[Barry2]

He was going through his sister's bedroom when she wasn't home. I said, do you have permission to be in there?

He loudly said I just wanted him to feel guilty.

When I explained that I thought his sister deserved that respect, he talked over me like it was important to him that he didn't hear me.

When I said I would do the same for any of us, he became hurtful.

So I asked him if this is about me being nice to him, and he reacted strongly with ridicule. He gave the strong suggestion that he has become overdependent on the relationship with his mother to protect him from having to recognise others in his life.

[Discombobulated]

I guess reading this I’m wondering what else is going on generally in this young man’s life? Is he in work? Education? What are his social connections like? What are his relationships like within the family? Is this disrespectful behaviour new to him or an established pattern?

[Barry2]

Yes, there's history. Too many unconnected adults have had a say in his early life, telling him who he should and shouldn't listen to. It seems to have diminished the role. I suspect the imposed responsibility has overwhelmed him.

His relationships are transactional. Whether he has the potential to develop deep bonds, he doesn't. He has said that most people are essentially selfish and untrustworthy.

At times he is sensitive and reactive, sometimes avoidant, and occasionally violent. He makes plans while disregarding the well being and rights of those around him. I don't know whether he understands but when questioned he tends to say it's the other person's fault.

He has a history of stealing from people close to him and destroying their property for the purpose of control. He also spies on people when he thinks they aren't looking.. or are asleep.

He is heavily dependent on pot, and most of his relationships and daily activities are based around that.

[Discombobulated]

Ah. The cannabis addiction might well be exacerbating the antisocial behaviour?

What’s your connection to this young man? Are you close enough to suggest perhaps family therapy?

[Barry2]

I am close but he maintains a distance. There is another who encourages the cannabis because they cannot deal with him straight. I don't feel this way.

While it no doubt has a significant effect, I think it runs deeper with a family history of sociopathy and disposable ties. His view of love is not mature, seeing it as a competitive sport. His judgement is the only correct way.

He wishes harm on others and is consumed by the belief it is deserved.

[Rose76]

This young man is seriously disturbed. He has no character. From where does he get the money to buy pot?

[Barry2]

In part at least, he lures his cohort in to being a smoking partner and backing his schemes. Money that should be going toward household needs. In that sense I'm paying for it myself.

He appears to have no idea of the trouble he puts others to, and acts like they are playing mind games with him when they have something to say. He's more comfortable pumping someone for information than asking them straight. He pretends he's delusional and out of touch with reality as an excuse to help him get away with treating people badly.

It's hard to know what you're going to get from day to day.

[Revenge Tour]

This sounds exactly how my son started his troubled path. The lying and fighting escalated then drug use entered the picture. After years of him intimidating his mother and sister, and us trying everything to help him, I threw him out. He hates me now for it. Oh well.

[Rose76]

Did you help raise this young man? Is he living in a home with you? Are you responsible for supervising him in some way? He's headed for all sorts of trouble. I doubt you can influence him to go in a better direction. Your main concern needs to be protecting yourself from him. He'ld probably steal from you, as soon as look at you.

[Barry2]

Is it common with marijuana abuse to talk about problematic inanimate objects like they're against you.. or more likely to simply be a lack of personal management skills?

Revenge Tour and Rose76, your experience is appreciated. I prefer to hope that the good in a person will prevail, but have to be realistic.

[volsinchy]

It's not common to talk about " inanimate objects like they're against you".
Experiencing inanimate objects as threats while using marijuana can indicate underlying psychological issues. It's not just about poor management skills but might reflect deeper problems like anxiety or paranoia, that can indicate mental health problems.
Maybe talking to a doctor would help figure out if he has problems you should be worried about. It's not safe to use pot for people with some mental health issues.

[Barry2]

Maybe I should do that.

Now and then he says things to make it sound like he is crazy, but I don't believe him. This sounds like a sociopathic thing to do. The only thing is that now and then I can see he feels guilty and troubled about the things he does (He doesn't know that I see this.) This doesn't sound like a sociopathic trait. I wonder whether he listens to the wrong people, there could be a number of things.

[Barry2]

@Rose76 I appreciate your concern. Whether it's true or not, one learns to be discreet on a public forum.

[volsinchy]

I said crazy things when I wanted to draw attention to myself. If he seems troubled and guilty, it looks like he really needs attention and does not know what he is doing, or is scared of how things are going.

[Discombobulated]

I understand you don’t want to give too many personal details on here. Questions I’d ask, but you don’t need to answer here, is there anyone he has a bond with/respects? Maybe there’s someone who can connect with him and he might cooperate with?

[Barry2]

Discombobulated, thank you.

The person he interacts with most, he doesn't respect. I can't see him admitting that. He seeks enablers, and he trains them. Anyone who won't play the game is unimportant until they open their mouth, then they are the enemy.

[Barry2]

volsinchy, I suspect there's something in what you say. I keep this in the back of my mind.

I suspect he uses his pot addiction to help him switch from one feeling to the other and suppress whatever's troubling him. It must be relatively easy (at the moment) to switch people out at will.