[teejai]

Last week my mother was in her somewhat inebriated 'Grande Dame' mode and told me that that she was going to give the my brother.sister,and i some money to put in our bank accounts.
Personally i have not asked her for anything unlike my sister who has a way of dropping very unsubtle hints especially since my mother is in the process of inheriting her late aunt's money.

What has peeved me is that she is going to give a little extra to my brother because he stays with her in light of the things he does. I know i am probably being childish and silly but when she said this i got quite hurt though i bit my tongue and said nothing.
Given that she was quite well oiled it would have meant more trouble than it was worth if i had.

I guess it hurts and feels like a bit of a slap in the face because although i am not there all the time it feels like all the stuff i do do such as doing her online shopping etc and the stuff i did when my brother wasn't seeing her that much doesn't count for much.
Also it brings home just how much of a 'favourite son' my brother is . Don't get me wrong they argue like anything and have at times a quite intense love/hate relationship going on but there's a closeness there that i don't share with her.

It also hurts(not that i did it for that reason) because while she was ill and in hospital for 6 months i was the one who was traipsing in almost every day to see her and getting things wanted she whilst my brother and especially my sister came in less frequently.

I of course haven't said anything to my brother as it's not his fault she's planning to do this but as said i do feel peeved about it .
I think most of all because it brings home the different degree of feeling she has for the two of us.
I think most parents have a 'favourite' though they usually deny it or try not too much to show it .
It's nothing new to me that my brother is my mother's favourite and my sister my father's but the knowing is one thing the having it spelt out another.

[Perna]

Yes, that's crummy that she said anything. I'd put it up to the well-oiled aspect and maybe she was wishing for a bit of an argument with someone and you happened to be there :-)

I have an aunt who constantly changes around her will, sometimes I'm in (in last place) and a year or two ago when my wayward cousin (my aunt's brother's daughter, not her own; my aunt is 87 and never married) decided to show up again (she disappears for 5-10-20 years at a time) she was "needy" so my aunt put her in the will and that meant I was out since I'm not so needy.

I would think of it a little bit like that; maybe she sees your brother as more needy than you; that you can take care of yourself better and have it more together? With giving things away, it's never going to be "fair" because our ideas of fair and other people's usually don't match. Even when people get the same amounts there will be problems with little personal effects, someone getting something another wanted, and all that.

Do you know your mothers' will/estate? It could be that there is a "surprise" in there for you and at the moment, when she's getting her aunt's money, she's only thinking of your brother because he is, at the moment, "there" in front of her often. Some people are shallow like that and can only see what's in front of them. Too, I'd keep looking at the well-oiled aspect; who knows if she'll do what she says and who knows if she'll even remember it, etc.

[teejai]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
Too, I'd keep looking at the well-oiled aspect; who knows if she'll do what she says and who knows if she'll even remember it, etc.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Good point especially as she has known for quite some time that she was going to inherit and used it to try and keep us 'in line' on more than a few occasions ie the 'If you cross me too much' i'll give it all to charity ' emotional blackmail type of thing.

Re neediness let's just say my brother is better equipped, drug induced tendency to paranoia aside, to cope with situations than i am but less willing to make the effort to do so.

He's also a lot more 'focussed ' and self centred when it comes to getting his own way.as is my sister,than i am.

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If you cross me too much' i'll give it all to charity ' emotional blackmail type of thing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Playing this manipulation card would really %#@&#! me off. I'd tell her to keep freaken money. Real kindness and compassion can't be bought.

[Conquistador]

My grandmother used to send me money on my birthday. She stopped doing it a few years ago. Either I could get mad, or I could realize that she probably thinks I am self-sufficient and don't need it any more. A birthday card is what counts now anyway, I make enough money and buy myself enough gifts so it doesn't matter.