[sally_j]

About a year ago me and my husband had a big fight. At that time i was having problems with my ex boyfriend but all the madness has stopped because I put a stop to it myself. After somewhile. One morning when I came to work I found my husband emails on my computer and decided to take a peak. I saw his email ex girlfriend email that were being swapped back and fourth. Here is the bad thing my husband didnt tell me about it that was going on for 3 months. Note that she is married and has a kid. I read the emails that was going back and fourth and I broke down and cried. And called my husband and started cursing him out. My husband ran to my work and trying to explain things to me. But I ran to my car and left off and my husband right behind me but I was crying away. In his email he mentioned to her that all the problems we had in our life to our marriage issue's and more. He also mentioned that if she wanted to be with him that she would have to wait a year. I asked me husband what else she had said he told me that she wanted to marry him and have a relationship with him again. I couldn't run back to my parents if I did and they would had found out he was doing such a thing my parents would get really pissed off. And my husband has some stuff on me that he didnt tell his parents about. After that my husband bought a phone card and called her in front of me and told her that to get out of his life and he didnt want anything to do with her. I grabbed the phone from him and told her how sick she was for doing that and to be messing up with someone elses life when she know she's married and has a child. And sense my husband told her to wait a year I keep telling my husband that he has up until May 20th his Birthday that to make a decsion on whether he wants to be with me or her. And he gets so mad when I bring this up to him. He keeps assuring me that he hates her and wants nothing to do with her. And that he loves me and only wants me and that our life is finally falling back into place. He told me also that at that time of our problems that he was vaurnable and needed someone to talk too and didnt know where to go and what pissed me off so much that why he went and told her our marriage problems that seems to be private to us only. Should I stop talking about it?

[Perna]

I don't think you can solve anything, get further along in your relationship with your husband if you keep talking about it?

It sounds like both of you were having problems but that is in the past now and you should concentrate on making things work better now. He can't "fix" what he did wrong back there, can only keep assuring you like he has. You either want to accept that and move forward or decide you don't like it and you do something else. The May 20th decision should be for you and what you want to do as you can't control what he does, you can only decide you'll move forward with him or not?

[sally_j]

I understand what you are saying. But the thought of him talking to a girl about our marriage. That's something private between a husband and a wife. No one else. How would that make you feel? And also how would it make you feel if you found out the person you loved was talking to his/her ex and not telling you anything about it and finding out yourself. Wouldn't that hurt you?

[Perna]

I would initially be hurt but it is past and not the "truth" of the matter either then or now. I would either move forward or decide I didn't want to stay married to such a person.

What you husband told her is not about "the marriage" but his own idea of what the marriage was about at that time. I would probbly tend to laugh at it or I might be a bit more angry than hurt. He has a problem and he's telling someone else his troubles instead of me. But he can't tell her about "you" because only you know about you. He can only tell his take on things. Too, your marriage is you and him; without you in the discussion, there is no truth there, no "whole"/marriage. Together is the only way you could tell others about the marriage between the two of you. All he did was behave in an immature fashion, crying on somebody's shoulder instead of working on his problems like a man.