[Tinna]

Me and my guy have been together for a yr, we have 2 kids. Recently, I was diagnosed with having: GAD,PSTD, ADD,and Bipolar II, This has put a toll on our relationship. He says... he loves me...but that he's not IN love with me anymore. He left for 2 days... said he needed space.... then he came back. He says he wants to take things... one day at a time and that he's confused right now! He said he didnt want to make a mistake...(MEANING) by leaving me. Now that he is back...he just isn't being the man I fell in love with. I'm scared of whats to come. He treats me different now. I feel like he is pulling away. I love this man...and I am willing do whatever it takes to keep him. How should I handle this??

[concerned4stepkids]

Try to keep communication open. Speak from your heart and show him you love him. If he loves you too, it all will work out. Try to keep everything positive be not focusing on problems but on the goods things the two of you have together. You'll both feel better and will build a stronger relationship.

[gordian_knot]

Hi Tinna. How are you dealing with your new diagnoses? Guys are often practical, let's-solve-a-problem thinkers. We are comforted when we see someone come up with a concrete plan and take steps to fix a problem. Have you been prescribed medication? Are you seeing a therapist? If so, does he know you're doing this, and does he know how you're benefiting from it?

[Tinna]

I'm on meds now and seeing a doctor. (2 or 3 months of treatment)Its a tough matter to handle...but im trying my hardest to manage my disorders and still live a normal life. Hard tho with...2 kids..school...work..and my guy. I'm going to keep a positive attitude..and pray that everything works out...I don't want to lose my guy!

[AAAAA]

Is he willing to go to couples counseling? That might help not only your relationship but also learning to deal with your dx. I think the fact that he came back is a good sign don’t you? Don’t lose yourself while trying to keep your man. I wish you both the best of luck.

[Tinna]

Any advice on getting him to go to couples counseling?

[AAAAA]

Well if he came back to avoid the mistake of leaving you, I'd simply say that this is the best plan to get the best possible results. It's also helpful on an individual level, if we don't learn from the mistakes we've made we're bound to repeat them. So just let him know that you're committed to the relationship and you'd like to try counceling.

[Rose3]

maybe if you met with a counsellor yourself - to get acquainted, and then try inviting him to join you at the counsellor's

[Whoabiscuits]

Hello Tinna,

The response from gordian_knot is very true. Guys want to fix what is wrong right away. Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I have anger issues. So I snap very easily over the smallest things. He gets frusterated with me thinking that I dont notice what he does for me. He said, "No matter what I try to do to make it better, you still snap."

I dont think they realize that it is a process and there is no band-aid for it.

So you have been diagnosed with GAD,PSTD, ADD,and Bipolar II, that doesnt necessarily mean that things are going to change between the two of you. That may be what he is afraid of. After some time I think he will come around. Maybe try not to discuss it until he brings it up? Communication is very important. He did come back. He may just be processing and may be feeling frusterated because he wants to fix it and doesnt know how to.

[selfy]

you have to remind him that because you now have these DXes it wont change you. you had them before, its just now they have labels. yeah, guys want things to be sorted now. you need to communicate, its the biggest thing. and also, he DID come back. he obviously does love you and wants to try and sort this out. he njust needs to understand that its not gonna come as quickly as he thought.

[Keebler]

I am glad to hear that you are working toward bettering yourself and took the necessary steps to identify that there are these issues. You should really take a little comfort in knowing that even though he did take a break that he did come back. I can tell your from personal experience that it is very hard on a day to day basis to deal with a partner who has these symptoms. I applaud you for hanging in there and seeking to better yourself and I understand your concern for your relationship. I think if you were to sit down and explain to him that you are aware of the issues and working towards improving them he might feel a little more comfort.

I am currently in a relationship where my bf has bad anger issue and ADHD. He frequently gets mad about stupid little things and spends very little quality time with me because he is alway bouncing around from one thing to another. From time to time when we do get into an argument and I get so frustrated that I do argue back with him we eventually come to an understanding that it was over nothing and he realizes that he needs to work on these problems but to be honest he never really does. I have a hard time dealing with this and am starting to re-evaluate our relationship because it is becoming so stressful for me. I know that if he was to at least attempt to find some way to work on these problems instead of just telling me it's because he has anger issues and ADHD I know I would feel a sense of relief and it would be easier for me to find the energy and patience to continue to work on our relationship.

I understand where the both of you are coming from and I can only imagine how hard it is for your to go though this all and worry about your relationship on top of everything. I understand his point of view and making the statement that he wants to take this one day at a time, but don't fear the worst that he will leave you. I think that might just be his way of saying that he is committed to being there for you and that it's not something that will be quickly solved. So hang in there and best wishes to the both of you.