I never had real loving parents. Can anyone relate to this?

Both of my parents are extremely self absorbed & selfish. My dad is actually a narcissist. My mom only cares about my psycho younger unmedicated bipolar sister.

She pays for all of her stuff like food, gas, clothes, makeup, and more She doesn’t even bother paying for coffee as all her money goes to partying with her friends in Vegas or herself in some way. She’s almost 50 & she lives at home still. She doesn’t pay any tent despite having a job.

She works but she doesn’t earn enough to afford her own place. She has lived at home most of her life. She has used & abused ex boyfriends.

She has a history of committing crime. She has one DUI, one assault charge to where she ended up in jail overnight, one identity thefr crime ( wasn’t convicted, her ex husband did the dirty work & she pretended to not know anything about it), shoplifting, too.

Despite all of that & despite actually having physically assaulting me years ago, she is treated like she can do no wrong. My dad even paid for a leased luxury car for her every year.

She is very manipulative & fake. She tells them what they need & want to hear usually. Especially my mom. They both have huge egos & a constant need for attention & validation, so that is why they do everything for her & nothing for me.

They are proud of her for being successful’ ( For doing covention work tgat they enjoy bragging about to everyone) & outgoing. despite being a user career criminal who has been known to lie about 3 ex boyfriends assaulting her. Three is to many. Hiw nad couk her luck be? lol.

My dad refused to even lend my husband & I money to get health insurance or to help save us from bring evicted. We still owe the IRS a lot of money.

He told me that he didn’t have the money as it went to taxes & that he can only afford to help one daughter at a time. Also he said that since I’m married, I don’t need his help Wth?

Obviously they don’t care about me. I was banned from coming over to my parents house back in 2016 after the psycho decided that she can no longer deceive me & take advantage of me, so she decided to ban me from the house.

She was always very jealous of me. She looked down on me most of my life & would call me names like dork. She pretended to be fake nice a lot whenever she wanted a ride when she was younger or for me to buy her something.

They are all scum, My dad would demand that we let them visit us whenever they felt like in the past. He’d screwm ar me & accuse me of not wanting to see them when I said no. They have no life & hardly any friends. My mom hads no friends.

He was so rude & disrespectful that he once brought over two unruly hyper dogs ended up chasing our cats. I was livid. He was to cheap to put them in a kennel.

My husband didn’t want to stand up to them, so I had to threaten to let the dogs out if they ever did this again. I said they needed to stay in the backyard or they’d need to leave,

So they reluctantly agreed to things. My cats could’ve been killed or hurt!

I banned them from my house a year ago finally. My husband pressed me to get along with them.. He rudely let them come over often too w/o my consent up until I put my foot dowm & said that he needs my consent before inviting them over.

My mom was always a lost cause. She is the biggest nag. They both infantilize me. They both except me to act like an adult but still react to them like I’m still a sweet obedient clueless 5 year old who worships them, ugh!

So weird! They both expect me to always agree with them & they get upset when I end up having a different opinion on anything. My dad once even lied about treating me to dinner if I voted for the person he wanted me to vote for.

My mom has sime extreme paranoid delusional disorder. She thinks the neighbors are always spying on her. She’ll look put the window & claim that they’re spying on her, lol. She is obsessed with other peoples business, lol.

She used to yell at store clerks in the past because she thought they were laughing at her accent.

Also, she’d tell other sales clerks that I’m fat & that I needed to loose weight at 5’4 & 115 pounds . I ended up with low self esteem & years later, bullimia. I was constantly on a diet back then.

She never loved me. She criticized me all the time & asked me why can’t I look or act like this petson? Everyone was always, better, prettier, smarter, more successful & more likeable than I was.

She never listened to me. She’d interrupt me all the time. She constantly talked about her problems with my dad to me & strangers.all the time.

She would also bring up old dates & how men used to wait for hours in the car for her which was inappropriate. She was so inappropriate that she even asked to see my breasts after I got implants put in. She wasn’t joking about that. I said no of course.

My dad would constantly yell at us in public. He’d especially yell at my retarded morher often.

She acts & talks like a young mentally challenged child often. She has her mouth open a lot & she lolks ridiculous. I’m not sure if she is mentally challenged or not, but she sure looks & acts like she is.

My dad on the other hand is supposedly a mensa genius but he acts & looks mentally challenged too.

He often wears dirty bedroom slippers in public along with a stained or rippef sbirt. My mom isn’t as bad, but she doesn’t cut her nails or comb her hair.

They only talk about themselves most of the time. I rarely get asked how I’m doing. If I go on a trip, I’m never asked for pics or how my trip was.

It’s all about them. They lie & said they loved me in the oast, but that was just because they femt like they had to say that, They don’t mean it.

They certainly don’t show it. My dad has a sick obsession with dead ancestors & family members too. He cates about dead people more than the ones who are still here. He is extremely obsessed with how I was as a baby & the past too. I never heard the end of my baby or toddler stories.

My dad tried to boss me around & tell my husband & I how to think, act & what to spend our money on. It’s infuriating!

My mom has no respect for boundaries as I’d tell her to not talk to my husband about my grandma again & yet she’d tell the same petty story agsin & again. My husband enabled her by being to polite to not excuse himself. He was taught to have respect for his elders, even the insane ones.

They never even wished me a Happy Birthday or A Merry Christmas for the last two years. Growing uo, we never got presents as they were cheap & selfush.

I truly despise everyone in my family. I mever once felt loved, appreciated or accepted. I was constantly bullied, disrespected, ignored, dismissed, & gaslighted.

They all knew that I had issues with anxiety & depression but they said it was all in my head. Even when I tried to commit suicide as a teenager, they still didn’t get help for me,

That’s how cluesless & selfish they are. I can’t wait until they all die. Especially my dad.

Thankfully they have finally stopped harassing me with calls, emails & demanding to come visit me all the time. I told them all what I think of them a few uears ago & how crazy, nasty & selfish they all atre.

I crushed their fragile ego to dust, lol. Can anyone else relate to this?

It would’ve made things easier fir me to have had ar keast one sane parent or sibling. I was bullied at school since 11 on top of that too.

No wonder I’m so messed up!

Why do they love my sister & not me? I tried to be nice, I tried to get along with them most of the time & I was constantly criticized & mistreated still.

I do not have time to read the long post, sorry, but I am amazed by its title. "I never had real loving parents. Can anyone relate to this?"

Didn't you notice that a majority of people on the board can relate to not having been parented well?? Do you read a lot of other posters' stories?

Yes, I do. I don’t always know what to say to people. I try to respond to people who I feel like I can relate to. If I can give advice or comfort, I do.

I have noticed that a lot of people post long posts on here too, so I don’t understand why mine isn’t worth reading.

My parents are not unloving but surely are very dysfunctional. And they aren’t healthy people in regards to communication etc. But I am not sure if you should judge your sister for being dependent as you are one yourself. What is “covention work” your parents are proud of? Is she diagnosed with bipolar disorder or you think she is?

Hi Jesyka I know I’ve recommended this book before to you but in case you need a reminder I really do think you’d benefit from “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal
from Distant, Rejecting or Self Involved Parents” by Lindsay C Gibson. Anyhow there may be others reading this who would benefit from also reading this book. It’s available from libraries and also included on Spotify premium at the moment.

Importantly this book gives guidance with how to handle such parents, both the legacy they’ve left you with and in the present moment. To paraphrase, broadly speaking the aim is to observe them but not become enmeshed in any behaviour they’ve tried to pull you into. It’s about discovering your true self. You can work on no longer reacting emotionally to their behaviour.

I wish you well on your journey to heal from this dysfunction- it’s a good start to recognise the situation for what it is.

Sorry to hear that. Dysfunctional how? My sister is a sociopath & a career criminal. And she assaulted me & her ex boyfriend too.

She is a nasty selfish manipulative user. So I can’t help but judge her.

They are proud of her since she claimed that she worked for big companies like Google. My husband thinks that she might be lying about thst as she likes to show off.

They are very naive he said & tgat they believe everything that she tells them which is true.

She is bipolar but she refuses to take medication. She had a bad reaction to medication once. I suspect that she enjoys the bipolar highs to much to take meds.

Also, she is against big pharma. She doesn’t want to admit that she’s mentally ill. She likes to project a tough independent happy cheerful image.

She doesn’t like having people think that she’s weak or inferior in anyway.

That is one reason she hates me, because she thinks I’m ‘weak’ ‘crazy’, and to dependent on other people.

Thanks for suggesting that book again. I think that I have read it before.

I’ll read it again. Honestly, I’ll never heal from the pain & the trauma they caused me.

That’s good you’re going to reread, you might find that you can utilise more as you process - good luck!

I am not saying it is not worth reading. There are many posts I cannot read due to length. You actually format your posts well (many short paragraphs) so they are easy to read if one has time. Some people write walls of text that are hard to parse.

People who used to work at Google have it on their LinkedIn profiles. Have you seen her LI profile? What is on it?

How do you know she is bipolar? Have you seen her medical chart?

I have read the post. I am not clear how on the one hand the sister claims she worked for big companies such as Google and the parents are proud of her for that and on the other hand the parents pay for all of her expenses including rent and she, at 50 (!!) lives with them. Where did the money go that she supposedly earn when she worked for said big companies?

I cannot help notice in your post @jesyka that it is replete with using mental health terms in a pejorative sense. Look at just two examples and there were more in the text:

"My dad would constantly yell at us in public. He’d especially yell at my retarded mother often."

"She acts & talks like a young mentally challenged child often."

Are you recycling how you have been called when you talk this way?

***

I am also not clear what was inappropriate about the following:

"She would also bring up old dates & how men used to wait for hours in the car for her which was inappropriate."

Was it inappropriate that men waited for your young mom for hours? Was it inappropriate that your mom would tell you about it?...

Further, you wrote:

"She was so inappropriate that she even asked to see my breasts after I got implants put in. She wasn’t joking about that. I said no of course."

While your new artificial breasts are your private business and you are well within your right not to show them to your mom, the curiosity about them is not so outrageous. She asked, you declined. What is the big deal? I did not know about your implants, by the way. I thought you were naturally well-endowed.

They sound toxic, jeskya, sounds like you've done the right thing not having anything more to do with them

I think the only thing you can do is try get people around you who are going to be kind to you

Jesyka, if you can't wait until they all die and especially you dad, as you wrote, that means you are not free from them and remain terribly, terribly enmeshed internally. I hope the book recommendation above provides a lot of help to free you at last. You should not be be wishing for their deaths. Plus, their deaths will not resolve anything for you, so there is nothing to hope for, unless, and I am joking here, you stand to inherit a fortune.

Yes, I can relate, in my own way. You might find it helpful to check out the abuse forum. There are a lot of us there.

As far as not reading long posts, I noticed that a good while ago. We have to remember that most of us are here to get our own help, too, and can be easily overwhelmed. It's not just you. Okay?

Great suggestion! I just finished reading this, was recommended by my therapist. Most of it related to my interpersonal relationships.

I have just finished listening to "FLOW" on audiobook.

Amazon.com

The author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who narrated his own book cites research that shows that some very successful people come from broken households and did not have loving parents. It is not only childhoods in optimal caring environments that lead to success later in life. Adversity does, too, and to a significant extent. @jesyka it is an old book and you can borrow it from your local public library. Talks a lot about how to be happy with simple methods, too.

“They both infantilize me.”
^This is a very important factor, and the crux of the issue with your parents contribution to your struggles. From what I’ve been learning, it is about attachment issues and individuation gone awry due to parents who were not “good enough” parents. There is a lot of information you can learn about this, if you are interested.

Then one needs to essentially reparent themselves and individuate, becoming a productive adult. We are not stuck forever and can help ourselves.

I do share this issue with you. My mother did not want to let me individuate…ever…. Honestly, approaching my old age, I am having to assert my independence and insist on my boundaries, though they are still not respected or honored. The only thing for me to do was to distance and choose the level of contact I could live with.