My Affair

Is officially over for me now. It was going great, I still don't understand what happened. Besides all the sneaking around, we were floating in ecstasy. Now, it comes to find out he was trying to convince my very close friend that they should be together, this was right after we were intimate. My dignity as of right now is completely squashed. He still don't know what I know neither, of course my friend told me.

This is what I deserve, I truly believe this.

I just wish my husband would love me and stop putting me down more then he already has.

I feel so lonely and betrayed.

I think I can understand you feeling betrayed. but please understand affairs rarely ever work out. this guy knew you were lonely and took advantage of the situation. you are better off without him hon

Hunny, I had a similar experience way back when....when i was married in my early 30's. I fell in love with my painting professor, and he was so seductive. Visiting him, in his apartment one day after leaving my daughter in morning nursery school, I couldn't consumate the sexual part of it, though I was totally desperately in love with him. After that, he refused to take my calls, though he had told me he would "take care of me." etc. etc. Shortly thereafter, I did tell my husband of my feellings for this man, and he, in his inept way, was unable to deal with it very well, though we stayed together...for 20 years.
I was so humiliated. So very humiliated. I look back on it all now as a learning experience. Men like this, like the one with whom you've had this affair, are now to me like predators of the desperate and lonely. I read recently that this teacher of mine had passed away, had died. It took me so very long to get over the humiliation of my experience with him, yet it meant nothing, NOTHING, to me now to learn of this.
The people who are important are the ones who stay by you in your life...the ones who really care. I hope you and your husband can reach this kind of caring. Just dismiss this man with whom you had the affair. He sounds like a cad!
Patty

Yes, that man is a cad. Now that being said, my Mother was the other woman and I am an offspring of that affair along with my 3 brothers and 1 sister. Not all affairs are like this and some can and do last for many many years. My Mother's affair with my Father lasted 30 years until he died. Why didn't he leave his wife? Who knows except to say that he had 7 children with his wife. He said he stayed because it was easier and that he felt sorry for his wife. Us kids never knew until after he died that my Mother was the other woman. My Mother is retired and hasn't had another man since his death.

Now maybe some of you can understand why I say that not all affairs are wrong. Yes, the vast majority end sadly and cause a lot of problems, but I am here 52 years later and still don't think it was wrong for my parents to do what they did.

So don't feel dirty or like a tramp, my Mother is neither. She raised 5 of us, all work, all have good morals and all are happy to be alive.

Under the best of circumstances relationships are hard. Affairs have a different set of problems in my experience. I’m sure there are exceptions as in the case of 50guy, but generally affairs are escapes from reality. They’re all fluff and no substance, once reality sets in you discover this person that you thought was Mr. Wonderful and Understanding, was really a fantasy created in your mind to fit the mold of someone you needed at the time.

You don't deserve this treatment. noperz

You all are right. I think he is my fantasy partner. In his defense though, I think I am his as well. He is separated from his wife who had kicked him out for another man. We sort of use each other for a temporary relief. Reality always settles in later though.

It's unlikely we'd be together and happy forever under the circumstances of how we got together. There's still a part of me that wants him for myself though, but he never tells me anything in reply.

I actually saw him last night but was unable to get into a in depth conversation about what had happened with my friend. I hope to ask him what had happened or at least hear him tell me the truth of the situation. I can move on........I hope.

Forgive me for asking, but are you looking for a stable committed relationship? Do you think that this man is capable of such a thing? If memory serves didn’t he have relationships outside of his marriage both with and without his wife’s permission?

I know instinct tells you to cling to that known thing, but I would suggest avoiding that particular circle of friends entirely. They didn’t give you much support or assistance in the past. Find a new group of people that have the same goals as yourself. Good luck!