[invisible1]

my girlfriend has it and i was researching the symptoms....one was...

"IMPULSIVITY in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)"

weve been together 3 years and we fight almost everyday.of course we dont try to but it just seems to never fail...i really love her and want to be there for her. i want to help her but its getting harder. after viewing the symptoms im concerned about her cheating.

are people with BPD known for cheating??...im a faithful guy and im concerned for my health.......i just wanna know what the chances of her (or people with BPD ) being unfaithful are.....

[youOme]

I wouldn't stereotype the condition. Impulsivity could range from any sort of deviant behavior.

[Razzleberry]

Not everyone with BPD cheats....but yes the "impulsivity" can include sex. But not with everyone.

Is she in treatment? If not...please help her get into therapy. For both your sakes. Try couples counseling if she refuses to go alone.

If you're concerned, you can always go get tested for STD's. But don't confront her about an affair - you have no idea if she really has done anything, and a big confrontation about it could send her off the deep end. Just be careful.

[Lenny]

As others have stated it is important to always look at each situation independently. There are so many co morbid aspects to all disorders that behaviors are often mis interpreted.

Impulsivity is one of the criteria for the diagnosis of BPD and again it can be demonstrated in a variety of forms. In many cases a new temporary object can enter the picture as part of the push pull process that is common in the disorder. Sometimes it can also be part of the "I don't deserve you" thinking when fear of abandonment becomes overwhelming.

If you are committed to this relationship it is critical that you both seek professional help.

BPD can be mitigated and eventually put into long term recovery but the need for willingness is paramount...

Take care of you first...like on the airplane...give yourself the oxygen and then pass it on..

Lenny.

[invisible1]

what do u mean impulsivity can include sex but not with everyone??

she is in treatment...she sees a therapist every week....we have LOTS OF LOTS of problems....we argue and fight over nothing 90% of the time....im really really afraid of being with someone who is unfaithful...i have past relationships that are the cause of that......the symptoms of BPD include....UNPROTECTED SEX....UNSTABLE INTERPERSONAL RELATONSHIPS.....what do they mean unstable? does that mean people with BPD jump from relationship to relationship?? they find a guy, be with him and then move on to another??

PLEASE PLEASE HELP....WE MAY BE PREGNANT AND IF SHE IS UNFAITHFUL I CANT B WITH HER.....I WILL TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD ALWAYS BUT I CANT B WITH HER....THIS IS KILLING ME....Somebody help....

[Lenny]

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invisible1 said:
...what do they mean unstable? .

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By the sound of what you both are enduring,,,you have a pretty good understanding of unstable.

I'm sorry invisible but it would be unfair to state that she is being unfathful...we don't know her. But her disorder can lead to unfaithful behavior and that is something the two of you must come to terms with.

In many relationships when one member suffers from BPD a boundary that gets established is one of faithfulness. Boundaries are important in building a plan for recovery as long as they are reasonable, loving and include consequences...

Lenny

[Rapunzel]

With any disorder, not everybody has every variation of every possible symptom. It isn't fair to suspect someone on the basis that some people who have the same diagnosis have a symptom expressed in a certain way. That isn't about your girlfriend at all.

Trust is very important in all relationships. Also, people tend to get into relationships with others who function on a similar level to themselves. She's going to therapy and working on her problems. What are you doing to work on yourself and keep the relationship satisfying for both of you? You might find it interesting to read about the types of partners who typically hook up with people with BPD. Not saying it's necessarily you, but it could be enlightening. Relationships are a two-way street.

[magasanguis]

I have (had) a friend who exhibits many of the traits in BPD.
With her, she is unstable in her emotions, self-control, and self-image. This makes friendships very difficult for her.

However, she hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but I've had to deal with her issues nonetheless. It's good that your girlfriend is getting help, and I think there might be ways you can help, too.

For instance, if you're fighting over nothing... Well, it takes two to tango. My immediate reaction to my friend's behavior was "Help her understand where she's wrong. Help her fix it!" But sometimes you have to pick your battles. Have you tried simply not engaging in a fight if it's not worth it?

If your health is at stake, then you probably shouldn't have a sexual relationship with this person.

[Razzleberry]

Not every person with BPD is unfaithful. She may not be. Unless you have any way of knowing, do not accuse her.

It's just like not everyone with schizophrenia goes and shoots up a public building. Just because some do, doesn't mean everyone with that disease does.

If you are truly concerned, GET HER SOME HELP, and THEN, get tested for STD's and maybe start using condoms from now on.

[Florance912]

Invisible,

sounds like you have been with your GF through thick and thin, if its going on for three years. Can't you be confident in her after such a long time together? I have BPD, and my BF left me after 2 years, not wanting to deal with it, but I never ever ever thought of cheating on him. And this has never ever been an issue with us, although, like you and your girl, we were fighting over nothing so many times. See, all people are different and usually people develop BPD rather early, so it doesn't mean that if she was faithful before - after being diagnosed, she will go far and wide changing partners, no no, this does not happen like this. I am really glad though that you are dealing with her problem and are still with her.

I am BPD and was married for fifteen years with NO intention of the marriage ending if it was not for him failing to be a good husband I would still be there and being faithfull !

I am on my second marriage this time for seven years and again no intention of being unfaithfull ....

Never have been and never intend to be.

[selfy]

"she is in treatment...she sees a therapist every week....we have LOTS OF LOTS of problems....we argue and fight over nothing 90% of the time....im really really afraid of being with someone who is unfaithful...i have past relationships that are the cause of that......the symptoms of BPD include....UNPROTECTED SEX....UNSTABLE INTERPERSONAL RELATONSHIPS.....what do they mean unstable? does that mean people with BPD jump from relationship to relationship?? they find a guy, be with him and then move on to another?? "

i havent been DXed with borderline or nothin,but i read up on it and some of my mates have it.i think the arguments are mostly caused by the 'i hate you dont leave me' complex thingy. for example, i hate my ex bfs guts. with good reason. but i am so afraid of being alone God knows what id do if he stoppped being my friend. i need him. the unstable interpersonal relationships can just be referring to yours. she wold go from idealising you as a perfect person to depreciation, and thinking u r gonna leave bla bla bla. she wont nessascarily run off. in fact i severely doubt it. BPD sufferers tend to cling to those who they know wont leave them i think. especially in their impulsive mode, which i think is when they are most worried abot rejection. they are impulsive cuz they are trying to do things to prevent real or imagined abandonment. if i am speaking shizm tell me guys, but this is what i got from experience from mates and tinternet
dot
dont worry and take care

[invisible1]

sounds like you have been with your GF through thick and thin, if its going on for three years. Can't you be confident in her after such a long time together? I have BPD, and my BF left me after 2 years, not wanting to deal with it, but I never ever ever thought of cheating on him. And this has never ever been an issue with us, although, like you and your girl, we were fighting over nothing so many times. See, all people are different and usually people develop BPD rather early, so it doesn't mean that if she was faithful before - after being diagnosed, she will go far and wide changing partners, no no, this does not happen like this. I am really glad though that you are dealing with her problem and are still with her.

umm yea...u kan say that...i would think i could trust her by now but its complicated....uc within the last few months weve been fighting more and more....she claims to be asleep for like 12 to 13 hours a day....when she always used to sleep about 8....whenever we dont fite even still shell wake up after 8...but everytime we fite she "sleeps" way longer than usual.i feel either shes seeing someone at night or in the morning..most likely during the night...she claims to turn her phone off...i dont know....i really wish things could be different....if she would just see how faithful i am and i have been....im really feeling like i cant take anymore of this....