wife said shes divorcing me

counseling went well today. we are starting to dig into my codependency and unhealed child hood wounds of abandonment. before i met my wife i took 6 years off from dating to work on my boundaries and confidence. my daughters mom who is either a narcissist or sociopath really did a number on me. so after that i decided to work on myself which lasted 6 yrs. i ended up with really good boundaries and regained self confidence. i got on a dating site and the first person i choose was my wife. she was very different in the beginning and i saw no red flags. after a year they started to appear but i let them slide because i thought it was her clinical depression. i think i allowed my boundaries to slide because my core wounds were never dealt with. i eventually lost most of my self confidence especially after i became disabled. i felt like i let my family down by not being able to provide as well as i was before. i talked it out today with my councilor today that becoming disabled wasnt my fault and i was still bringing in money and i had a plan in action to take online courses in computers. i was in limbo with not knowing if i should stay on disability while applying for social security. i wasnt happy with the thought of being on disability for the rest of my life. my wife knew how depressed and unhappy my situation was with staying on disability.

my long term disability compony offered free resources for online courses. i started taking the courses at the end of last year. we were struggling last december with finances and i was stressing about how we were going to give the kids a decent Christmas. i told my wife i was going to put my online courses on hold untill the first week of January because i couldnt concentrate with the stress about money and i didnt want to fail the course. this was one of the reasons my wife gave me for the divorce. she said i wasnt being serious about taking the courses to help us get out of debt. my councilor said that was just a excuse because i still had a plan of action and the courses weren't going to provide a job immediately.

another puzzling thing is last week my wife brought the divorce papers home but never gave them to me and took them back to work. she didnt know i saw them.

How is your mother? Where is she living? You mentioned she is the only family you have left. What was your relationship with her like? You don’t have siblings?

she is 88 and lives in a 1 bedroom low income housing for the elderly. we have a good relationship but she is in no position to help me besides emotional support. i have siblings but my brother is a drug addict floating around. my sisters dont want to get involved in helping me.

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my sisters dont want to get involved in helping me.

Is that because they don't want to enable your codependency tendencies? Good reason to work hard at learning to control & change that in therapy as it is something that can chase people away from wanting to help. It is not just a "marriage" issue

my sisters are loaded with their own issues. my family is not close and very cold towards each other. my dad did a number on all of us.

so my wife gave me the papers to sign tonight. she wanted me to sign them without filling out division of property. she expects me to just trust her. im not stupid so of course im not. ive got a consultation tomorrow with a lawyer. i will be getting advice from him. my wife got extremely agitated that im going to see a lawyer. she says its not a complicated divorce so i shouldn't need to talk to a lawyer. Im just worried about her retaliating by changing the locks. meanwhile shes going out on a date tomorrow night. i have a codependency meeting tomorrow night so her kids 12 and 16 will be home alone. not that big of a deal but she has this weekend free she could have scheduled her date then since according to her she wants to be alone and spend time with her kids.

Very wise of you. Sounds like she has nefarious motives and plans. You live there she can’t lock you out as that is your residence.

Glad you are choosing to get your own legal advice.

my wife and i went over our taxes tonight. my disability check doesnt have taxes taken out so to offset that we were taken extra out of my wifes check every week during last year. we got back some on federal but we owed 250$ state tax. she said that its fair that we split the federal 60/40 me getting 40. and i have to pay the state tax. does this sound fair?

No, marriage is 50/50. You split the refund in half and you both pay half the state tax. If she wants to be pissy about it she should pay all the state tax since she’s the reason you had to pay and your disability entitled you both to a bigger refund so it should be 60 to you 40 to her! Geez

well it looks like divorce is going to proceed. i have moved everything bills and such to my account. the only thing left to do is sign the papers which im doing tomorrow. we are waiting for our taxes to come back so i will be moving out by april 1st. and then it will be no contact for a while other then to get the kids together for a day at the park or movie or something. she already has someone shes talking to so i guess thats it. part of me says good riddance to someone that has treated me this way but i was really hoping to save the marriage. fools hope i think

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Originally Posted by aphexx13 my wife and i went over our taxes tonight. my disability check doesnt have taxes taken out so to offset that we were taken extra out of my wifes check every week during last year. we got back some on federal but we owed 250$ state tax. she said that its fair that we split the federal 60/40 me getting 40. and i have to pay the state tax. does this sound fair?

Would have to know the actual numbers to know if actually fair & that is none of my business.

My concept would be total withholding vs taxes owed....fed return would go for what is owed to state & anything owed more on the state would be divided into both owing equal. Household taxes are both of you equally divided IMO

You don’t have kids together. I’d not be getting together with the kids. It only prolongs the pain and also would keep you codependent and attached to your ex.

looking for some advice. Im moving out april 1st and i was going over my budget i basically have like 500$ to pay for rent groceries and gas after i pay all my bills. im looking for a room to rent. i have a car accident settlement coming up in about 2 months. i could get back enough to pay off all my credit card bills, my car. that would free up about 500$. because of my disability i cant do my primary job so im starting over. i need to either find some kind of training or courses for a new career. jobs ive been looking at that i could take online courses would take about 2 yrs. i need something soon to get off of disability so i can make more then 2218$ a month. any advice would be helpful. my stbxw really screwed me by divorcing me in the middle of this transition while im disabled and starting over in a new job field.

Usually debt & assets are divided equitably in divorce unless the credit cards are only in your name.

Divorce is done because there is a problem with the marriage & it is usually bith sides that contribute to the problem. If online courses take 2 years for you to get a new career I am sure her reason for a divorce woukd not want to wait that long just to accomodate you & who was going to pay for that training?

We have to do what we have to do to pay off debt & start over after divorce. Maybe you can get some help through your disability to get training. Just make sure any training you actually pay for will actually have the results of landing a new career & not just wasting more money & get you deeper in debt