[gelman]

Hi!
This might get a little lengthy, so I apologize!

I am a 44 year old divorced man. Not bad looking, in shape, I have a good job, a place to live. Overall my life is pretty good. I am just missing a meaningful relationship in my life. I was in a relationship for 12 years with a chaotic spouse. There was always drama and turmoil around. The drama wasn't present during the courtship. We got married young.

I have met a younger woman (27) who I have known for around two years. Lately, we have become much closer to each other mentally. I think the spark was always there anyway, from the first time I met her. We worked with each other for a year and a half, I stop by her work weekly to say hi.

she has been letting me know lately that she is unhappy in her relationship right now. She says she doesn't get any emotional support from her man. He won't talk to her, or hold her when she just needs a hug. I have been her hug/talk buddy lately. I personally have heard the way her boyfriend talks to her, and it isn't very nice. They have two children together, and he will not marry her.

I really adore her, and she has the most beautiful kids in the world! I am considering making an honest woman of her, if she will have me.

I get the impression that she grew up being raised by her mother, the father being absent most of her life. I am trying to figure out what her interest is in me. Is she looking for a father figure, or is she really interested in me? She knows I have been married before, maybe she is looking for some stability for her and her children?

Please reply with your thoughts. everyone is welcome to respond - this is a big decision in life, and I would appreciate some professional opinions! or if you have some stories to share from personal experience!
If you need more information, please feel free to ask!

[Junerain]

I like the way you describe 'clicking mentally..' and having a spark from the beginning.....that is VERY important without that spark there is nothing I know I have tried to make it work with decent guys with no spark and it doesnt.................it's neat to be hug buddy!! What do you have to lose here?

[sabby]

Hi gelman!

First of all, welcome to PC. I hope you get some good feedback from folks here.

IMO, I think she needs to take care of the relationship she is currently in now before beginning a deeper one with you. If she wishes to leave the man....then she needs to do this for herself and her children...not because the grass looks greener

Does that mean you shouldn't be there as her friend and hug buddy? Heck no....you can still keep that friendship going. But remember one thing....rebounding is a difficult thing and many times the relationship does not work long term. That's not to say that it couldn't....but I believe the odds are against it.

I would hate to see either of you hurt. I've always been a believer in finishing what one started first before moving on. I don't believe it's fair to the individual who is in the bad relationship and certainly not to the one who is looking to step in. In other words....take your time....watch....listen and take good care of you through all of this.

Wishing you well!


sabby

[bonaire]

I agree - be there to support her but wait for her to break free permanently before progressing into any kind of relationsihp with her.

Are the kids his? If so, could be really nasty because he'll want to be around them. If not, then it may be ok once he's out of the picture. Seems like you will have to deal with her baggage. If you two have matching-luggage, things would work out ok. But look at whether you're trying to "help" her or really feel you're compatible. Helping her goes away once he is out of the picture. Then the real work starts in making a relationship work with her and you "in the real world".