[LadyWyndh]

I grew up ina very unstable home.I also grew up loving my father very much until my image of him was shattered after i saw the real him.He was a acoholic and wife/daugther beater. I had a older sister who he beat and never laid a hand on me.Now i'm 16 and in school.I like guys but my fear of rejection and fear of them hurting me, holds me back .In my mind and i know i'm wrong thinking this but i think that they will grow up to be my dad.I'm just scared to open up to some one and afarid that they will hurt me...i have closed my heart nad even when i say i love u to my family members in my heart i know i don't mean it...i have tried to get over this fear but i can't i was hoping for some advice..anything that unfrezze my icy heart.
thank you very much
LadyWyndh

[darkeyes]

Sorry to hear about this,I'm going to have to give you my same advice as I give many, see if you can get into some type of counselling, so many families deal with this, my grandmother had this situation with her first husband, she was quite and still is (she's 93) a strong person, she left him because of his drinking and abusing her and my mom when she was a little girl, back in the 1920's women just didn't do such bold things, but she went on her own, worked in sweatshops to support her and my mom, later she met the grandfather I always knew as grandpa, things turned out good for her this time she had a great relationship with him, unfortunately he passed away about 9 years ago.
Today family counselling can help you work through this, my mom didn't have this opportunity back in those days and grew up to have a "icy heart" towards men, I think over the years it grew colder towards my dad, sad for him he was never a drinker but could be difficult, what was even sadder she wasn't even sad when he died 11/26/02.
You can check with Family Services, your school, even try a local hospital to see if they have a Behavioural Health dept. that refer you to someone. Though it is hard try not to let this ruin your years to come, you may miss out on some beautiful parts of life . . .it's yours for the taking.
Take care now,
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[mj14]

LadyWyndh, I think darkeyes' advice is excellent...a good counsellor could really help you find ways to trust again.

But I did want to add that you are not alone in that feeling...if you stay awhile here at the forum, you will see that many many people who have been hurt or abused by those who were supposed to love them the most find it very difficult to open their hearts and expose them again. I think one thing that is very important to helping you "unfreeze" your heart is to take it very slowly. Try to find someone you can "like" so you can establish something between feeling love and feeling nothing. When you feel like you can open up to someone, share little bits at a time, so you don't take a big emotional risk until you have some behavior back from them that you can trust them. Also, this may sound sexist, but I think it helps to start by trying to form a good, trusting, female - female friendship, before you worry about opening up to males. The reason I say this is not because women are more trustworthy, but it is just so easy for romance or sex to intrude on opposite sex friendships.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.

*hugs*
mj

[Zenobia]

I would like to add to the previous responses that your heart is not made of ice. It is warm and beating inside of you just waiting to love but you have learned to hide behind walls to protect yourself. This is ok. You did it to stay safe. Your challenge now is to learn how to build new bounderies are strong enough to be safe within but flexable enough that they will allow you to feel those feelings of love that are buried deep inside you.
Take care,
Carrie

<font color=green>Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings.--Elisabeth Kubler-Ross