[Lavendercrandberry]

This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don’t get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we’ve been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I’m a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We’ve had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago…he ghosted me for a short while…and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven’t heard from since, and he’s been ignoring my texts… I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling…the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks… then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company…or so I thought… I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then…in which he never responded.that day…not even to tell me he’s busy…

I thought that was strange because he’s always asking to spend more time with me…even if it’s a quick hug… He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out…

He swears that there are no other women…

During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.

Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??

It's been 2 weeks since we've last communicated.. whenever I see him from my window coming home from work he's always on the phone now..he was never on the phone before. It must be another woman, or multiple right??

Before, when we got into disagreements and arguments, he was always apologizing profusely, telling me that he loved me and didn't want to loose me. Begging me to stay. Ringing my phone a lot....

Now..radio silence for 2 weeks.

I feel like he used me to build himself up and dropped me now that he's feeling confident and confident enough to go after what he wants.

The other day I caved in and called his phone numerous times..each time it would ring a lot and it would cut to voicema, saying that the user mailbox is full...I feel like he blocked me.

I sometimes feel like confronting him, but I think that may be a bad idea. I don't want him to think that I am desperate and thinking about him.
I'm soo confused and heartbroken.

[Marilyn2016]

Hello luv,

I believe anyone who ghosts you doesn't deserve you.
I hope someone enters your life who isn't playing games or doesn't know how to treat you.

Luv,

Marilyn

[Tart Cherry Jam]

You are right in thinking that a confrontation is a bad idea. Just cut all ties and try to forget about this bad experience.

[eskielover]

At best, it is a totally dysfunctional relationship. Learned over the years that when you end up questioning someone & their motives it is because there IS SOMETHING WRONG. Yes, red flags & I would not waste any more time or thought on this guy. Drop him, block him or whatever you need to do to make sure you have nothing more to do with him. Use this as a learning experience of what a quality functional relationship is not like & get on with life

[VabGirl]

Probably best to move on and leave it all behind you

[divine1966]

Yeah not a good set up. Be done with him.

Most certainly he has no plans to marry and have a family with you, he is a liar. That’s not how men act when they have serious interest in a woman.

No need to confront, just block him

[Tart Cherry Jam]

And try not to spend your mental energy deciphering his odd and inconsistent behavior patterns. Was he using you for sex? Probably not, given such very infrequent sexual encounters and his later claims that he had doubts about his size etc. Was he using you for something else, such as to bolster his ego? He probably was. But you are not paid to write and defend a thesis about this man's motives and motivation.

I would also rejoice that you can end it early and walk away relatively unscarred.

[Blah nlah]

I may not fully understand how painful this must be for you. I got ghosted too. I would like to narrate it like a story/novel. I met him in person, since he said it’s easier to talk. He called me but my data was off, so I quickly called him back and realised he was nearby. Gripped with emotions all of a sudden, I shed a few tears. I wiped them away and went to meet him. I was frowning as I sat in complete silence. Stiff body, legs crossed and arms folded. I felt numb and clenched my fists when he reached for his phone. We sat for an hour, during which he spoke and I listened and didn’t say a word unless I had to. The wind hummed in between the silences. I asked him why he didn’t respond. He said “Well- many reasons.” Held up his hand and counted with his index finger, “One, my course, I had to practice and I could not give time to anything else, I was practising the whole time and when I was not practising I’d feel anxious or guilty. Second, mom was saying she needs help and she said ‘What are you doing, why are you out for so long,’ and she knew I meet you and have been through that whole breakup so she said ‘Oh, another heartbreak, another thing to get diverted by…’ and- not danger, but slippery slope.”
Oh? I thought. Diversion? Distraction? And what was I all these days?
“Mom didn’t attack you personally, she meant in general why am I spending time with girls. I can’t be open with them at home like I can be with you. Like they’ll constantly shut me down.” Silence. “And with fear of commitment I meant dedicating time. Like even now, I’m thinking what to do next because there’s so much to do. And it’s not like I won’t be friends, I’ll catch up. I haven’t spoken to my other friends either.”
He’s trying to appease me, I thought. I could only theorise at this point. Maybe he realised there’s not gonna be anything physical and so found more reason to ghost me. I had decided. That I won’t go further than a hug. Last time I hugged him, he prompted, and I kissed him. I didn’t hug him this time. Now there’s no messages. Nothing.

Tell me if you wanna know more, I’ll write the rest of what happened to me. I need to think and gather my thoughts before I write.

[Rive.]

He is using you for his own needs and he is not emotionally mature enough to have a healthy relationship.

Move on.

[Revenge Tour]

I think you're wasting good time on a bad person. Send him packing.

[eskielover]

You said he is ghosting you?........just keep the ghosting going only it's your turn this time. It automatically turns into both leaving each other alone & going your separate ways