[puffycloudz]

Well...it all started last night when my worst fear was confirmed. My mother had been cheating on my father. Worse yet, it had been a four year relationship!

I told my mother I want them to get a divorce and that I want nothing to do with her.

She was my best friend that I told anything to, but I guess that can all change in an instant. The pain I feel is pretty much indescribable. It's not only for myself and my brother, but most of all for my dad.

I really just want some on advice on what to do...I feel sick to my stomach...especially when I found out that she had left our New Year's Dinner to go spend time with him.

How can someone that is halfway decent as a person, destroy their own family like that?

[nothemama8]

Welcome, first off have you asked her side of why this has happened, talk to her and try to be supportive

[Perna]

Hi puffycloudz, welcome to PsychCentral. What a horrible thing to learn. I learned of my grandfather's mistress long after he was dead and he wasn't even my father but it still affected me.

It's hard in the adult world of relationships. Only your mother and father know what is going on with theirs. How parents look to us children is quite different from how their lives look to them. I'm glad you were able to tell your mother how hurt you were. But don't go trying to pick up other people's hurts, how they are affected and what they feel only they can know.

I don't know if your parents will split up or not, you didn't say if you know if your father knows of the affair or if the affair has stopped or how you learned of the affair. If your mother told you details, she should not have shared that with you, that is her and your fathers' business alone, part of their relationship. Remember, any disclosures she makes are only half of the situation. Your father should be talking to you at the same time, with her.

I do not know that there is anything you can "do". It sounds like your mother has certainly destroyed your trust in her. I understand wanting her to leave. I would wait a bit and see what develops and what your parents say and do further.

[puffycloudz]

thanks a lot...i guess i am just confused and hurt about the situation...yes my dad knows but loves her and he isn't sure whether to leave her, things like this have happened before.

[sabby]

(((((((( puffycloudz ))))))))

I'm so sorry you have had your world all shook up like this. I'm sure you are hurt and confused and angry.

Perna is right about this being a parental situation and not up to you to fix or even take sides for that matter. I know it's difficult right now not to take sides because you feel betrayed and can imagine how your dad is feeling betrayed as well. But, it's up to your mom and dad to figure this all out.

This situation doesn't mean that your mom can't still be your best friend hon. I know you see her in a different light because of her actions, but what happened doesn't change how she feels about you.

We don't always know what goes on in our parents lives together. I don't think it will help the situation for you or your parents if you judge either one of them on the merits of what you feel has been done wrong to either parent. If both your parents love you and you love them, you can be supportive to each one without taking sides or being put in the middle. I know this is easier said than done, but it is possible to do.

I hope you can find some patience and peace in all this. Give them a chance to work things out in their own way.....and continue loving them because they are your mom and dad.....they are human beings and they are not perfect (even if we like to believe parents can be).


sabby

[AAAAA]

((((((puffycloudz)))))

First of all welcome to PC!

I’m so sorry that you’re involved in this situation. I don’t know how old you are, but this is something that is between your parents. I understand that you feel betrayed, hurt and angry, but this really is between them. It’s hard to see your mom as a woman, and human, but she is. I can’t imagine why this was revealed to you, but I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with it.

Try not to pick sides. It sounds like you had a really good relationship with your mother, let her know that you feel betrayed, angry, and hurt. Keep in mind, she's still your mother and express yourself in a respectful manner.

Again, I'm so sorry that this was all visited on you.

[youOme]

You said it yourself...she's a halfway decent person and I'm sure her intentions weren't to destroy..it just fell that way.

Definitely talk to your Mom and try to understand, maybe she was desperately lacking something in her marriage that you were never aware of.

Forgive your Mom, she's still your mother. She a mistake. If she didn't want to be with your father maybe she should have figured out the situation before having an affair....but sometimes it don't work that way and they end up living a double life.

I don't blame you for being so hurt, I would be too if it was me in this situation, but be understanding.

[BalishBun]

that is a heart breaker. I would be devestated as I am so close to my mom and if I found that out I would be so shocked I wouldn't know what to do.