[Kayleigh]

How do I get people to talk to me, and how do I trick them into thinking I don't suck at life? Even in the chats here, either I'm not part of the conversation, or I am, and everyone starts to leave the chat.

[shaddix]

you're a goofball, just talk about whatever, no need to trick people into anything, i'll reply again later sorry i have to go to T now <3s

[Myzen]

How do I get people to talk to me, and how do I trick them into thinking I don't suck at life? Even in the chats here, either I'm not part of the conversation, or I am, and everyone starts to leave the chat.

Hi Kayleigh,

I know the feeling and the history; esthersvirtue mentioned about wanting people to like us. I've been through all this. One sure thing,the more we want people to like us, the more we are setting up to get hurt. I've died a few deaths on this front, and taken some agonising rejections.

Life has been better for me for quite a while. I've been letting go of this 'wanting' and just focus on liking myself. Anything after that is a bonus. In a social situation I try to switch off the 'please like me!' thoughts and just be in my own place, maybe with a friendly smile. I can just about get through a party situation these days, something I couldn't do for years on end.

Kayleigh, it's good to hear from you and thanks for a useful post that's touches so many of us here.

Good thoughts, Myzen.

PS - I' m still scared rigid of 'chat', went in once and haven't been back. It's not easy to stand around smiling in chat, because no one can see you!

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Kayleigh -- Lack of people skills troubles me, too. I am especially hurt when people say things such as, "I thought you were intimidating when I first met you" or students' evaluations that call me distant and cold.

Inside, I am a quivering mass of scared jello. If jello can be scared. Probably a lot braver than me.

I sometimes feel the same in chat -- as if everyone has something to say, except me. Plus there's the lag time. By the time I think of something to say, conversation has moved on. Now that I think of it, that happens in 3D conversation too.

I think Myzen is on to something about accepting ourselves. One tip I learned from a people skills book is to find someone at a party, chat, etc., who looks even more uncomfortable than you are. Approach, ask person about himself, herself. Makes 2 people a bit more comfortable, and sometimes I meet someone nice.

[Malady156]

as far as chat goes, the easiest way I've found is just to join in on an existing conversation. make a sympathetic comment about something someone else says, or offer a constructive idea, or if you can relate to what they said and share the same feeling or experience, share a little about yours. all those things can break the ice.

ppl in chat here are pretty nice and very accomodating to let others into the conversation i have found.