[katiescarlett]

I am having a really difficult time with my husband. No matter what I do is not good enough. When we were dating, he was sleeping with his estranged wife. He lies about it right to my face. She is unattractive and overweight (don't get me wrong I am not condeming overweight people) but he said he was atrracted to her. I weighed half of her. But he kept sleeping with her, what did she have I didn't? He was sleeping with me as well. Had I know this before I married him, I never would have married him. I gave up a ton of alimony to be with him. I guess I am still in love with him, but then I think what is there to love? He doesn't pay me any attention, saying I am a "b". We just had a baby four months ago. I am raising his two children plus two of my own. I love my baby very much. But I am wondering if I still love him......he doesn't seem to care about my feelings or anything. He turns down sex all the time. I ask him to do stuff with me, he says "maybe" but then it is always no. He's too tired, he has to watch sports, he has an excuse for everything. He doesn't seem to care about our daughter all that much. My boys have started acting out. I know they sense the tension in the house, but if I told my husband that, he would just blame me. Everything is blamed on me. All I wanted was for him to love me and I thought he did. But now I question it. I have heard from his ex-wife that he is concerned about childcare issues. I am disabled and am basically the parent for his children. The mother doesn't do a lot and he is hardly home. He does work hard and works a lot of overtime. I admire that, however, what happened to me. He used to stay up till 2 am with me, talking, being with each other. But now none of that matters. I am lonely, very lonely. I don't know why I am still here. I love his children, but sometimes, I think, he uses that as a weapon against. me. How can I leave those children? But if I stay, how can I live like this? I have tried everything. I can't win. I have no idea what to do. He doesn't talk to me like he used to. He doesn't care how I feel. But if he wants to be intimate, it's supposed to be fine and be the time. He is saying things that my ex used to say to me. Things he knew my ex said to me. I was mentally abused in my last relationship. Now he is doing the same thing. How can this be? He rode in like a knight on a white horse and now he could care less about me. He calls me fat often. I had a baby four months ago. I am dieting and working out religiously. What more can I do? I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He thinks that being with his extranged wife while we were together is part of his past. But it is part of mine......I am so hurt. I cry alot. But he doesn't know, because when he did know, he would have no parts of me. I have done everything I can to be a good wife. But it wears on me and I do get upset. I am a loving and faithful to him and always have been. But I ask why sometimes, how did I get mixed up in a mess again. I do everything for him. Make him 3 meals a day, get up before he does so he has everything he needs. But not enough. I take the kids to the doctors and do homework, make sure everyone gets to school, but still not good enough. I am trying so hard to make this marriage work, but he doesn't. I am supposed to shut up and put up. I am not that type of person anymore. I can't do this. He wouldn't fight to keep me I know it. So why am I still around? I dont' know. School will be finishing soon. I have some very big decisions to make. I don't even want to be near another man. Actually, if we break up which seems inevitiable, I don't want any man. I have been spinning my wheels for years. I am constantly disappointed, so when he does rarely do something nice, I make it a big deal thinking that will help. He used to sing to me and dance with me and respect me but not more. We have been only married 2 years,how could this happen? I want to crawl up in a ball and disappear. He used to care, but not any more. I know that he would cheat on me in a second if he could get away with it. But I wouldn't even consider it. He was the one. After so many failed relationships, I thought he was the one. He told me I was the one. But I think it was just a line and just a lie. If I didn't have my new little girl, I think everyone would be better without me. But she is defenseless, she needs me. But I also need love from him. Does anyone else have this going on in their life. It is ruining mine. But, he doesn't care. He does what he wants when he wants and leaves me with the kids...because that is the way he thinks it should be. We used to be a team and best of friends. Friends don't hurt each other like this do they? We have the baby's baptism coming up and I am thinking about canceling it. There is no reason for the show he will put on, acting like he is husband and father of the year. I am lost...

[wounded1]

YOU NEED TO GET OUT!!!!! This man is killing your soul! Please, consider what his behavior is doing to the children, they see how he treats you. Sometimes men are good actors, sometimes they create a fantasy, and it's too much work to maintain it, and who they really are comes out.

You sound like a caring, loving person, and you deserve someone who will care for and love you. Don't stay because you're afraid to admit you made a mistake, he's the one who is making a mistake by taking you for granted and treating you poorly. Leave, take care of yourself and your kids, and let him worry about taking care of himself. As for his kids, I would talk to their mom, tell her I was leaving, and ask if you could continue some sort of relationship with them.

What a mess...I am so sorry. You fell in love with the wrong man, but that doesn't mean falling in love is wrong. Try to find your strength and take care of yourself.

CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

[BrnEyedGrl]

katie
If you read some of the other posts in the relationship section you will see there are many of us in a similar situation. It seems to be a popular subject recently and it just makes me so sad that we are all so unhappy. It truly does.
I understand you are feeling lost, alone, unloved, and probably afraid of what the future may hold. Do you have family or friends that you rely on for help and support? I know the only way I have made it this far is by the love of good people.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate besides the troubled marriage. You take care of 5 kids? That has to be stressful Im sure.

You have some big decisions to make. If you think the marriage is worth saving then ask him to go to counseling. If he refuses and you can't live with things like they are (which I don't think you want to), you have to come up with a plan and move on. Take your kids with you and make a better life where the home environment will be more positive and you will be a happier person. That may take a while but it is possible.

In the meantime, try and see a counselor or someone who can help you through all this stress and confusion. Take care...

[embarassed]

You need to get out! Do you have any friends or family you can stay with until you find a place to live?

[june3162199]

listen im a man and im going through the same thing the only thing is my wife wont have my child and she hates my son and have to fight with her for sex so do dont feel alone in this boo trust i understand

[Doh2007]

It's hard being married to someone you can't trust.

[Lenny]

It is so important to remember that this ain't a dress rehearsal..

If your not happy..do something about it...

From one who wasted many trips about our star while wishing for something better...

IMHO.

Lenny