Why do some people violate & disrespect boundaries? Clients mom is a pest!!!

My client is an adult who lives on her own. I’m a caregiver. Her mom has been texting me at all hours 8-11 at night for awhile. I told my supervisor about her & he told me legally he’d have to pay me if i l answer texts.

He said to not do it. I only replied to her to ease her worries as my client has some medical issues.

Anyways, she went overboard recently by not telling me that her daughter wouldn’t need me to come over ar the last minute until I asked her about things.

I simply asked her to please let me know ahead of time when I’m not needed as my managers can’t always schedule me with someone at the last minute. & I’m loosing money I need.

She made no apology to me. She got defensive & said, don’t ‘take’ things out on her daughter as she forgets stuff a lot & she reminded me that she’s disabled too.

I told her I didn’t take anything out on her & that I just watend to be notified in advance of these situations. I said that I told her daughter that nicely.

I don’t like how the mom acts l will upset her daughter just by asking to be treated with consideration!

I should’ve igored her constant texts. The daughter annoying too, but she doesn’t know any better.

The mom could’ve told me that. So I asked her to please inform me of things next time & she said OK.

My managers can’t always was informed but she didn’t bother telling me anything either. Then when I tried telling her to inform me of things asap too, she gaslit me & said that they don’t know when my client won’t need me. She literally just said the client told her that she wouldn’t be there on a certain day!

Why would she flat out lie to me like that? I didn’t correct her as I need to try to not upset the managers there as I need this job. It’s not like they’ll care or try to change anything probably.

She aslo said she’d have IT look into why I’m having issues at times with the work app but no one was ever contacted despite me reminding her that I need help still.

Recently I set a boundary that I had to enforce as that pest wouldn’t leave me alone. She was freaking out badly because her daughter didn’t return her texts right away.

She knew she was sick. She wasn’t so sick that she needed to go to the hospital, but with how she was acting, you’d think it was something serious. She had a bad stomachache I think, that’s it.

She was asleep. I told her that she was probably asleep & I was right.

I calmly but firmly gave her my schedule & I told her to only contact me when I’m on the clock. I told her what my supervisor said too.

She supposedly ‘understood’ everything. She then STILL pestered me to death not to long after that!

Either she was testing me or she didn’t care about my boundaries. I then reminded her again to remember to respect my boundaries & to contact a manager for any emergencies or for when I’m not on the clock.

She said she’d would then. Wth? Why did she do that? Rude!!! I doubt that my managers will say anything to her as they probably don’t want to upset a client.

And I’m nothing but an replaceable servant to them all, ugh! I should’ve never enabled this toxic boundary crossing behavior to begin with.

No more! She abused my kidness. She texted me as late as 11 too over silly things!

She is ridiculous! I’m surprised that she is letting her daughter live by herself as she acts like this lady can’t function without her.

So she finally stopped pestering me after I was more firm & said that I get tired & busy. I reminded her again to only contact me on the clock & she said that I made that clear ironically.

No apology at all. Rude! She acts like her daughter is made of glass since she’s sensitive. It’s to much.

Why do some people not respect boundaries? I’m not an on call servant, so I don’t understand why this lady is treating me like one.

She expects me to do other things too like paperwork & it’s to much. I never did this much for any client before.

So sorry that all these things are happening. It must be so hard on you!

Is talking to this person is in your job description? If not, block her, and why does she even have your number?

If talking to her is in your job description, then respond once a day at day time and then ignore the rest of the day. Certainly don’t respond at night.

If she texts in inappropriate times, just ignore. Turn notifications off.

We can’t control other people and there’s no way to know why she is this way. But you can control yourself. Just don’t respond

It is! I need the money & I only have one client. I was trying to get on their good side. No more.

No, it’s not. She does remind me of some medical appointments which is helpful.

I’ll figure out how to silence notifications. I told her I will no longer be responding to texts off the clock I will stick to that boundary.

Why do some people not respect boundaries?

If you can’t figure out notifications you can still turn the volume off and don’t respond.

It’s a waste of time trying to figure out why people do what they do. You should focus on yourself and what you do or don’t do.

Best to tell her that the rule of your employer is to have notifications off when you are not on the job.

Tart made a good point. Jessika it might be a good idea to tell this woman that you aren’t allowed to correspond after hours etc Blame work policies.

Thanks. I’ll just ignore her off the clock. Hopefully by finally setting & enforcing a boundary, she’ll finally stop bugging me constantly!

I already told herthat my boss told me to not answer texts off the clock.

She supposedly ‘understood’ my boundary at first & then violated it soon after that, ugh! I’ll just ignore her offthe clock frim now on.

Good plan! Let us know how it goes

It sounds like your client's mother needs a caregiver of her own. She is not your client and has no business hounding you. This is attention-seeking behavior. You've handled it as nicely as you could, but now you have to get firm and stern. When you set a boundary, remember you also have to abide by it. That means ignore her texts. She has absolutely no business calling you when you are not on duty with her daughter. Even then, there is a limit to how much interaction there should be between the mother and you. If the authorities have decided that the daughter can live on her own, with caregiver support, then the mother should back off. When you're off-duty, the mother should only call the agency.

I've done homecare. By rights, if you're not needed, the client, or her mother, should call the agency. Then the agency should call you. Sometimes, it's best to not give the client or family your phone number. You were trying to be nice and accommodating, but this mother takes advantage. It's very unfair for them to cancel you at the last minute, making you lose a day's pay. An agency can refuse service to someone who does that repeatedly. Unfortunately, these agencies don't care about you losing pay. They just care about having as many clients as they can make money off of. Some agencies do pay caregivers something, if they get canceled at the last minute. Sounds like yours doesn't. So they see the cancelation as no skin off their nose.

You have to establish some expectations with this agency. I'ld recommend not giving your phone # to any clients or families. Tell future clients/families that they can only get a message to you by calling the agency and talking to them, whether it be a cancelation or whatever. Your supervisor gave you some good advice, but did not go far enough. The supervisors should be telling clients/families that all cancellations have to go thru the agency. The supervisor is shirking responsibility by acting like this is just your problem.

I did tell her that. After that she STILL texted me soon after that freaking out about her daughter not answering her phone when she was sick.

Wth? Ugh! So I reminded her of my boundary & she stopped bugging me all the time now, finally!

She just sent me reminders for appointments now.

She finally stopped bothering me all the time. I now only get reminders for appointments which I don’t mind.

You’re right about everything that you said. My managers don’t care about me.

One manager knew that my client didn’t need me on one day, but she didn’t mention that to me.

I got no apology from the mom or the daughter. They’re both rude & entitled. And inconsiderate too.

My managers enable the clients. The main manager said that since they’re disabled, they’ll be rude at time & that I’m to sensitive, ugh.

Another manager accused me of being to sensitive too after my last client screamed at me & told me to leave her apartment because she assumed that I was judging her.

They’re both rude & condescending people. I didn’t know that some agencies are like that. My company doesn’t care about me loosing any pay unfortunately.

Those agencies are all like that. At least, that was my experience, working for quite a few, in several different states. They are just money grubbers, with no ethics. The agency charges more than double what they pay you. They make more than you do.

An alternative option for you would be to advertize your services on Care.com. Through that web site, you can find clients who pay privately, with no agency involved.

Whenever you walk into someones home to provide a service, it's a crapshoot. You never know what you're walking into. Still, I've known a few home attendants who found decent clients on their own. Ideally, you want to work for a client who is pretty well off. These agency jobs are mostly Medicaid funded. Hang in there and gain experience. There are nice clients out there. I hope things improve for you.

Sounds like you're handling the problem well. It's best to have firm, simple rules that you stick to. You kind of have to train some of these clients and their families to be reasonable. Some aren't even trainable.

Thanks for the info. I prefer to work for an agency as I’d rather let them handle everything.

True. I got assigned much easier clients. I blocked the daughter & the mom recently after I stopped working for the daughter, lol 😆

I should’ve requested a new client right after her first outburst! Never again!