[seeker1950]

My daughter and her family are coming here to attend a family reunion with my ex and his new wife. She's not new, actually, been married for several years now. I was talking to my daughter about it today, because daughter mentioned she'd be staying here with me at nights just so she can escape the in-laws.
The ex's mother and sister were always very cold to me, though if they'd visit, they'd take over in my kitchen like I wasn't there, not engaging in conversation with me, etc., and often saying hurtful things. I asked my daughter how Pam, the new wife, handles this. She said..."Oh, she's pretty rude!" She threw a whole glass of ice water on the sister while sister was complaining! I was floored to hear of this!
Hey, I was a wimp when I was married to him!
Patty

[Wants2Fly]

But that's rude, don't you think? I'm not sure throwing a glass of water on another person is the way I'd choose to handle a bad situation. I'd like to leave feeling proud of myself, not bad.

[thelostone]

are you on good enough terms with her to give her a "you go girl"? cause that sounds like it deserves one.

lost

[seeker1950]

You're right, Wants, it IS rude, but having experienced the in-laws for 20 years, I know there is no way to leave and feel good about yourself. They don't even hear what the wife has to say, ignore her, and don't acknowledge her. They take over when the come to visit, and I suspect this was Pam's way of dealing with it. She's a big ol' country girl who swears like a sailor, smokes though the inlaws disapprove, and doesn't give a %#@&#!. How my ex, who is so uptight and controlling chose to marry her, is beyond my comprehension.
Patty

[seeker1950]

thelostone...No, I'm not on good enough terms with Pam to communicate with her about the inlaws. I think she felt threatened and insecure around me the couple of times I met and talked with her. But she's her own person, secure in her ways, and I think she deals with the inlaws much better than I ever did!
Patty

[seeker1950]

I have to add this. I've been thinking about the ex inlaws a lot lately, and feeling like I was too sensitive and that I was at fault, even thinking I should write to them and tell them my feelings about this. I told my daughter this today, and her reply was very insightful and interesting. She said that the one time her father-in-law had said something not nice to her, that her husband had quickly put him in his place, supporting her. My ex never did that, never. It was always my imagination, or my fault, and she acknowledged this, saying her dad should have been more supportive of me.
I've never tried to taint my daughter's opinion of the inlaws, her grandmother and aunt. She sees them for how they really are!
Patty

[thelostone]

your daughter sounds like an intellegent young lady. and she is right. you did the right thing to try not to taint her opinions, because children always grow up, and they form their own opinions. jmho

lost

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Thelostone,
I also want to add, that in no way, thinking of writing to my inlaws was in any way related to my ex. I am happy for him in his new life and marriage. We had a rather amicable divorce by most standards since I let him write the divorce agreement sans lawyers.
Patty

[Doh2007]

That's too funny! I so relate.

[seeker1950]

On the one hand, I acknowledge to myself that I was never accepted by them, but many years have passed now since I divorced. On some very basic level, I feel compassion for the inlaws. I don't know why.
It's much like how I was able to take care of my mother lovingly during her terminal illness, I think. My mother, who had been quite abusive to me all the while I was growing up.
Patty