[littlelovely]

I am 19 and for my whole life I was emotionally abused by my father. I ran away a year ago and am now realizing my defense mechanisms for certain situations. One of the things I'm trying to work on is speaking up to people if I have an opinion or how I feel or to clear up a situation. I Have a hard time just working up the courage to say even the smallest thing relating to the main topic that is bothering me. I am mostly afraid of the person's reactions to what I have to say, whether they could be sad or mad. Does anyone have suggestions or techniques that could help me gain confidence and not be afraid anymore? Thank you so much.

[tat2doc]

Well, you really have no control over how someone will react. Most of my life I've felt that people weren't really listening to what I had to say so I just never said anything. Thinking "too bad" for them...Anyway, sometimes the best thing is to just spit it out. True friends will understand and accept. Fake ones can do what they want.

[littlelovely]

There is one specific situation I want help with. I have this really good friend who likes me and I liked him but I think that was because I had just gotten out of a year long relationship. Now to me, he is like a best friend. I live with him so I can keep my sanity but he is still affectionate to me when I told him I think it would be best if I was single for about 6 months or more. Him still being affectionate makes me feel unconfortable. I want to talk to him about it but I don't want to hurt him and I just get so scared when I even think that I'm going to talk to him about it. It took me a week and a goal to tell him before I meet with my therapist to tell him that I wanted to stay single and just be firends.

[CedarS]

You have the right to draw any boundaries you like and your friend needs to respect them.

If possible, keep reminding yourself of this fact, and don't worry about whether he will have hurt feelings or not.

Sometimes fear is much worse before we do something, then once we actually do it, things aren't as bad as we expected.

You count, you have rights, you are important. If you don't want to be touched, and he keeps touching you, no matter what reasons or excuses he gives, he is not respecting you.

I hope you keep listening to your own feelings and experience, work on this in therapy, and tell him clearly what you want and what you do not want.

[Dancer_in_the_light]

It can help to write out what you really want to say in advance. Then read it a few times until you're sure of what you want to say.

Start by letting him know that this is difficult for you, that you're afraid, and that you need him to listen with out interrupting. Explain that you really aren't in a good place right now, and that you want to be single. You need space, and his affections are starting to bother you. His actions make you uncomfortable, and you need them to stop.

As for the greater problem of not expressing yourself, you definitely need to work on that in therapy, but for now maybe you could start by keeping a journal, or a blog. It's easier to talk to people online because you have the protection of anonymity. It can be good practice for speaking out in day to day life.

[littlelovely]

Thank you... that really helps. I know I just need to get the ball rolling and then I'll be a bit more comfortable saying what I need to say.