[quackle]

I am new to this forum... please excuse my lack of proper terminology. Here is my scoop... I have recently started dating this wonderful man. I am 33 and he is 39. My experience with therapy is somewhat limited. He has been through extensive therapy, and is very "aware". I really dig this! I am learning a lot about myself through interacting with him! I feel like this may be the first healthy relationship I have ever experienced. The only problem I tend to have is that he constantly seems to try to "figure" out why things happen. There always has to be a reason WHY things happen. Through his therapy, he has gotten to the "root" of his problems. His dad was an alcoholic, and he seems to do a bit of blaming his problems on his terrible childhood. I just feel unknowledgeable about all of this... but it seems that all of this pinpointing of the past can be counterproductive. Should one focus on the "now"? Please help... I love being with him, I just fear the analysis paralysis. Thanks- Kim

[misty]

Hi Kim Welcome!
hmmm???? Too much therapy? Analysis paralysis that sounds familiar. Some days I want to say yes I don't ever want to go back because all I do is lern of more and more crap that haven't delt with. On the other hand if I didn't , the stuff would continue to effect my life and I'm tired of that and the hurt it has caused my self and the ones I love. Yes, dealing with today is a good thing but I think there's a fine line just like in anything else. I had an ex-sister inlaw and she was counselor who always analyzed everyone all the time. That I believe is crossing the line.

[(JD)]

He sounds like he isn't quite done with his therapy... needing to find the whys still ... maybe you've just caught him as this point in his therapy where he is excited to be putting things together?

[Myzen]

This is a really interesting post subject.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand the point of therapy to be to feel better in the now, to have happier behaviour patterns, to lose the paralysis. To become unstuck.

For me, overanalyzing was a stage in the process, but not the cure stage.

Here is an example: I used to get a trigger, feel bad, behave bad. Then came counselling. I would get a trigger, feel bad, try to find the root, find it and still feel bad - even worse in fact. Now (after years of work) I get a trigger, don't feel so bad, and think "Yes, I know what that is." I then drop it. This happens in a few seconds.

Maybe one day I won't even get the triggers, but it doesn't matter because I can cope with things as they are now.

Good luck Quackle (I like your name by the way)

[quackle]

Thanks for the comments. I guess I feel like he is analyzing me a bit. I think he just wants to let me know what is bothering him, instead of bottling it up. I tend to just try to let thinngs go, and realize that this behavior results in an even bigger problem... -Kim