[confusedgurl08]

My husband has been really quiet and he looks and acts like he is either depressed or thinking about leaving me. I just started noticing this ever since i quit my job in January. I hadn't worked for 2 years and then i got a job and held it down for 5 months. When i wasn't working he worked overtime and didn't care that i was unable to work. Then when i decided to go back i told him he could take a break and just work part time and have time to himself for a while just to rest. He loved it. Then in January i quit and he had to go back full time. He tells me everyday that it is ok, but i just don't believe that is the truth. I do get disability so i am bringing some money into this relationship. And i made a promise to him that as soon as i get stable on my meds and work through some stuff i will try to go back to work. This is not the only reason I think he is depressed or going to leave me. I have put him through So much and we are so young. He is really too young to be dealing with this. I have Been in the hospital 6 times in the past 4 years. My anxiety gets so bad, then i get angry and take it out on him. He NEVER gets mad at me, never says anything i do upsets him and tells me he loves me all the time and when i apologize he tells me it is ok, he undersands. He is so supportive and helps me make doctor appointments, drives me everywhere because i don't drive and EVERY TIME i ask him what is wrong he says, " I am just tired" He has been using this excuse for a really long time now. He is not happy, goofy, or motivated the way he used to be. I fell in love with him 6 years ago because he had so many goals, and plans for the future and he was a very hard worker. Lately he doesn't want to go to work, calls in a lot, doesn't want to do much. Always tired. Im so worried all my problems have exhausted him and i am worried about him. I would rather him be happy without me than hurting by staying with me. I know he loves me. And it would hurt so bad if he did leave, but if it is for the best eventually i will pull through hopefully. Should I stop worrying so much, i'm not sure what to do!!!!

[Perna]

I would be as supportive of him as I could; make him his favorite meals, think of little surprises for him, etc. and work on reducing costs if you can, etc. You can't decide for him that you are the problem and that he should/will/won't leave you and worrying doesn't help you get better or him in any way!

Worry mostly about you and getting better and that will help him feel better too. We can only work on ourselves not those around us.

Sounds like you might be able to improve things with talking with him too; did you discuss quitting your job with him or was it a "surrpise" to him? Talking together on how to make things work in your marrige would probably go a long way to reassuring you and he both that things are going to be okay.

[KathyM]

Maybe you can find an appropriate time to talk with him and tell him you feel your relationship is too one-sided - i.e., you feel you're getting too much and he's not getting enough. You can ask him how he'd like you to contribute to achieving his goals and peace of mind. Hopefully, he won't ask for a divorce, lol. I would hope it would give him a little freedom to explore his own life without leaving you behind. If anything, it would show him you care about his needs too.

Me? I allow my husband to dress me up in waders and throw me into the river - he likes to go fishing.

I hope you'll be able to work this out.

[Lenny]

Like Kathy shares the one reasonable beginning to solving this problem is asking him.

Introduce your question with the love you just explained here and that you are concerned for your future as a couple. Tell him he doesn't have to answer this very moment but to think about what you and he can do to get past this time of uncertainty.

IMHO.

Lenny

[confusedgurl08]

Ok I took everyones advice. Last night I cooked him his favorite meal and after talking about his day and mine I sat down, turned the TV off and told him i would like to have a serious conversation, he turned, looked at me and
We had a wonderful talk. He told me that he will NEVER me, and he has never even thought of it. Sometimes when he gets quiet he is just thinking that me talking to him so much about mental Illness (which i obsessively do) "overwhelms" him and tires him out. I asked him why he hasn't said this every time i have asked and he told me he is afraid it would hurt my feelings. For a split second i got mad at him for "lying" to me. Then I Of course I felt bad, angry at myself for getting hurt so easily before and feeling guilty for doing that to him. But a few minutes later everything was ok, and the rest of the night went great. I told him that being honest with me (even though it may hurt my feelings) is the only way it is going to help me as well as him. He seemed to understand, I hope he really does. And I know it has been like this for over 6 years now and it will not happen overnight (even though i want it to) it is going to take sometime to un program the behaviors and thoughts on both our parts. Thank you so much for the replies, they helped more than you will ever know..

[Lenny]

Good for you guys...wish the problems in the world would follow your tact...

Lenny