In-laws

I've just discovered something new about my mother in law...she lies. blatantly! I always thought she was an unpleasant person, but for other reasons. But I've just discovered that she'll say anything she feels like saying.

She was telling me that she made a dish by mixing two types of canned soup. The ladies raved how good it was and one asked for the recipe. She told her she didn't have the recipe with her. "Later I had to "fess up" that it wasn't from a recipe.

That was curious, but no big deal, just her thing. Then I became aware that she was answering questions that she couldn't know the answer to, and she was giving the wrong answers as though she was an expert.

I don't know if the magnitude of this comes across. I knew my husband lies, but the counselor said it was because he was an only child and the only way he could get some space from his mother.

I can't tell you what a load off this is. Because I always felt a little guilty when they'd make me feel bad about myself.

Part 2 if you're interested: I accidentally spilled my root beer. Most of it went on the table, but some on the rug. I ran to wipe it up. I blotted it and wiped it with water to clean it. My husband was out of the room when I heard my father in law say to his wife, "When did your brother get here?"

Her brother is dead. And she hates him. And he was an alcoholic. So I can only guess what he meant. And she wouldn't make eye contact with me, so I knew she was pissed at me.

For some reason, I decided I didn't deserve to feel guilty for an accident. I'd apologized and I'd restored the damage. I chose not to feel guilty. Do you know how unusual that is for me? I always feel guilty. But this time I decided that they were being unreasonable and I felt sorry for my husband that he grew up never being allowed to make a mistake.

His mother likes to tell the story of how she gave him a camera when he was a little boy and he took pictures of stupid things, so she never gave him any film.

These are horrible, awful people. But my husband loves them, so I can't say anything negative about them at all. To him. So, I'm telling you. Isn't it delicious?

doh - im sorry you have to deal with that. thats pretty rediculous. id be more curious as to why she does that? maybe she has to feel like an expert so she makes things up even though theyre wrong?

you know... my boyfriend does that.... not as often though. ill ask him a question and hell say something random. then like 6 months later ill mention it and hell go "where the hell did you hear that?" and i say "you told me that!" and he goes "oh yeah.... i just say stuff sometimes." i wonder what that is......

does he put them up on a pedastal? does that make me a bad person that i do say things to my boyfriend? his dad is a cheapskate. he is the kind that gets pissy at a restaurant when his food is wrong and gets extremely rude with waiters etc... and sometimes i just cant take it anymore. so i just say "what the hell is wrong with your dad?! why does he feel that since he has money he has to be an ***!" because he is one of those where he thinks that now, since he has money, he has to do the whole country club deal. what gets into those kinda people?! maybe my "in-laws" and yours should get together and have a "we suck" party.

Too, he lived with them all those years so has learned their ways and think of them as if they're "normal". I still remember the hard time I had always walking too fast for my friends or new acquaintances only to realize it was because my stepmother and brothers always walked fast (and I was always struggling to keep up, walked too slow). We get in other situations and it's heck for us but if everyone stays the same we never learn about differences. You came from outside so you can see them for what they are.

Good for you not over-apologizing for spilling your drink. I think if I'd overheard my father-in-law say that I would have spoken up quite loudly and told him the time I arrived :-) I would have let him squirm a bit internally.

I'm very sorry that you husband was raised in that environment. It does explain his honesty problem. I don't care for my in-laws, but yours are down right rude. I'm so sorry. I'm with Perna, if he ever does anything like that again, call him on it, you can tell anyone you want to kiss your *** with a smile on your face. Can you help it if they're sensitive?

Salukigirl, I think we have the same inlaws.

Perna and AAAAA, I was thinking later I could have said, "Hey, I can hear you!" Unfortunately, I thought that up too late. I guess it takes me a while to know what I heard. I think it's a survival technique that doesn't work anymore?

Also, I learned from Adult Children of Alcoholics that "we lie when it's just as easy to tell the truth." What's a bummer is that my mother really yelled at me about telling the truth when I was a wee one, so I actually had to learn to lie as an adult. But I do it very reservedly.

I really want to ask my mother in law what morals she was raised with, because she sure doesn't seem to have any. It's really sick and I'm glad they live so far away and we only have to see them a couple times a year.

Doh,

Honey, you have to come up with a very sarcastic cutting statement that is above reproach.

All kidding aside, my in laws are asses. Sometimes it seems that my father in law goes out of his way to hurt my daughter. After 18 years of heartache I told you're just going to have to either accept them as they are or move on. Not a word you say will make a difference. I suspect the same is true for your in laws. And I'm very sorry about that.

Ohmygosh! Don't get me started on how they hurt my son.

They aren't all bad, but who wants to talk about the nicer stuff. For example, mother in law took me to a local beauty school for a facial and manicure. That was really cool and I'm grateful and everything, but...... Heh. I was chatting with my girl. She was young and I knew she'd have fun talking about herself. So, in return, she was really nice to me. My m in law said that I'd gotten the "good one." and she wasn't pleased with her girl. And we got home and my father in law said he'd heard that we weren't happy with our service.

wow. thats pretty crazy. maybe we do have the same in-laws! lol.

his mom isn't bad. its his dad. but his dad is so horrible, that his mom changes her personality around him. she jokes around with me and everything but when hes there its like she is to be seen and not heard. totally old school morals and now their grandchild is growing up saying things like "women do all the cooking and cleaning". and he does nothing. hell be saying something and shell be cooking. he thinks she isnt listening, gets pissed, slams something down and storms out of the room. hes just a straight up jackass i think. what is it with in-laws?

I guess that once they consider us part of the family they don't have to be nice or polite anymore?

My husband wasn't divorced yet the first time I met his father in person and his father was trying to figure out what to call me. He decided on "friend-in-law". I wish I had met my husband's mother before she died. She called my husband a couple days before she died to tell him she was dying (he is eldest of 4 boys) and to ask him to tell his brothers. It was another deciding blow for my husband being stuck with me :-) if his mother called only him to trust him with her dying. They were joking on the phone with each other, remembering happier times, the rest of the call while tears are streaming down my face. I'd never heard such a warm and loving conversation in my life. My husband and his parents passed in flying colors as to how they treated women, wives, daughter-in-laws, etc.

i dont know if they consider me "part of the family" were talking about getting married. dont know if we even have enough money to do so though. we kinda figure, if were going to be together no matter what, we might as well reap the benefits of actually being married y'know? not very romantic, but neither am i lol. so i think they already consider me part of the family. his mom is nice but his dad i think just feels threatened by a strong, independent woman who doesnt do anything and everything for my boyfriend. he questions everything i do (and everything my boyfriend does). nothing is ever good enough for him. he treats jay (my boyfriend) like he is 5 years old. he changed his major (going back for a 2nd bachelors) for like the 3rd time. i told him thats fine, he needs to figure out what he loves. i dont want him graduating again with another degree he doesnt like. but his dad just asks "well why dont you do this, why didnt you do this" and eventually i told jay "you have to stand up to him!" and he did i guess. his dad has let up a little bit but for the most part, he is very controlling and even more stubborn. sorry for the long post lol

You are truly blessed. Your husband sounds like a hero. My mother always regretted that she never got to meet my father's mother. She died when he was 23, a couple of years before they met.

Yes, I decided again tonight that I'm keeping my husband :-) I was out at the Mall shopping with friends and found and bought a coat I like. I called my husband on my cell phone to thank him for his Valentine's gift and his response was, "Consider yourself hugged."

My in-laws passed away over 20 years ago. They never much cared for me...too dark, not educated enough, didn't make any money, (although I was always employed) and any other thing they could find wrong. My inlaws used to send my prospective wife up to the store because they knew a guy she used to date worked there and he was all they wanted in a son-in-law. They even told me to my face they didn't like me. I was never disrespectful to them and usually stayed out of their way.

One day I decided to break up with my future wife and told her so. Through tears she asked me why. I told her well, your mother dosen't like me. My now wife told me I don't care if she likes you or not, I love you. That was over 35 years ago. The in-laws never did like me much but, I never showed any disrespect toward them ever.

as for spilling things.....I never yelled at the kids for it and I was never yelled at for it when I was a kid. Accidents happen.

the only bad thing against my Mother-in-Law is that she always, ALWAYS, protected me when hubby and I had a disagreement of any sort, yeah in-laws are a pain sometimes but remember we become in-laws ourselves