[sweetngentle]

My husband just told me this morning that he will no longer go to the church we have been attending. He give no real solid answer why he won't go there. He likes the Pastor and everything about the church.......he just says "that is what God is leading him to do".

Also he said he had a very traumatic day yesterday. He can't tell me about it until he receives a "very important phone call". He always tries to appear as very mysterious...never letting me see the full picture. I have no idea what he has in mind this time..or do I??? I don't know but I'm tired of playing his game!!!

Sweet

If I didn't know better I think he is trying to set me up for another fall. This has been going on for 22 yrs. I think he has something up his sleeve. But he likes to emotionally "wind me up" then watch me fall apart....This time...it's not going to happen.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

[heidu]

Good girl!! Dont play the game. Stay strong. Your husband kinda sounds like a jerk. I hope you don't mind me saying that but who would set someone up for a fall like that? If he thinks your so sick why isn't he helping you contructively or just leaving you alone to deal with it yourself?
Heidu

[sweetngentle]

I've checked with 2 friends of mine that knowour situation well. We all concur that he is trying to set me up to take a fall. He isn't helping me constructively because I've cut the umbilical cord between the two of us and he is floundering...not he has to breathe on his own

I do hope that he will get some professional help for his issues. And I wish he would be more honest and up front with me.

Sweet

And....at times he does fit the role of a jerk...but I try to not be overly negative about him.

Sweet

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot

[darkeyes]

Please don't take offense, PLEASE, but if he has been doing this to you for 22 years, why have you stayed with him so long? I do not mean this in a sarcastic or mean way, I just couldn't understand how anyone could be so tolerable with some one who would do this to them.
My mom hated my dad, she use to say it was because of us 3 kids is the only reason she stayed married to him (wasn't nice to say considering how it affected us kids) well way after we were all grown up, out of the house with our own families, she was still with him up until his death last year (and still hated him) she actually seemed relieved he was gone
In her case it seemed obvious why she stayed with him, she had no career, no formal education, only finished 8th grade and had to go to work to help her mom who was divorced who had an abusive, alcoholic for a husband.
But mom could of made it on her own, she would of rcvd. alimony, she lacked self-esteem always self defeating any attempts to do anything.
I don't know your personal situation but if your husband has and is "playing games" I wouldn't stand for it if I were you, take more pride in yourself, don't continue to allow him to put you in a situation that makes you unhappy even if that means leaving him (if couples therapy can't help) but first give that a try, I don't know if you already have.
I hope things will improve for you, one way or the other, life is too short to be miserable.
Please take care
"darkeyes"

[sweetngentle]

My husband doesn't do this all the time and he does have some good in him. He is also open to change....even though it's difficult for him to do so.

Why have I stayed with him for 22 yrs? Many reasons. There was a long period of time when he wasn't like this...but was a loving caring husband and father. I know a lot of people stay in a bad relationship because they don't want to hurt their kids....when in realitiy the kids still get hurt in the process. In this case our kids want us to remain the way we are...and as long as I have my own condo I am content to keep things the way they are....and the way they must be in order to survive.

In the past 10 yrs I have filed for divorce 3 times. The first time I filed he turned on the charm and I fell for it hook line and sinker. So we remained together for several more years. The second time I filed...hhhmmnnn....I'm trying to remember why I dropped the divorce suit. To tell you the truth I honestly can't remember why I dropped it. The third time I do remember why I dropped it. By then we were already living in our own separate residenses so him being nasty to me wasn't too much of a problem....although I did almost have to file a restraining order to keep him from stalking me. The main reasons I dropped that one was that he was taking the minds of our 2 mentally ill kids and preying on them. He made their life a literal h*ll......by that time my daughter was living in a group home....my son was in a p hosp and my youngest decided he wanted to live with his dad. I couldn't stand to see what he was doing to our kids. And they just came back for more and more. I couldn't bear to see them suffer so I told my husband that I would drop the suit if he stopped preying on our kids minds. In spite of all he had done to the kids they didn't want us to divorce.

ATM I am living in my own separate condo with my 19 yr old son living with me (he has sz severely). My husband has mellowed....I think my moving to a state far away last yr and staying there with friends had quite an impact on him. He still does weird things, but I just try to let it go ASAP.

I'm not pushing for a divorce ATM......I am on disability, and am physically disabled...not able to work at all. I only get A little over $500 @mos from SS. My husband pays for the meds I need...food......car ins etc. I can't make it on my own financially. So, I have adapted to this lifestyle cos it has been the only thing that has worked.

There is so much more to this than what I've written. I am not unhappy most of the time.....and he is good to me in other ways. He does need to get into therapy to deal with his issues. It will be a struggle to get him into a counseling arena, but I think it can be accomplished. Also, there really is no way out. Financially I would be a disaster (even with alimony I wouldn't be able to cover my expenses)......and my husband would continue to go about is dysfunctional way....whereas in this situation there is a possibility he will go for counseling. Sometimes things just have to be what they are. In the whole scheme of my life now is better than much of my past.....you don't develop DID cos life was a bed of roses.

Sweet

"It's never too late to be what you might have been". George Eliot