[katielee102]

Hey everyone I am having a little dilemma, well in my head anyway. I just need to vent. Ok. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Not the longest of time I know. I am almost 30 he is 37. Things have been going great for us...Now his lease is up and i am not happy where I am living. I am at his place way more than mine at this point. we seriously talking about moving in. It would save money for both of us especially since we are practically living togher already. Now my problem is that I think others will not be happy with my idea, mainly my family and this scares me. one of my things was I never wanted to dissapoint them and I wonder if I will be. I am not worried about us not getting along, I know his habits, etc. My family has met him and for once they are happy with someone i am dating. I dont know. I can not afford to live on my own and my other friends are not available and i do not want tolive with a stranger. I would like to live with him.

what do you think?

[bonaire]

The other option is you could get into a room-mate situation. Sure, you're 30 - but you can still have a room mate. Sounds like you are describing moving in due to costs and not because you really really really (etc.) want to be living with him. You can contain your own costs by doing a roommate situation even without his participation.

Lots of web sites and services offering roommate services. www.roommate.com is one. I took a job in '91 down in the D.C. area where I was a roommate (being 25 yo myself) with a 62 yo lady who drove a corvette and an older guy (maybe 70) who just kept to himself. If I had a girlfriend in the area, it would have been something where I would go and visit. However, my girlfriend (eventual wife) was living 90 miles away and I drove home on weekends.

So, big question is - "I need a roommate to save costs" - but does it have to be him? And, if you are both limited in income - you will probably end up being limited in income and budget once you're together too. So, is it really the right thing? Also, what if he decides to find another girlfriend - would you be then able to move out on your own again? In that case, if you do stay together for any reason other than love (ie. finances) are you willing to live with those results?

You need to look at "what do I really want" and follow your gut (or heart - or whichever organ you prefer). In reading your post - it sounds like you're trying to come up with excuses to move in together. Not always a good thing to do. But, if you can say "I really need to be with him" and state that clearly to your family - then maybe work something out where either you ask him to marry you, or you hint to him that you want to have a family with him and that moving in with him isn't a temporary thing you want to toy with due to saving money.

[katielee102]

Originally Posted by bonaire

The other option is you could get into a room-mate situation. Sure, you're 30 - but you can still have a room mate. Sounds like you are describing moving in due to costs and not because you really really really (etc.) want to be living with him. You can contain your own costs by doing a roommate situation even without his participation.

Lots of web sites and services offering roommate services. www.roommate.com is one. I took a job in '91 down in the D.C. area where I was a roommate (being 25 yo myself) with a 62 yo lady who drove a corvette and an older guy (maybe 70) who just kept to himself. If I had a girlfriend in the area, it would have been something where I would go and visit. However, my girlfriend (eventual wife) was living 90 miles away and I drove home on weekends.

So, big question is - "I need a roommate to save costs" - but does it have to be him? And, if you are both limited in income - you will probably end up being limited in income and budget once you're together too. So, is it really the right thing? Also, what if he decides to find another girlfriend - would you be then able to move out on your own again? In that case, if you do stay together for any reason other than love (ie. finances) are you willing to live with those results?

You need to look at "what do I really want" and follow your gut (or heart - or whichever organ you prefer). In reading your post - it sounds like you're trying to come up with excuses to move in together. Not always a good thing to do. But, if you can say "I really need to be with him" and state that clearly to your family - then maybe work something out where either you ask him to marry you, or you hint to him that you want to have a family with him and that moving in with him isn't a temporary thing you want to toy with due to saving money.

I dont think i typed that as well as I should to explain it. I honestly do want to move in with him. But my problem is that I am worried about what my family will think......

[bonaire]

Yeah - I re-read your post and my reply and do see that. What your family thinks is important but only to a degree. I still think about what my mom thinks - and I'm 44 now. Parents and family somehow demand respect but you also have to live your life. By reaching 30, you may need to start to demand respect in return. Of course, many families are dysfunctional to the point where you couldn't even talk about your point of view, your wants and needs.

One thing I fault myself for is giving too much away to my mother. I could have approached her with so many things - but worried about what she would think, so I didn't. We live an estranged life - I live with my wife and kids 400 miles away from her - she never comes to see us. She's also very aged (she's 88) - she lost out on having a close relationship with myself and my family mainly by me not wanting to see us do anything that she wouldn't approve of. I spent too much time making up a fantasy about what she would say without seeing what would "really" happen if I told her my feelings and thoughts. Other than agreeing with whatever her thoughts were, I didn't share too much of my own personality with her.

You want and need to live your own life - you need to find the inner strength to say to the family "you know, I'm 30 and I love this man and I really feel it is best if we move in together and I want your support with this." You may be surprised that they will support you.