OMG this is incredible.

So we were driving in the car coming home from the hospital, and my mother starts laughing and saying how she is going to teach my little boy to curse and give people the finger.

Of course, this is a big joke, and her rationale is that she "should have given a few more people in my life the finger, maybe I would be better off"

So, I of course tell her that she is absolutely not allowed to do this and it is not appropriate behavior and not the way i wish to raise my child.

Well she flew right off the handle and screamed at me that I was being rude to her and that she was, again, 55 years old (apparently when you turn 55 something magical happens and you no longer have to be respectful lol) and she would do what she wanted to do.

Well, i said not around my child you won't.

Well she refused to talk to me for the rest of the drive home.



Good god.

[Perna]

Rainbowzz, don't get caught up in her craziness! You can take care of yourself and your child, you saw that the last time when you made her leave. You can keep doing that. Laugh at her ideas of what she thinks she's going to do, give her a "Good luck with THAT while I'm around" and a chuckle. Treat her like a spoiled child only when you get tired of her, send her home :-)

[bebop]

you stand your ground hon! this is YOUR child! I would simply tell her that if she insists on trying to do this around Jeremy she will not be allowed around him. I know I would hate to do that with a parent but geesh! errrrrr let me at her!

[BlueFaith]

Yes, stand your ground. My parents have tried to discipline my children in ways that I don't agree with, and I have had to just put my foot down. We have to let our parents know that these are OUR children, and we'll raise them the way we wish. Don't let her make you feel bad about it. She'll get over it.

my mother is a freaking enigma.

Honestly this time I couldn't even bother to get upset at the sheer absurdity of the whole thing she was mad about.

I mean, she was mad because I wouldn't let her teach my kid impolite habits? I'm rude because I won't let her? LOL!!

And I really have yet to figure out what being 55 years old has to do with anything.

Anyone thats been 55 does something magical happen?

[Perna]

Nah, 51 and your body starts falling apart in old age, all the aches and pains of being old (on top of any you had before), LOL but 55 wasn't any different from 54 that I can see other than some 55+ retirement communities becomes available.

[youOme]

Just ignore her when she says stupid things. My mom says stupid %#@&#! like that all the time...she flips out for no reason...she's just plainly a very psycho person. When she starts talking about all this crap I don't argue...I let her sound like a major ***, then I change the subject. Your mother is the type of person you cannot win with...just let her win, or at least let her think she did because when you do this you win...you won't have to listen to her flip out.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anyone thats been 55 does something magical happen?

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Not that I'm aware of! Before I turned 50 I used to go around saying "Life begins at 50." Oh, yeah?? Not much has changed for me!

She must feel suddenly "old" and is rebelling against it. Maybe that's her way of dealing with the fact that she's going to be a grandmother. That can tend to make you feel old. LOL

[LMo]

That, Sept, is a VERY good perspective! When I first read Rainbowzz's post, I thought "her mother will have to lie in the bed she's made for herself, because she's not going to get to see her grandchild at all if she keeps this up", but I think it's great that you are able to empathize with what are possibly her mom's underlying feelings and insecurities.

Rainbowzz, I do hope your mother can turn it around and start taking both herself and you seriously. You are doing the right thing by sticking to your boundaries. I don't know if your mom is capable of being brutally honest with herself, but maybe after she meets the baby and sees what she stands to lose with her behavior, she'll take a hard look at her relationship with you and will shape up

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm a grandma 9 times over, remember? I've been sat on my ear more than once.

Either Rainbowzz' mom will straighten up or Rainbowzz will straighten her up! I have now doubt about that!

[eskielover]

I just turned 55 last week & I wouldn't treat my daughter or baby (if she had one) like that ever, ever, ever. That is just stupid talk that comes from trying to sound off & sound like you are in charge.

The important thing is to not back down in her case....keep strong & follow through on your threats....it's if they are just idle threats, that your Mother will end up getting away with it.....stand up for what your are saying stick to your guns.....don't let her make you feel sorry for keeping her away from the baby if it comes to that......make sure she doesn't get near him as long as her behavior isn't worthy of being around him....it's a priviledge she has to earn, not a right as a grandma.....grandma's have no rights when they act the way she's acting.

If you can, I would cut off contact everytime she comes across that way....cut her out of your life & if she want's back in, she has to change her talk & behavior.

.It's important to be tough with people like her otherwise, they continue to get away with their actions....they may not change anyway, but it's guarenteed they won't change if there isn't a motivating factor.

Just my opinion based on 32 years of a jerk of a husband & pending divorce
Debbie

[sabby]

(((((((((((((( Rain )))))))))))))))

This whole thing is so sad and hard to know of. My heart really goes out to you and the baby and your mom.

Has your mom always been like this? Is her behavior ramping up just recently? When was the last time she had a phsyical exam? I'm wondering if she has a physical ailment that may be contributing to her behavior. I could be way off base here, it's just a thought.


sabby

[Perna]

I just really looked at the title of this thread and it isn't your mother getting angry that's the problem, it's her original, expressed thoughts! I wouldn't even bother worrying about whether she's angry or not; I'd title it "the latest thing my mother spewed up".

Sabby Said:


Has your mom always been like this? Is her behavior ramping up just recently? When was the last time she had a phsyical exam? I'm wondering if she has a physical ailment that may be contributing to her behavior. I could be way off base here, it's just a thought.

ALWAYS. For as long as I can remember. I remember being three and having her threaten to drink a bottle of javex because I wouldn't pick up my toys. She also beat me when I was a child whenever her temper would get away from her, and was always screaming about something or calling me names ect.

I don't know if i told you this or you saw me posting about it, but she did have a hole in the inner ear that led to the lining of the brain until she was 28, this caused her to get menengitis EIGHT times.. we are pretty sure she has some sort of neurological damage from this.

On top of all of this, she was sheltered by my grandparents her entire life. God bless them, they were good people, but they always told everyone to "just leave her alone" "don't provoke her" ect.. this led to her getting her way way too much I think and she didn't learn to cope with sitations that did not go her way.

She DEFINETLY needs to be seen by someone, but she swears up and down there is nothing wrong with her. Even though she threatens suicide or blows up or hits herself in the head.. she thinks that it is all because of everyone around her, and her theory is if people would just leave her alone then she wouldn't "have" to get upset in the first place.

And don't even TRY telling her that she DOESN't have to get mad to begin with. Then she says she can't help it. And then she goes on her rant about how its good to let anger out, and says that my aunt is on so much blood pressure medication because she doesn't blow up often enough.(my mother is on blood pressure meds too) So i tell her that blowing up like that is NOT good for her blood pressure, but she doesn't beileve me.

We have written FOUR letters to her GP now detailing what she is doing, the fact that she is suicidal, the fact that I had to call the police on her a couple weeks ago because she was trying to eat a whole bottle of clonazepam and hit herself with a crochet hook... he has done absolutely nothing. I think this is ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!! I mean, if you tell someones doctor that they are suicidal, wouldn't they have a legal recourse to take some action in the matter?

I just was talking to her on the phone - she opened the phone call by getting angry with me for not calling her yet today. I told her I didn't want to call before six because there is no minutes left on her cell phone, which I have been using. She said she didn't know that - I said yes you did, we had a whole discussion about it several times last week when she got mad at me for using the phone too much during the day. So then she said she "just didn't know" and got huffy. Then she says that she had to miss an appointment an hour away today with her ear specialist, and I said that was too bad, trying to be compassionate. She then began cursing about how she would just go with ringing in her ears and a foggy head, it didn't matter. At this point, i sighed, and asked her to call me back when she was in a better mood. I don't feel up to taking her cursing and I don't feel up to supporting someone who refuses to do anything for themselves to feel better.

and another stupid situation.

She came over to bring me filtered water (our water tastes yucky) and as she was leaving she let the kitten out. So, to solve this, she grabs him roughly and literally throws him back in the house, and screams at him for getting out.. because, of course it was the cats fault that she wasn't being careful and paying attention to where the cat was.



Then I asked her to please be careful and she screamed at me that she couldn't help it and slammed the door and left.



Kitty is ok but if I ever see her grab one of the cats that roughly again and throw him, I'll be tempted to throw HER.