[Impala]

Such messages as eg "Thinking of you" ,maybe every few months-can anyone resist these over time? Can they fail to make someone think they have a true frined whatever has gone on?

[howohsocliche]

As always, it depends!

On how close you initially were, on how far away and busy you are, on how many years its been since you last saw one another, on their typical behavior with friends, etc....

[Perna]

No way to know; they're pretty "innocuous" messages and the other person might just ignore or think nothing at all of them. Too, if the other person wishes you wouldn't contact them, they could make the person feel annoyed/angrier with you.

[Impala]

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Perna said:
No way to know; they're pretty "innocuous" messages and the other person might just ignore or think nothing at all of them. Too, if the other person wishes you wouldn't contact them, they could make the person feel annoyed/angrier with you.

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Thae could say so,couldn't they,if they were so angry,presumably they would?

[Perna]

Why would they? If they don't want to hear from you, wish you'd just kind of "go away" and you keep holding on, they don't want to say anything in case you see it as "communication" and encouragement to keep sending them messages.

If they were polite and knew how to say something they might but your friend hasn't done anything "polite" or friendly for a long time now! And how do you tell someone, "Hey, I don't want to hear from you anymore!" that just sounds so ugly? So not saying anything at all, they just hope you'll quit trying to contact them. If they wanted to be friends, they'd respond to you but since they don't respond, I'd give them up and spend my energy making friends with someone "friendly".

[Impala]

This post wasn't about that particular friend but ,in her case,equally,one could say,she hasn't hesitated to do hurtful things in the past ,so why would she hesitate to say something hurtful if she wanted to?

[Impala]

Anyone else have thoughts on this please?

[KathyM]

Hi Impala

I don't think a "thinking of you" message should carry the expectation of hearing from that person. It's just a statement of how you feel, and you can't dictate the feelings of others. It's completely their choice if they choose to accept your offer of true friendship and respond. If they don't take you up on your offer, at least you know they are aware you think about them on occasion.

People have a right to choose with whom they want to be friends.

[Wants2Fly]

A longtime friend dropped out of my life. We did not have a fight, she just stopped responding. I kept up the phone messages and occasional cards for a year. Then I sent a plant asking if she would tell me what was wrong. I sent a card or two more, but I have respect her decision that she no longer wants contact with me. I feel sad and confused by her decision.

[AllyH88]

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Wants2Fly said:
A longtime friend dropped out of my life. We did not have a fight, she just stopped responding. I kept up the phone messages and occasional cards for a year. Then I sent a plant asking if she would tell me what was wrong. I sent a card or two more, but I have respect her decision that she no longer wants contact with me. I feel sad and confused by her decision.

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Hugs--Wants2Fly

I'm going through the same thing right now. A close friend is the only person outside of my professional 'help' circle who knows of my depression. In fact, it was due to her encouragement that I sought help when I was suffering a major depression earlier this year. It hasn't been as long, but I know she has been communicating with other people in our 'circle' of friends. I don't understand. Just when my self-esteem was starting to improve.

I guess this is a part of life? People come and people go.

[Wants2Fly]

I am sorry that happened to you, too, Ally.

Impala, what are you thinking about your situation after reading these posts?

[Impala]

Wants2fly,thank you for posting (and to the others too).I'm sorry for those having unexplained difficulties with their friends.It's very hard to understand,when we have tried our hardest to be a good friend,not been perfect but not done anything to deserve the treatment we are receiving.

I am probably stupid,naive but I am choosing to believe that my friend did behave the way she did through illness (although there are times when I doubt it and get angry at the way she has behaved towards me).If I ,now and again wish to send a short message saying that I am thinking of her ,what harm does that do? (maybe a little to me as it upsets me to think of how things were),but if I have decided that it is worthwhile-to leave that door open,then ,on balance,I will do so.Occasionally one hears of friendships long thought lost,that are revived.For that to happen,someone must have been the one to get in touch or attempt to maintain contact.