[Jesil]

Hello everyone! I am new here and have 2 major problems - maybe just one creating the other but at any rate here goes. My story is verrrrry long and complicated but in a nutshell I am very unhappily married and feel like I don't have a single person I can confide in. I have been married for 9 1/2 years and throughout my life have had and lost MANY close friends I believe because of my rocky marriage. See when things got really bad I would go to my friends and drag them in and then our relationships would just fizzle. Now I have a 4 year old son and I am 14 weeks pregnant. My h and I are fighting pretty seriously again and I just don't think I can handle it anymore. I really don't want to leave him because of my son and soon to be baby, but I can't let them live through a crappy relationship either right? Well also I have friends who say they would be there for me as a shoulder to cry on but I don't want the same thing to happen as before, put them in a situation where they don't want to or shouldn't be. But in the same respect I don't think they care as much as they say because when I or we (my h and I) invite them over to our house to play cards or go out to eat, etc. they always decline. Or they say yes and then never show up. It really hurts. So in return I don't think they like me or that I am doing something wrong. I am sorry this is so long but I just need someone to talk to. Please help!

[gloria]

Does your H recognize the marriage need some work? Do you want to do some work for your marriage?

Find out of both of you still want the relationship, that would be my first step... then take it from there.

Enrichment weekends, counseling, support groups, choose what works best for the two of you.

As of your friends, perhaps is not pleasant to be with a couple that doesn't get along... I don't know.

[Jesil]

we've both said we want to and should work on the relationship but i guess we haven't really taken it further than just trying ourselves. I guess it just comes down to being stuck in an awful routine. It's just easier to keep going rather than change anything. I must admit that i'm 50% of that problem. I'd have to agree it wouldn't be pleasant around a bickering couple but I really don't think our friends now have any idea what's going on. They weren't around when we first got married. I haven't filled them in for those exact reasons!

[shaddix]

wahhh!! get outside help!! do it do it . *cheers you on*

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Jesil. Welcome to the forums. It's a good place to come to feel connected to other and get support.

I agree with those who suggest counseling. The forums can't take the place of therapy. If your h will come to work on the relationship, great, and if he won't, do it for you and the kids.

Keep comin'back.