medications. I have taken it for many years to ameliorate the EPS side effects of antipsychotics, with great success. As a side bonus, it has been shown to improve sleep architecture.

I will respectfully disagree with you.....based on the list of possible side effects to gabapentin given by the Mayo Clinic....this is hardly a list that belongs to a benign medication profile. My vet wouldn't even prescribe it long term for my dog because of the side effects.

Gabapentin (Oral Route) Side Effects - Mayo Clinic

I think with any drug, it’s important to ask if it’s being used as an escape.

What is recreational use? Having fun with drugs that cause chemical changes in the brain?

Gabapentin is known to create dependency. I am not sure if it’s better to be dependent on that rather than daily pot smoking. I’d let doctors decide.

I’d continue trying to focus on what she’s trying to escape. I had people telling me that they use substances because they like to have fun. Well it’s concerning if someone can’t have fun sober. I’d address it with a therapist or a doctor. And then some use it because they can’t cope. Maybe seeing a doctor/psychiatrist and a therapist is the first step.

I mean occasional use of something is one thing, but having to be intoxicated daily isn’t that simple. Time to get to the bottom of the issue and look into it seriously, if the person is willing to