[sadeyedlady]

Hi Everyone:

I hope you can give me some much needed insight on this situation, it's been eating me up for the past week.

I recently met an old school friend (male) at a concert last Summer, I had not seen this person in about 16 years, a really long time. Nice thing is this person is the one who originally turned me on to this particularly amazing artist, and I have so much in common with this person as well. We are also of the same background, nationality.
He is the one who approached me at the show, and said I never changed in all these years. A really nice surprise meeting, it truly warmed my heart.
BTW, we live 7 hours away from each other.

Okay so strangely enough, many months later, I was in a parade (Irish) in my town, and guess who calls out to me, it was him!! I had to step out of line in the parade and go see him, first thing he did was give me a huge hug, and took a really nice picture of me. I was surprised once again.

He drove 7 hours to get to the parade, never saw him there before, and it was in my town. Did he come to see me in it. I mentioned on our last meeting that I was really involved in our community, so perhaps? I cannot explain it.

This is getting longwinded, sorry, my dilemma here is the following: He does not have my phone number (it is unlisted, I don't know if he's tried calling me or not??), but I am wondering if I should try to get in contact with him Write a letter, I am a bit shy at calling. He did not give me his number, but I sense he might like to hear from me, but don't know, I'm kind of reserved, and not that upfront.
I was thinking of sending him a mini hi letter, nice to see you at the parade, thanks for taking the picture, and attaching a card I will make with our favourite artist on the front.
Any ideas, I really am attracted to this guy, and we go back a long way. Is writing a note too forward

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[splash]

Hi sadeyedlady,

I'm probably not the best person to give relationship advice or to say whether something is "too forward" or not, seeing how I suffer from "foot in mouth" disease.

However, I am a big proponent on communication. Unless we know the facts, we really only have our thoughts and opinions on which to base our decisions. So, my advice would be for you to do some fact gathering. I don't think it's too forward to send a little note saying it was nice to see you. How well do you know this person? I might be a little hesitant about providing too much personal information.

Seven hours seems a bit of a drive. Did you have the opportunity to ask him what brought him to town? I would think about the questions I would have for him. To me, writing is the easiest. I'm shy, too.

Take care, and keep us posted.

splash

[sadeyedlady]

Hi Splash:

Thanks for your reply, i really appreciate it.

Okay, here's a bit more information.
I've know him since high school, so he knows who my family are, my brother, and I know his uncle as well. He's same nationality as myself as well, so there is alot of connection there.
I think he may have always had a crush on me, but am not sure.
In the letter (still thinking if this is a good idea, i too am a big proponent of communication) I plan to say hi, nice to see you, thanks for the picture, and include my email, and phone number. I am wondering if I should talk about us getting together for coffee when I'm in his town (may be in a few months, on business). I'm really lost as to what to do. When I was in the parade, I had to keep moving with our group so i did not even have a chance to talk with him, i wanted to kick myself!! He was so sweet at the parade, came toward me a gave me a huge hug, and took a lovely picture, i was really touched.

What do you think?

Thanks again!

Love,
sadeyedlady

[nowheretorun]

Heres what I think, and mind you, Ive been known to give bad advice. I too suffer from "foot in mouth". Writing IS much easier for me. Eventually though, you will need to talk to this man face to face. Are you prepared for that?
Second, men too can be shy, someone has to make the first move. You sound genuine in being glad to see him. If you have his address, send the letter saying exactly that, with a suggestion of a future meeting. I'm assuming he is not a Ted Bundy type, but if he is, disregard all I say. There is NOTHING wrong with telling someone you were glad to see them. It makes feel good, or should, and can get the communication rolling. From there, if it's meant to be, it will be. If you do have a history, it's probably safe to give personal contact numbers. I guess I ve read too many books about crazy, deranged sociopaths to say its always safe to do so. Once you have "broken the ice", things will either move ahead naturally, or you will discover that he is already involved, not interested in that way, or whatever. But unless you try, you will never know.

"This too shall pass...."

[johnx76]

I say go ahead and write him. life is too short and he probably made that trip to see you because he is interested in you to some degree. it seems like the trip was like an investment of kindness towards you. still, play safe if your heart says.

[sadeyedlady]

Hello Everyone:

Thanks for the advice:

So cosensus is that I write, so as I agree as well, and do not want to have any regrets later in life for not doing so, life is really so very short, I will do so next week some time, I need the courage to do so, I am quite the skeptic.

Okay so I'd like your input on my idea, the following:

It will be both our 40th birthdays, so I also thought that might be a nice reason to write as well. Will put happy upcoming 40th, on the card with our fave artist, say thanks that was so sweet to take the picture of me in the parade, and I'll be in your town, (7 hour drive for me, no I'm not putting that part in:-)) I'd like to have coffee or dinner when I arrive in July. My e-mail and phone number. He doesn't have a computer, but maybe he'll find someone who does, never know.
Now my dilemma, he never gave me his phone # or address, so should I mention looking it up or not.

Thanks again for all your advice I really appreciate it, you can be sure I'll let you know how it goes.

[sadeyedlady]

Hi again:

Sorry folks, something I forgot to mention in my last post.
He is single, and uninvolved, that I know.
I think he may be a bit leary or scared, because at the show where he came up to me out of the blue, I was with a male friend, so maybe he thinks I am attached??

[Frances]

Hi Sadeyedlady,

I so recognise your feelings. I will add just a little to the discussion. Many of us recognise our foot in mouth and I wear size 11 so I tend to get them really stuck. I think when we go in we so worry about something we did or said being taken out of context that we continue to add to it when we try to fix it up with explanation. Shoving the foot further in, in our attempt to retrieve it!

I suggest you keep your note brief and unconditional. That is yes, express your delighted surprise to see him again without reading too much into his motivations just yet. Clear communication is important and you can mention your companion in some way that clarifies he's not your partner, to subtly establish you are single. Certainly express your availability to catch up on your next trip to his town. Then leave it there. If he made the 7 hour journey to see you he will likely see his window and take it. If he was there on whatever business and you have not been his motivation he may or may not respond as you anticipated. In any event it is best we don't project too much about what OTHER people are thinking, coz in my experience that's when my foot in mouth rises to excruciating embarrassment.

It sounds like a lovely potential and as for all things continue to be optimistically cautious without attaching too much to the outcome. Please don't think in terms of later regret, in my book, the future will continue to bring opportunities and regrets over could've beens is mis-spent energy.

By no means am I suggesting not to go forward with it, just keep it simple and succinct to avoid any egg on face from jumping to conclusions. For example, I wouldn't bother to explain how you got his address if it was through normal means.

Leeann Womack's words are poignant in her song "I Hope You Dance". GO FOR IT.
Regards Frances.

PS If the ladies would all like to salute the men coz they put themselves on the line for rejection so much more than we do!!

[johnx76]

he may have been intimidated by your friend but most of us modern males are flattered by a woman who is not shy to make contact with us. I can almost promise you that he will barely care about how you found him. he will probably be too busy looking forward to contacting you and seeing you again. I really hope things work out for you.

[Frances]

Hey there Johnx76,
you clicked on the last entry not Sadeyedlady, so your post arrived in my mail this evening.

You are absolutely right Johnx76. I can testify to that very experience happening this very week! Monday last week I said to friends I need introductions coz I don't get out and about.

Monday evening I was given the number of a chap they reckon they were going to 'set me up' with a couple of years ago. I took the number and text him Tuesday explaining who I was and why I was calling. We dated for the next evening!

Wednesday other friends by chance introduced me to a different chap and we arranged a date for next Friday night! Meanwhile the first chap and I went for a blind date Wednesday evening at a bookshop cafe. We had a very pleasant time, me with my 20 questions!! So he invites me out for Saturday night and we went to a fabulous restaurant bar with a great blues band. I haven't had such a good time in ages. We made another dinner date for this Wednesday.

Today, Tuesday one week after my bold first phone call I called chappie no.2 to reneg next Friday (as chappie no.1 and I are getting along like a house on fire). All that from one text message that my girlfriend discouraged me from making, saying she couldn't believe I was so forward! Neither could I!!!

Guys extend themselves all the time and us chicks sit back waiting. I would do it again and my new friend says it put a smile on his dial getting an invite out of the blue from an unknown woman!!!

Very early days but we have already made arrangements to celebrate our mutual birthdays next month. There is a skip in my step this week and my girlfriend is still going on about it. Admittedly I might have been feeling a tad despondent if I had two knock backs instead of two positive responses. Nothing ventured nothing gained. As I said in the last post, I salute the guys for putting their egos on the line so often.

So that's my exciting week folks, Sadeyedlady be inspired. My caution for you Sadeyedlady was simply not to presume too much about how or why your friend was at the festival, just enjoy that he was and go from there.

Regards Frances.
Still trying to eat right sleep right and play hard though I missed my swim this morning.

[sadeyedlady]

Hello Folks:

Thanks for all the inspiration, it is doing me wonders I can tell you, I feel like a little schoolgirl!!!!!

Frances so happy for you that things are going well, great going!! More power to you!!

BTW, Frances, the festival/show was to see our fave artist, I know he liked him, but I think he was very surprised to see me there cause he had no idea I liked the same artist. When we met there at the show, I told him that he was the inspiration for me in exploring this artists repertoire, he seemed very happy about that.

John thanks for giving me the go ahead, I am shy, but I am also a very direct person, I call things as they are.

Okay so I decided to do a rough draft of the letter last night, here goes, see what you think.

Hi again:
Okay here's a rough draft of the letter so far, tell me what you think??

Firstly, I hope the enclosed reached the intended recipient, if not my sincerest apologies, please disregard.
(Do I really need to include that, I am pretty sure it is the correct address, I do not want to phone his house to make sure, what if he answers???)

Dear X

Hope this day finds you well!

Thought I would drop you a note as I did not have the opportunity to communicate with you at the parade. Surprised to see you there!
Hope you enjoy the picture of me! (should i ask for a copy of it???)
I was asked to do Irish dancing after the parade, Mom and Dad were there as well, so it was truly a fun-filled time indeed, hope your celebrations were equally enjoyable!

A dear family friend of mine, who was in the parade with me, knew your father well, grew up with him, had fond memories. Thought you might like to know, his memory was indeed kept alive during the St. Patrick's festivities.

On another note, I will be in your town on business, July 18th.
How about you and I meet up?? I have to check in on things at the office there and make sure everything is going as scheduled.
I will be there myself, no car, as I am taking the train, so I'll rely on the public transport and cabs to get around, or rent a car if need be, but the transport there is great anyway!
(note that I put the word myself, so he would not get the idea that I was with anyone, or attached like he may think.)

I'll sign off for now, hoping we can expand on our lives for the past 23 years (yes, can you believe it!) when I arrive in your town on July 18th. I'm in the process of finalizing my plans at the moment.

Take good care, and I look forward to hearing from you!

All the Best,
sadeyedlady

Here are my coordinates
sadeyedlady
address
phone number
e-mail

Okay so throw your likes and dislikes my way!

[Frances]

Hi again Brighteyes,

please excuse my presumptuous name change!!

I'll take your invitation to comment candidly ...too much and too formal in my book. Even a little awkward. I suggest bright and breezy. Something like:

Dear abc,

It was such a lovely surprise to see you again. I really wish I had more time to chat but my friend xyz and I had to keep moving with the parade. Next time you are in town please call so we can get together properly and I'll show you some lmntown hospitality!

I had a great time chatting to rst, a lovely dear friend and he was telling me all about his youth growing up with your dad. Old home week! Small world isn't it?

Work will take me to opq July 18, I'll be coming in on the train. We could meet for coffee/drinks/dinner, there is so much to catch up on.

As I said it was great to see you again and I am really looking forward to July if we can coordinate. Give me a call and we can make arrangements.

Till then stay safe.
Fondly Brighteyes.
(contacts)

I think forward and friendly? What do you think Jonhx76, we need a man's comments too?

Regards Frances.
PS Brighteyes, we are on a public forum!

[sadeyedlady]

Hi Frances and John:

Thank you kindly for the input I truly appeciate it.

Okay, I agree with you, indeed, and perhaps too formal.
So I am going to take your suggestion.
Too bad he doesn't have e-mail, or a computer for that matter.
He beter get with the new millennium:-)

As far as the content of the letter, I think i should leave out the details and just make it breezy, as you suggest, just to the point!

Okay a few things that put another perspective on this situation that I found out yesterday from my dear friend Jer who was with me at said concert where old friend approached me first:

My memory must be getting foggy, or I forgot this stuff:

Jer told me that my old friend flat out invited himself to my house here when he would arrive here in my town, said he was pretty direct about it, and that I was kind of taken back by it. Wow, I still don't remember that, but anyhow wasn't that pretty forward of him?? We were in his town but he didn't ask us to come over to his house, but anyhow, I would never ever invite myself to someone's house, guess I respect other peoples privacy and space. I think if I were alone he would have invited me over though, were it not for me being with Jer.
Okay the other thing Jer told me that boggles me is that
I told him I was with Jer for 10 years (as a friend!!!) but I don't know if it came across like that?? Jer and I are good buds so it would look like we are very close.
What I do remember is talking about all our old school days and how he introduced me to this particular artists music and how we had many conversations back then, and how coincidental it was that we ran into each other a few times after that. We talked, as he did, so much so, that he was keeping me from seeing the show which was just starting, I said, gotta go now. This is coming back to me now. I also turned around as we approached our exit, and caught him checking me out.
So what do you think of him showing up at that parade, out of the blue, taking my picture, and a huge hug after explaining all this??
Also if he did think I was with someone that long, did he have nerve inviting himself over, and coming to parade? Or does he still think he has a chance?
Now this puts a whole different spin on things.

I was going to change the letter a bit and send it and get it over with once and for all, but now I am a little perplexed as to what to do.
Any ideas folks??

Qutie confused at the moment.

BTW, Frances, love the Brighteyes!

Love,
Sadeyedlady,
Brighteyes!

[nowheretorun]

Sorry to interupt and try to change oars mid-stream, but Im feeling a little out there tonight. Sadeyed, I really think you need to use your own words, in your own way to attempt this. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where Kramer becomes infatuated with the librarian? It turns out Newman is a natural poet. He hides behind the bookshelf giving Kramer lovelines and Kramer repeats it to the librarian. Its just hilarious. Kramer gets the words all mixed up, then cant hear and leans towards the bookshelf, knocking all the books off so the librarian can nsee Newman hiding on the other side. Its a fiasco! If you use someone elses words, youre not being yourself. What if your man notices some incongruence? It really sounds to me you are micro-rehearsing something that you are just plain scared, nervous, and anxious about. Why? Would honesty at all be worth considering? I only say this because Ive been where you are. All the rehearsing in the world does not prepare you for that spontaneous moment when he asks you something you didnt rehearse. Suddenly, you are flat-footed, not knowing what to say, and if like me, feeling very stupid. IMO spare yourself the embarrasment. Just be yourself.

"This too shall pass...."

[Frances]

Hey Brighteyes, I think what might be worth a thought is what is your motivation as opposed to guessing his. What I mean to say is this guy may or may not be making any moves in your direction, his reasons for being anywhere might be unrelated to the opportunity of seeing you. Your meetings do sound very much lovely chance occasions, not contrived.

As for your motivations, ask are you interested in this guy because you think he's a nice bloke you would like to know more. Or are you interested because you think he might be interested? Personally I believe we often give undue attention to flattery and inadvertently find appeal in an otherwise unappealing picture based on our own pumped feelings we get through being the subject of flattery.

Either way your letter is simply an ice breaker not any sort of comittment and so long as you don't attach too much to the outcome you will protect yourself from undue disappointment.

Nowheretorun has made a noteworthy comment about being natural and that is always a good start to all things. Not withstanding that, I have consulted my style police family and friends for their opinions about things too. My mother even goes so far as to not offer advice because "you will do what you want in the long run so why waste my time". I don't think it is a waste if we are engaged in consideration of the opinions of others, it is though unfortunate if we don't then choose for ourselves what we wish to take from it or not.

My main comment here is simply don't hinge too much on what you think he thinks. It is seldom a succesfull approach if we base our choices on second guessing someone else. Some good questions before you proceed: Do you like what you know of this fellow? Would you give dating him a second thought if you didn't suspect him of perving, that is would you be interested if you hadn't felt that he was interested first? And another big one in my book, have you considered the distance is a real snag to any potential relationship?

Fond regards Frances.
PS I may have had two bites but I dropped one because I thought I had a fresh catch (I'm not greedy!) and this morning I threw that one back coz after a particularly insensitive comment on his part, I considered the serenity prayer and surely I am old enough (and supposedly wise enough) to know the difference!! Easy come easy go. I'll make other arrangements for my birthday!!

[kayannarose]

Frances, and sadeyes, and John, and the rest:

I agree that the note needs to be very casual and breif. And, Frances, I really liked your rendition. I think it was perfect.

Men have, throughout history, have had the burden placed upon them to make the 1st move. Isn't it wonderful that it's the 21st Century, and it's perfectly acceptable that us "nice girls" can now make the 1st move?

As to motivation: Sadeyes, what's in your heart? I again agree with Francess: Are you excited because he seemed to search you out? And he could have been an Alien from Mars, but he gave you attention? I think, reading your notes, that he's much better than that. If your motivation is that you are attracted to him, and you would like to see if there could be something started, then yes, jump on it!

I'm excited for you, Sadeyes! This could be the start of a new and wonderful romance. And, who knows, this might be the thing that motivates him to buy a computer, just to e-mail and IM you :-) Good luck, and keep us posted!!

Love and Blessings,
Kayanna

[sadeyedlady]

Hello Everyone:

My apologies for not writing sooner, I've been very busy lately.

As far as the letter is concerned, it is completed, and I am going to send it in a couple of weeks.

In the interim, there is a function I am attending that he may show up at (two weeks time), he knows I am very faithful to this particular event. so who knows, maybe he'll show, if so, perhaps we can chat. His uncle attends this event as well.

So if he is not there, I'll send the letter following that, and I'll be done with it!!

I am indeed interested in him, and I like to take things slow, so getting together with him for coffee and taliking about life for the last long while will be a great start.

Let's see what happens, and you know I will fill you in if he shows up at said event, and of course when I send the letter and the outcome.

Many thanks everyone, you are so very sweet.

Blessings,
sadeyedlady

[sadeyedlady]

Hello Everyone:

My apologies for not writing sooner, I've been very busy lately.

As far as the letter is concerned, it is completed, and I am going to send it in a couple of weeks.

In the interim, there is a function I am attending that he may show up at (two weeks time), he knows I am very faithful to this particular event. so who knows, maybe he'll show, if so, perhaps we can chat. His uncle attends this event as well.

So if he is not there, I'll send the letter following that, and I'll be done with it!!

I am indeed interested in him, and I like to take things slow, so getting together with him for coffee and taliking about life for the last long while will be a great start.

Let's see what happens, and you know I will fill you in if he shows up at said event, and of course when I send the letter and the outcome.

Many thanks everyone, you are so very sweet.

Blessings,
sadeyedlady

[sadeyedlady]

Hello Everyone:

My apologies for not writing sooner, I've been very busy lately.

As far as the letter is concerned, it is completed, and I am going to send it in a couple of weeks.

In the interim, there is a function I am attending that he may show up at (two weeks time), he knows I am very faithful to this particular event. so who knows, maybe he'll show, if so, perhaps we can chat. His uncle attends this event as well.

So if he is not there, I'll send the letter following that, and I'll be done with it!!

I am indeed interested in him, and I like to take things slow, so getting together with him for coffee and taliking about life for the last long while will be a great start.

Let's see what happens, and you know I will fill you in if he shows up at said event, and of course when I send the letter and the outcome.

Many thanks everyone, you are so very sweet.

Blessings,
sadeyedlady

[Frances]

GO GIRL