[Zen888]

Hi Everyone

I just want to make it clear that I am NOT trying to offend anyone who has OCD or knows of someone who has OCD.

I have a friend who has OCD. Here is a short list of things she does that annoy me and/or anger me:

>She has a need to be in control at all times
>Everything ... well most.... has to be done in a certain way or she gets very angry....like a dog that won't let go of a bone
>She is judgemental
>She is a perfectionist
>She has to have everything absolutely clean in her environment
>Shopping is not fun with her.....she must go into every store....and look at every item....and then takes 4 hrs to choose which thing she will buy

List goes on........

How do I not let her negative energy and OCD behaviors bother me?

Zen888

hi...

Two of my alters have OCD.... and I have a friend that has OCD...

I guess..let's see... for my friend with OCD....

when over to his house... I don't touch... move... anything.... I understand his need to have things... where he left it... so... that doesn't seem to bother me..... of course in my own home... he controls himself.. and also does not... touch/move my things....though since I do not always have OCD... just when those alters are in control.. it isn't as much of an issue.. though if he inisted that I have everything just so... then.. i would do.. what I do with another friend... meet at a place to have breakfast... we can still have a friendship... though... limited...not in my home...

Shopping... I think... I would not do this activity with her.... my best friend does not have OCD... but she is like that when she shops... and it doesn't mesh well with me... so... by agreement... we don't do that activity.... breakfasts... movies... things like that....are ok...

control - my best friend is very controlling - without OCD... and a few months ago... I spelled out to her... where the limits are....had to... if we were to maintain... our friendship...and I literally... every few weeks via e-mail.. have to remind her... and yes.. this is difficult on me... but I love my friend.. but she cannot be allowed to.. control my life...

and finally.... I think... understanding... that OCD is very frustrating for the person that has it... looking at it differently.... not that it is done to annoy.. another person.... that things are done.. because of the OCD... helps..... at least.. changing my viewpoint.. when looking and accepting myself - my OCD alters... it has helped...

and.. I mean this with great respect to you.... it shows a great deal of care... that you would want to... keep, understand and improve this friendship....

[AAAAA]

Very tough question. My OCD controls quite a bit of my life. Freewill has given you some good tips visiting her house. I can’t even imagine what my friends go through with me. I have to have things planned out, to the most minor details.

I think the best idea would be to discuss it with her. Find out what types of activities that you could do that you’d both enjoy.

[Zen888]

I can't talk to her about her OCD that would just anger her and ruin our friendship.

[bonaire]

My wife has a history of OCD, seems to be related to things she unconciously learned from her father (kids associated with other-sex parents). So, she went through a few months of talk therapy with a therapist and seemed to help a bit. Still has OCD in areas but not as strong as in past years. Worse years were the years after we bought our house. She bought knick-nacks constantly, typically shopping more when she was anxious and depressed. She yelled at me for not folding her clothes right, etc. Crazy "stupid" stuff. I guess this is where saying someone is a 'nag'.

Here's a story (found with google looking for "OCD Talk Therapy")
http://www.reuters.com/article/healt...67398920070426

[Zen888]

anymore advice?

[Cmara]

I have OCD. It can be exhausting at times, and yet, I couldn't function without the everyday rituals. My T says that they serve me, otherwise why would I do them? He says that I actually need to have these rituals now because I am going though a lot right now and they do serve me. I grew up with abuse all around me. I didn't have controll over those things because I was a child. As an adult I thrive on my OCD habits because to me it means I am in controll. Especially now when I am trying to come to terms with my past (which was out of controll) I need the habits to keep me feeling grounded and that I am in controll.

I know that some of my habits are hard for my friends to understand. I try to explain it, but am not comfortable with sharing why I am like this. I wouldn't necessarily call your friends energy "negative", but just challanging to be around. Freewill spoke very well about how she defines her and her friends needs in their relationship. Maybe it would help if you could ask your friend how you could help her rather than have her feel like she is always negative to be around. Maybe try to learn how her OCD habits are serving her, and why? I wish you luck in your friendship. I can tell you are a special friend to her!

Cmara