Mum losing patience

Mum is losing her patience I got a candle today and I was opening it excitedly I accidentally dropped it getting some glass on the floor, I pick up most of the glass shards but because it wasn't perfect mum is yelling at me. Now, I'm my head it's not that big a deal because it's easy to clean but also i burnt some of the candle and because it was broken some of it spilled into the table. My losing her head over it screaming yelling at me. I try cleaning it but it's not done to her standard okay. She's like your 27 and a 9 year old knows how to do better than you, you don't even know how to do things that are common sense I guess. So she gets a hairdryer and then the wax melts off. It's getting close to 6pm I'm getting hungry I get Nando's from the fridge and she tells me not to touch the food until she does it okay. So I proceed to try and put the Nando's in the fridge I drop it on the floor accidentally but luckily no chicken falls on the ground she starts yelling at me and swearing at me. Saying I cause her problems because of my stomach. She says she resents having me and one day I'm going to have children that's gonna do the torture that you do to me. I ask her to stop. Now we're eating but she says that if she was cruel she'd kick me out and wouldn't feed me. In my opinion I don't think that's cruel I wish I already could have my own house and work. Now the funny thing is now she's yelling at me saying I'm manipulative because apparently I can study but I can't do anything around the house I don't know how to do things that are common sense. If I ask her to show me how to do something she just yells at me says it's common sense and then says I'll do it. She doesn't even like the way I clean dishes. Just feeling kinda stupid and yes I feel like I can't even do basic tasks in the home. My confusion is that she thinks I'm manipulating her. I don't understand how that could be because for 5 years straight I had to be kicked out of my Tafe because I couldn't even concentrate and she's saying I'm manipulating her so she does everything for me and so she's a slave. Like it some what benefits me to live on centrelink not have a social life not even know how to take care of my own house or have any independence hmm. I don't understand how I am manipulating her because I'm honestly sick of her running around me cleaning everything I do. Telling me what clothes to wear and when because it makes me feel like a child I don't feel like I have much of an identity because of that. When I say the counsellor is right that I am enmeshed to my mother now I understand exactly what I mean because I don't have any independence I'm pretty much like a little baby having booby and it's like. How do I become independent when she won't even like me try I get that I'm annoying but she just yells at me and when I do something not to her high standard of perfection it's like you might not even try. Honestly I just wish I had my own house and then she wouldn't have to yell at me and then she wouldn't have to worry about it being messy.

Are there any disability vocational services near you where you can get some training and get help on finding some basic job? There is no reason why you can’t have some type of employment.

What’s your source of income if you don’t work. Are you on government assistance/disability? You said you are studying. What are you studying? It does seem to take awfully long

You shouldn’t burn broken candle. If glass broke, you could use wax in wax warmer if you have one. Otherwise pitch it. Wax will sip through broken glass.

Your mom is out of control with yelling and swearing. I am sorry you deal with it. Faster you get some type of training and a job faster you could maybe live with rooomates rather than mom

Just on jobseeker payments ATM I'm trying to apply for disability payments but they make it complicated I have to get all the documentation of doctors saying that I have mental illness and that might take time. I'm going to get TMS treatment soon

I would make it my job to collect the needed documents and also investigate programs that may offer a sheltered living situation, like a group home or similar, so you can move out.

Your mother will not live forever, so it's important if you're almost 30 to start living independently now, so she doesn't have to worry about what will happen when her life is over.

A group home situation will teach you life skills like cooking and cleaning, that you can use to perhaps graduate to a supervised independent living situation.

I know how to cook. I just know for me to live in an independent group home would require me to get ndis and in Australia that's a process I have to prove that I have the problems that would require me to go into those kind of homes that your describing that's why I'm trying to apply for ndis again

Your doctor said you have mental illness but did he explain that you are unable to get employment? People with disabilities hold jobs all the time, at least part time. Is your doctor believe you cannot work at all?

Your post said that after the candle was broken you picked up “most” of the shards. Your mother not so gently was pointing out that “most” isn’t going to work with broken glass. Unless everybody intends to take a trip to a hospital. You perceive your mother as wanting you to be perfect, but what she’s asking is for 100% of the glass cleaned up for safety. You may know how to cook but it doesn’t sound like you’re safe on your own.

If you don’t qualify for disability, you’re going to need to find work. I don’t think you’re going to have the luxury of finding the perfect career or getting more education. Either disability with services so you can move or a job ( probably low paying) with perhaps vocational services looks to be in your future. Either way the plan needs to be you moving as soon as you can because it sounds like your mother is at her limit. I’m not sure why the next step for you as an adult hasn’t been taken before now, but it needs to be taken.

The doctor has focused on trying to get me treatment for my PTSD and has referred me to TMS that I will be going to soon. I know what my mum said was reasonable. I just kind of confuses me how studying I'm alright but home skills hmm I dunno I just feel like the focus should be more on treating my illness. Believe it or not I was actually a normal child that was capable of cleaning things until I started getting traumatized. The doctor doesn't view me as entirely disability but instead says that my mother needs to let me try and do courses. Even when my mother explains that I have mental problems to what was my disability employment services they just thought my mum was insulting me and just saying that I can't do things. So really the whole government and people have been against my mum and basically thought she was just putting labels on me. So really it's about getting all the documentation proving I have PTSD and add because from what has been my history nobody seemed to believe my mother.

Also I'm not nearly thirty I'm 26 years old..also with the moving out that's a cultural thing that in Portuguese culture they don't just throw out there daughter or sons when there 18 but want them to be married before that. So it's very usual for people to still live with their parents at 30 and 40 years old. It's just a cultural thing you forget that I am an immigrant from Portugal with two Portuguese parents so me being moved out by 18 is not traditional at all. It doesn't mean it's bad or a lazy way of parenting that's just how Portuguese parenting works. Also my mother wouldn't want me to move out anyway so there's that need to stay there but people don't understand that it's a cultural thing that why I haven't thought of moving out until now. Again it's purely cultural my family is of different culture so the family dynamic is very different. These kids moving out at 18 ready or not is an Australian and American way of parenting but you forget that I may live in Australia but have a different background. That's just how they parent and doesn't mean it's bad or wrong. Just that it's tradition. So really she's not going to let me move out until I prove to her I have those skills.

It’s not wrong to live with parents at any age. It’s perfectly fine in many cultures.

I think the concern is that you have no income and don’t try to obtain employment either through vocational disability services or on your own. You keep mentioning taking courses. What courses are they? If you constantly take courses, by now you’d have several degrees. Are you in school? For what? Are these courses leading to some trade you could have? At some point you went to school to be a florist. Whatever happened to that?

As about moving out, if you are mistreated at home by your parents (as you often mentioned here) and have no independence skills, people suggest that maybe there are other living arrangements that are better for you.

I had to get out of floristry because it was risk for me that was two years ago and I mentioned it here. My mother isn't abusing me she just yells that's not abuse. It just that it's frustrating. I did other courses in that time and who said I didn't try to get disability payments at this point your going off assumptions and have no idea what your saying. I studied but they want people that have experience in what they do you should know that since you work. I got work experience at the hospital but still that doesn't mean that guarantees me a job at the hospital. I applied for that job and didn't get it. So I keep on applying and keep on studying. Never said my mother abused me. She just yells. So I don't understand how you could interpret it that way. I am on payments but kindly stop commenting because you don't know what your talking about and your offending me with your assumptions

I never said anything about abuse, not sure what you are referring to.

We only go by what you post. Since you complain about your situation, people make suggestions on how to improve.

If you don’t have any difficulties, don’t need improvement and things are going well, then it’s all good and I am happy for you.

The only thing that upsets me is that I impact my mother that's it with not being able to concentrate. That's the only thing that upsets me the other thing my sister saying that I won't be able to work and I'll need her care when mum passed away has made my anxiety crazy. Other than that it's not my relationship with my mum that makes me upset it makes me upset that I'm not mentally concentrating.

So really the way I talk about complaining about mum is I know deep down she wouldn't be so stressed if I didn't need the support from her. The government not understanding and continuing to force me to study because well I need to prove that I need extra help. In this country I think the average person tries 3 times before they get the support

I am a person who has “inherited” a sibling who cannot support himself but isn’t quite disabled after my mother passed away. It’s not fun. That’s why I suggested that the more effort you put into getting disability or finding work, the better.

Okay I understand I keep trying for disability my sister had to try to get it three times. She has bipolar it's quite sad I feel she has it even worse than me because she can't even sleep without heaps of medication. It takes a few times to try and get it in the system. I'm so sorry you have problems with your brother I can sympathize that's hard. It's also very hard to see it when you know they suffer. Hugs I deeply sympathize with that