[Psychotic_Phil]

My last relationship with a girl ended in misery on my part and I'm jumping into the fray again, but this time not as fast. The girl Julie has agreed to be my writing partner and I'm already at the point where she says "l love you." Whenever I'm near her I get butterflies in my stomach and a certain feeling in that place if you what I mean...

I don't want to blow it and make myself look like a fool but I want to go out with her. I know I have to play it cool, but in the meantime she's always on my mind. I'm trying to figure out if it's love like last time or lust. I don't think I have the answer and I need to cope with these intense feelings. Any suggestions?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
The girl Julie has agreed to be my writing partner and I'm already at the point where she says "l love you."

You've already got the hardest parts taken care of -- establishing a common interest (and therefore, stuff you can do together) and figuring out whether or not she likes you!

I don't want to blow it and make myself look like a fool but I want to go out with her. I know I have to play it cool, but in the meantime she's always on my mind.

You could always suggest the two of you get together to work on your writing project. Maybe, rather than get together at your home or hers, you could suggest a location that's somewhere in between -- the library seems logical but a little dull. Is there a restaurant or maybe an internet cafe where the two of you could meet up? That would allow the two of you to begin to build on your common interest and find out if you're compatible in other ways as well.

By the way, I think the most common mistake people can make is to pretend to not like the person they do because they feel embarrassed or vulnerable at the idea that others will know. As a result, they end up sending a mixed message and the object of their affection moves on to more certain ground. If you like her, you like her. Liking someone is nothing to be ashamed of and it's not even necessary to explicitly state it -- any sincere compliment will convey your feelings quite adequately.

I'm trying to figure out if it's love like last time or lust. I don't think I have the answer and I need to cope with these intense feelings. Any suggestions?

There's probably different things you can do depending on what kind of feelings you're coping with. It's standard practice to think about the other person quite a bit and to feel some conflicting emotions. A large part of attraction is physical so it's natural to feel that too. I'm told that thinking about baseball is a good means of dealing with all of the above but the other option is just to enjoy the moment as it presents itself. Falling in like, love or lust is usually a fairly enjoyable process and there's nothing wrong with walking around with a great big happy smile on your face either.

Best of luck to you Phil.

[Psychotic_Phil]

Actually she hasn't said I love you, but she seems to be at least partway interested. What I meant was that I've already skipped to that part in my head. We really only have just begun but I least want to be friends if nothing else. I just hope that I can date her and that I have more luck in that department. I don't have any other way to contact her besides school. I think I'm kind of jumping the gun, but I do like her a lot. Whatever, I'll see what I can do...

[TaintedGoth1]

I'd spend more time with her....see how things go for a bit...and if she seems to be flirty with you or interested (smiling, laughing at your jokes, stroking or playing with her hair while she's talking with you) then I'd say telling her how you feel...it could never hurt.

Best of luck to you!

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
What I meant was that I've already skipped to that part in my head.

Ahhh. I understand.

We really only have just begun but I least want to be friends if nothing else. I just hope that I can date her and that I have more luck in that department. I don't have any other way to contact her besides school.

Rest assured, such things always feel a bit awkward in the beginning. Still, you share the common ground of school and writing which means you'll have the opportunity to spend time together. Talking is a good way of exploring other areas of common interest -- you could always ask her about her favorite music, movies, activities, etc. Feel free to ask her questions to get the conversation started but don't hesitate to share information about yourself either, so that she can also get to know you a little better.

[Psychotic_Phil]

Some news; she's dating another guy AND I don't think she cares about being my writing partner. *sigh* Oh well. "The best way to start succeeding is to start failing!" (My doctor Ian Kodish)

Now I'm just rocking out to System of a Down having finished my homework contemplating who can take her place. Hmm...I'll have to think. Thanks for thinking good thoughts!