Would it be inappropriate or weird to ask new acquaintances to initiate contact?

I’m an oversharer, too. I know, one time, I definitely scared off a new friend with TMI. This is something I need to work on.

I’m not sure where the line is for sharing and over sharing.

When we are getting to know new friends, we feel each other out about what works. For example, if they use foul language, then you know that it is okay for you to do the same. Or maybe you are offended by that and don’t want to be their friend because they do.

The time I’m thinking of for myself was when I was going through a trauma, something that was happening in my family. I went to lunch with a woman who was trying to be my friend. Our kids went to school together. I let out to her the whole crazy story. It came out of me like blaaaaahhhhh. No, she never called me again and I’m not surprised. I regret doing that but I was just so in panic mode, I couldn’t help it. I shouldn’t have done that. She was supportive in the moment, but I’m sure she was mortified.

I’ve already told very personal things to my new friend and she has also told me the same about herself. I am too much of an open book. I know this isn’t really right of me and it’s probably going to backfire on me somehow. I am trying to be better. She reacted happy to hear it and share about herself as well. So idk what oversharing really is. I mean, I want to be myself.

You shouldn’t have to hold back and censor yourself. Maybe someone else can give pointers about what is proper to share and what shouldn’t be.

Don’t give up on people. They are far from ideal, but it’s nice to spend time with others.

There was nothing wrong with what Bill said. I just thought the part where he said “I would really like that” felt a bit needy. I feel coming across as needy is really off-putting to people, and would avoid it. You want to seem secure, reliable, open… traits like that.

You don’t have to let others use you as a therapist. When they start going on for too long about their woes, you can change the subject to something more positive.

If someone keeps flaking on you, yes, you should take it as a hint they don’t want to see you. Yes, it is rude for them to encourage you and then let you down. Sometimes it’s hard for people to be honest. It’s easier to lie and then disappoint.

It won’t do you any good to tell her off. If you just leave her be, maybe she will reach out to you in the future. Why burn a bridge?

Thanks everyone, but I’m so upset now that I started crying & I haven’t cried about much in a long time. Honestly, I’m done with with being lied to, used, abused, manipulated, & taken for granted, etc.

It’s beyond ridiculous! Sure, I’ve made obvious mistakes but it’s not like I always overshare.

Like I said, it’s often other people who dump their problems & drama onto me & not even care about how I’m doing at all. So rude!

I’ve had it with everyone! Eff everyone from now on! I will actually tell people to their face next time to talk to a therapist & that they are being rude & selfish for not even asking me anything about myself, lol 😆

With some people I’ll just ignore them & not even bother asking them questions & rudely change the subject, lol 😆

They deserve to know what jerks they are! I’m officially done with trying anymore! I give up!

You asked what I’d do. If I always initiated and they never did and always had reasons to not see me, I’d stop initiating. I am not saying I’d be dramatic and confront them or block and delete. I’d just stop initiating. I am not saying my opinion is right. I just see no point in telling random people that I want this or that from them. Things are the way they are. If people don’t contact me, I can’t make them.

My bad about being kicked out from a bar. It wasn’t a friend but a chiropractor. I just see “shock value” sharing on your part and it made he wonder why you share that kind of stuff with strangers. But again I might be wrong about the whole thing .

Hi Jesyka, I know you're upset and wanting to give up on people. I hate it when someone rudely changes the subject. And then they say ''bye'' and put the phone down. But I still try to be civil.... It's not as if I don't have the ''skills'' to be rude and mean back, that is easy, anyone can be rude and mean. It takes strength to remain kind when interacting with ''idiots'' with appalling manners.

Sometimes someone needs to be told off, sure...

What about the people here who have been trying to help you? I don't see anyone using you as a free therapist here? Some people have put in a lot of effort trying to support you. (some threads don't receive many replies here.....) Why do you think there are only jerks in ''real'' life? I hope your luck changes. You've had a lot of people posting saying they are rooting for you!

@jesyka how are you doing today?

I really understand about the whole under/over sharing confusion. My gut feeling is every friendship is different. There’s no hard and fast rules.

I’m so sorry it’s feeling so hard right now, what comes across to me in your posts is how hard you’ve been trying and thinking about your actions. It’s okay to take a break (from developing friendships or posting here) but I hope you’re practicing good self care and nurturing yourself. Sometimes retreating a while can give us the space we need to move forward.

We’re here for you if you need us.

I think I've done this too, sometimes I over share.

Maybe if your new friend asked you a question that brought back some memories or something, then over sharing is ''normal''. It's probably not wise to be too guarded, or it's unlikely we'll connect with many people. idk though, I'm still working on it. I don't really have any answers

Hey @jesyka I'm glad to read that you heard back from both of those women. I tend to be on the cynical side when it comes to people, so I'm glad that I was wrong about their intentions towards you regarding friendship.

There is nothing wrong with over-sharing. We over-share when we feel vulnerable and need social support. Everyone, and I mean everyone overshares. No one is exempt from that act. It's human nature.

I hope things workout for you with these two women.

Hey @jesyka I'm glad to read that you heard back from both of those women. I tend to be on the cynical side when it comes to people, so I'm glad that I was wrong about their intentions towards you regarding friendship.

There is nothing wrong with over-sharing. We over-share when we feel vulnerable and need social support. Everyone, and I mean everyone overshares. No one is exempt from that act. It's human nature.

I hope things workout for you with these two women.