Internet love

So I met this wonderful person...oh 9 months ago when we were really down, we talked online all summer, and about 2 months ago we began to speak daily or almost daily on the phone! and since then I've gotten strong feelings for him we've even said the "L" word to each other. However, we've never met, it is possible to love without having met in person? Plus I don't know how practical this relationship is because he's 13 years older than me. Plus the fact of explaining to everyone where we met. Any thoughts?

Spazkatt, I think meeting a love online has possibilities and obstacles just like meeting someone in 3D. I have found that sometimes it's easier to get to know the inner person when you meet them for the first time online, but it is also easier for someone to hide things about himself. But you can find that someone you meet in 3D doesn't turn out to be the person you initially thought, too...I know that's happened to me plenty.

I've known people who've met their true love online, and I know people who thought they did, and ended up getting burned. Pretty much like the 3D world. The important thing is to make sure you are careful.

As far as the age difference, it seems that matters more or less depending on your ages. I mean, if you're 18 and he's 31, that's a big difference, but if you're 30 and he's 43, then it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But if you are contemplating something long term, you need to realize that when you're 60 and he's 73, the difference seems big again. The issue is whether you are willing to accept the added challenges of that age difference. My uncle was 11 years older than my aunt, and it was difficult on her as they got older and his health declined. But I know she wouldn't have traded her marriage to him for anything in the world. Statistically, marriages with more than 5 years difference in age are more likely to fail, but that's just statistics...there are lots and lots of very good happy marriages with big age differences.

I guess I gave you a lot of "it depends" in my reply. But I think that's the basic message no matter how you meet someone. Almost all relationships have obstacles, and you just need to be aware of them, and decide if the person is worth overcoming those obstacles.

Good luck.
Jo

Dear SpazKatt -- Please be careful. Predators lurk online.

Please remember that predators are sociopaths. They make people like them. They are con artists. All those women who went alone into the dark night with serial killer Ted Bundy did not go because they had a "bad feeling" about him -- they went because they were lulled into complacency. He was attractive-enough-looking. He was nice. What bad could happen by letting him walk them to their cars? Bundy is not the only one.

Again, please be very, very careful about this. If you are tempted to meet him, you must go in as big a group as you can put together.

If you are scared to tell people how you met, that it a red warning flag. You should not have to be ashamed of meeting someone online -- unless there are other red flags about this friendship. Perhaps even signals that you are picking up on unconsciously. If you believe in Guardian Angels and such -- your GA prompting you to ask questions and think this through before you do something potentially dangerous.

You sound young, and someone 13 years older than you can be a huge age gap.

Yes, SpazKatt, I believe that people can fall in love without knowing each other very well. I have a thought about it, only it's not mine, it's a thought borrowed from the writer, M.M. Kaye. I don't have my file of quotations with me, but this is a close paraphrase:

"It's not hard to fall in love with someone you don't know well. In fact, the less you know about 'em, the easier it is."

We fill in the gaps of what we know with what we wish -- gestalt, fantasy, call it what you will. Falling in love with this person is at least partly falling in love with your ideal as much as with a real person.

IMHO

Thanks for your responses, I am 21 and he is 34. I am very very careful and would never meet with out someone and I would make sure it is in a public area. I don't actually WANT to hide him, before this I always looked down on those who met people online that's the problem with explaning how we met. So far my gut dosen't say anything is wrong, and I've had experience with meeting someone online before and they wanted to meet... and I decided there was something "fishy" going on so I told him to go away. I know there are predators but honestly, I have heard there ARE good people out there I mean hey I'm online. A 21 year old woman who goes to college and has never been in trouble with the law, not even a speeding OR parking ticket. He even said when we do meet he dosen't want it to be a date or a romantic thing. Just a get to know you meeting and we'd decide from there. He is kind of nervous about meeting incase it ruins the relationship we have now.

I met my husband in a chat room. As long as you are super careful, it can work. Since I was young (17) my parents were VERY involved in my meeting him in person. I was lucky and things worked out well. Meet in a public place and bring a friend or two.

The internet was a Godsend for me. Just be careful.

let an old one weigh in on this. i met a man three years ago online. he was overseas then......we have maintained a 'relationship' with each other through thick and thin.....there's been some thin....and we thought we would get to meet soon, but he is going to Oman right away. he is from west virginia. i live in oklahoma. i don't think that there could be anything that we don't know about each other by now. we've both been married and have agreed that neither of us want to take that step again. i think it can work but i advise being very careful. good luck...pat

Katt, I'd say go for it. Just so long as you take proper precautions when you meet initially & get him to introduce you to friends & family etc it should be fine. Biological age is not an issue, so long as you are comfortable with each other.
As for explaining to people how you met - just tell them. Many thousands of people have fallen in love over the internet, but before it existed, there were always penpals, dating services & all the rest. That you love each other & are good for each other that is all that matters.

Good luck & be careful.

XXX

P.S. Am pretty sure I know who it is, but I promise on pain of death not to say anything unless you ask me to.

yah you do *blushes*

i've met two, including my current girlfriends online, both evolved into serious relationships, i'll tell ya later if you want =o

thanks!

I know three married couples that met online, and a whole lot of people who were disappointed. But that's not much different from 3d, is it? Just be careful, and have fun!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah alot of times people are different online than they are in person lol....... uhhhhhh i mean they seem different or something, well depends on their level of uh, what's the word, because the intarweb gives you that removal of any hmmm don't really know how to say it, but depending on the person, well imean if you've been talking to them for like evver or something, it might take like a month for them to get to where they are with you in person to where they are with you online and stuff, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

first relationship crashed and burned for reasons stated elsewhere on this forum...... i think .. i forgot anyway, yeah this new one is like oh yah r0x0rz =DDD i can't wait to see her today 6_^