[Chrysallis]

Hi. I'm new here and want to share my story with you.
I've been married for 18 years and my husband has been abusing me since day one. You may think I'm an idiot, and you are probably right, but his abuse was never physical - well, except this once, many years ago.
However he's being verbally and emotionally abusive. It's more subtle end elusive, harder to realize or accept. It's not like you see the scars and bruises in the mirror...
In psychotherapy I finally realized that my husband most probably suffers from severe inferiority complex. Diminishing me is the only way he can cope with his low self-esteem. For years I tried to be understanding as I knew he has always been rejected by his parents - his sister is the lady and he's the tramp in his father's eyes. I wanted to help and support him but no more. He's like a vampire. He feeds of me to fill in the gaps his family has created in his soul. I can't take it anymore. And honestly I don't want to. However, I can't leave him right now because I am not financially independent at the moment - we have this fiinancial crisis in Greece as you have probably heard and I'm between jobs.
Thanks for listening to me. If anyone has any ideas how I could face him, make him stop, gain some time, please advise!

[hamster-bamster]

It's been too long so you probably won't make him stop. You do need to gain some time and, presumably, see a family lawyer to get an outline of your options.

[River11]

Chrysalis, it's so good that you no longer want to try to make up for his lousy family past by being his emotional punching bag.

Good that you're having therapy. And definitely wise to get legal advice and whatever other support you can. Maybe speak to a women's shelter or something similar?

And I also agree that it's very unlikely you or anyone else can change him; but at least now that you know what you know and have set yourself free within, the stuff coming out of his inner black hole can't hurt you so much. Make sure you feed your belief in yourself and do things and be with people who help you build up the good impressions you have of yourself.

Peace and power to you


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[Fuzzybear]

Peace, power and love to you

[healingme4me]

Not sure, how to get it to officially stop. It's perhaps, so ingrained in his every ounce of his fiber, that stopping him, aka, changing him, it highly unlikely.

The only thing, that can change, is your reaction to it. Learning to detach, whether that be to emotionally step away or physically step away, even to another room, is a start.

Do you have any relatives, or friends, that you can start spending more time, with? Away from him?

[Yoda]

I doubt that Greece's financial crisis is going to resolve quickly. I wish you luck in finding a job but you need to think about getting out if the job is slow to find.

In that country would your spouse have to pay you financial support as part of the divorce agreement? Do they have domestic violence shelters there?

[Rose3]

Hope that you find a job, and make some plans for yourself.