[kmm630]

Hi everyone, I'm 16 years old and I have a problem I'm hoping you can help me with. I don't even know if this is the right place to be posting it, so please forgive me if it isn't.
Anyway...I think I may have Avoidant Pesonality Disorder. I've always been extremly shy and had trouble making friends and such even though i long for relationships. About a year ago, I finally found someone who really cares for and loves me. We can tell eachother anything, but we always talk online. I talk to him more online than I do in person...in fact, I almost never talk to him in person. He just turned 16 recently
and got his drivers licence. He was so excited to finally be able to take me on a "real date" so the first chance we got (which was saturday) we decided to go to the movies. That's where the problem began. I got in the car and I found myself afraid to say anything. Not just a little nervous either...my hands shook and I felt sick to my stomach. I felt so awful I just wanted to go home. It was so weird. Here i was spending the afternoon with someone i love and can talk to very easily online, and i was terrified. Later that evening when i was talking to him online he asked me what was the matter i told him about my fear brushing it off as normal. He replied with "Kristi, thats not normal...are you sure there's nothing else bothering you? You were like a totally different person today, i felt like i didnt even know you..."
I started to just surf the web, came across a personality disorder test, and decided to take it to prove to myself i was normal even though i couldn't think of anything that was bothering me. Well, i took the test and when i got the results back it said everything was low acept Avoidant which was Very High. I tried to convince myself that online tests are stupid, but as i read down the list of symptoms i realized that i did every single one. I then read the personal story of a woman who has been diagnosed with APD. She sounded so much like me...
The problem is i dont know where to go from here...i dont even know if i really have APD. I am just a teenager and i tend to overreact to situations, plus one comment a friend of mine once told me keeps coming to mind "the person with a mental disorder is always the last one to know". The woman who's story i read said she didnt realize what a problem she had untill much later than 16. I haven't told my parents what i think yet, i'm afraid they will be ashamed of me...i keep telling myself thats silly, but im still afraid. the only person i've told is Brian (the one who figured out something was wrong in the first place) and i did that online. he thinks i need therapy, but im not sure. im afraid ill go in and the therapist will tell me im just going through normal teenage changes. i just dont want to be like this way. im afraid ive disapointed Brian and i dont want to hurt him, i dont want myself to hurt any longer either.
I want to thank you all to listening to me...im sure im probably just worried over nothing.

[mj14]

kmm, if this is bothering you, and if it is affecting your relationships with other people, then it would be a good idea to talk to a professional about it. Even if it is "normal teenage stuff", there is no reason for you to have to suffer through shaking hands and nausea when you are with someone, and a therapist or counselor can help you learn skills to deal with your feelings so you can be more comfortable around other people.

If you can talk to your parents and ask their help in finding a therapist, that is terrific. If you don't feel like you can talk to them, then you can talk to a school counselor and they should be able to help you.

No matter whether you have APD or not, you are hurting, and you should not have to suffer like that.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.
*hugs*
mj

[Chantel]

It sort of bothered me that Brian right away had to say you are not normal. Who is he to judge, is all I have to say. I think you sound normal to me but if you really want to verify it maybe see a school counselor and just talk about it. Can't hurt and many people do that. May it get better for you.

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard