[youOme]

My mom, me, and my little sister have basically been the only ones we could depend on almost our entire lives yet we are competitive. I didn't realize this until my husband sort of pointed it out to me. It makes sense.

Not that I'm the one who isn't competitive, in a sense I am too...but my Mom and sister are very competitive towards each other. Like their weight for example. They are constantly competing to see who is thinner. I never cared about that aspect to much, I thought being pregnant twice in a row was a good enough excuse....then, not necessarily now though.

For me and my Mom it's our GPA. Mine has always been a few points lower then her, granted my Mom is a 4.0 student. I'd say something like "I got a B+ on my psych research paper" and instead of saying "that's good", she'd say "Well, I got an A+ on mine"...

As for my sister it's always been boys. Well "always" meaning before my husband. When I was 16, before my hubby, I was with a boy for about a year. We weren't like serious, but we were together and were monogamous with one another if you get what I mean. One day when I was at work I returned home to discover that my boyfriend had come over and him and my sister left. They didn't return till the next day. I knew immediately by the way my sister was implying that she had my boyfriend. It pleased her to devastate me.

What can I do to stop this behavior? I tried biting my tongue and doing the opposite effect. Nothing has changed though. I'm tired of not being good enough for them.

[RozG]

Have you tried sitting down with them and telling them how you feel? Maybe they're not even aware you feel like this...or maybe not aware you feel this strongly?

[sabby]

Old habits do die hard sometimes. It's possible that they are unaware of the competitive comments they make.

Maybe you can very unemotionally say to them, when they make a comment is very simply, "I'm telling you *such and such* to share with you, not compete. Please don't compare this to your standards". I think something like that would stop them in their tracks and give them something to think about. Like I said, it must be done very unemotionally....just matter of factly and then move on to the next thing you want to talk about. It might help


sabby

[wisewoman]

Knowing your family I would just walk away and not do anything. I hope you can tell yourself you are successful as you are caring for yourself and children and getting an education. You are not like them and you have no cause to compete. Do the best you can and do well. It's all you can do.