[Drew94]

First off, I am the kind of guy that always needs to be there for my girlfriend whenever she is hurt, sad, or in need. I would do anything for her, absolutely anything. Alot of the time when she gets sad or upset though, I feel like the last person she wants to confide in is me.. she just sits there for hours sometimes with a blank look on her face, crying right in front of me. She wont talk to me, or even acknowledge me sometimes. I hate it, I cant stand it. I am just left there next to her with my mind tormenting me. I truly love her with all that I am, but she just puts me into this silence any time she is hurting. I wont leave her, but I cant take it anymore. Its making me depressed.... deeply depressed and I dont know what to do. Please.. if anyone knows what I should do, or is also going through this same thing, please tell me or help me...something, anything. Today she went to a parole meeting for someone that hurt her when she was young, and I couldnt be there for her because her family wouldnt allow it. When she was done she told me that she didnt even want to come over to talk, even though she had been crying all day. She absolutely hates her family and never wants to spend time with them. She is always over at my place, practically day and night every week.... I dont understand whats going on... why wont she just let me be there for her? I feel so helpless and lost.

[Leed]

It sounds like she is in DEEP pain, and she feels talking about it would only hurt more. That isn't necessarily true -- but sometimes we prefer not to go into the past because it IS so painful.

She really needs therapy -- is she in therapy right now? If she's not, try to persuade her to go!!! She has obviously been deeply hurt in the past and she won't get past it without some help. If she can't afford it, have her talk with Social Services and see if she'd qualify for help. She might qualify for Medicaid, and if not -- then there might be some emergency-type help available to get her the help she needs. But make sure she follows thru, cause she certainly sounds like she's in dire straits!

I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[RomanSunburn]

Does she let you touch her at all when she goes into one of those states? Maybe you could simply hold her hand, wrap her in a blanket it if it's cold, or pet her head (that's one of my personal favorites when I'm upset). Does she respond if you say something to her? Does she say anything at all when she comes out of them? Have you tried talking to her after the fact?

I agree with Lee, I think you should see if she would be willing to find therapy. Along the lines of not being able to afford it, I recently found a place though my county that actually covers all of my expenses, so definitely look around if she's having trouble finding something she can afford. Also, the NAMI branch here has a group especially for friends and family members of consumers.

Maybe just keep reiterating how much you love her, and that no matter what is going on in her head or what has happened in her past, you will still love her, be there for her, and support her.

Good luck. You sound like a great boyfriend, very caring and supportive! Someone so many of us could use in our lives!

[faerie_moon_x]

You sound like a very good guy. It would be so good to know that someone is there, even to sit and silence and just be there.

Sometimes the pain is too much to communicate. Sometimes no one has ever cared at all, so there is no ability to trust, because you're just expecting to be blown off again. Sometimes you don't know how to reach out.

I don't think this is something you should internalize. You just need to be steady and let her know you're there. When she's ready she will open up.

But, I agree. You would be a great person to have in life! But, also, take care of yourself. Don't forget you when carring for others.